hair loss and comment "it will grow back" really annoying me

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  • meena1
    meena1 Member Posts: 1,003
    #22
    florida_sunshine said:

    your hair will grow back fast.
    i had a complete color change. Never been blonde now iam one.

    i agree with, people just do
    i agree with, people just do not know what to say. I know that i keep thinking "how rude!" when someone says something to me, but i have to understand that they are also affected by everythiing going on.
  • BetsyJane
    BetsyJane Member Posts: 127
    #23
    I was very upset about having no hair too
    Some of us are more effected than others about losing our hair. I was extremely upset over my hair loss. I don't like being bald. I don't like looking like a man. I don't like having a cold head and having to wear a wig or some type of wrap or hat when I go out in the cold weather but most of all I just can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. I have gone thru chemo and my hair is slowly starting to grow back. In fact, I keep feeling the top of my head and it puts a smile on my face feeling hair again. Believe it or not, every couple of weeks I even ask my husband to measure how long my hair has grown. Yes I know it will grow back but many of us still have a very hard time losing our hair. I very much dislike the comment "don't worry, it will grow back". I look forward to the day when I can wash, curl, blow dry and style my hair again.

    Hope your hair grows back soon.
  • Melaniedoingwell
    Melaniedoingwell Member Posts: 80
    #24
    those thoughtless comments...
    "It will grow back"
    "My (neighbor, cousin, ex-in-law's neighbor's friend's cousin) had XXX cancer and she said..."
    etc., etc., etc.

    They don't know. SOME of them mean well, some of them are thoughtless idiots.

    And - for some relative few people, no- it will NOT grow back.

    Perhaps you should consider saying - "I think you probably mean to be helpful here and you are not helping at all."

    If you do, have a phrase you are willing to hear from them and tell them what it is. Suggest they say "This must be really tough and I'm sorry you are going through it."

    That could help you train people to not say stupid things to you while you are at a vulnerable state.

    I have had intelligent and compassionate people say some of the dumbest things imaginable to me. I imagine that all of us here have.

    You will get through it. Take the bull by the horns and steer the conversations you have in the direction you are able to handle. Some of these comments really can derail you and you CANNOT let that happen. You don't want to alienate people but you are not a doormat for their ignorance or thoughtlessness or sometimes even meanness!

    Protect your peace and calm and healing by coming up with a suggested phrase for them to say to you like the one above.

    just saying....
  • inkblot
    inkblot Member Posts: 698 Member
    #25
    Fact: Folks who haven't
    Fact: Folks who haven't lost their hair, haven't a clue how traumatic it can be. How could they? I hated losing my hair. Yet, it wasn't the biggie I'd expected it may be for me. We're all different. Our hair "growing back" is not the issue. The fact that it's suddenly gone, is the issue! Yes, we'd like folks to say instead: "Oh, I am so sorry you lost your hair and I know it must be very traumatic". Something along those lines, instead of stating the obvious, that it will grow back. My advice...just don't get caught up in judging what people say. Let it be. Focus instead on their intentions. Realizing that they don't understand. They can't understand and that they honestly don't know what to say. All the more important to be here, where it is understood and where people know exactly what to say.
    Love, light & laughter,
    Ink
  • tookiebird
    tookiebird Member Posts: 5
    #26
    Hair loss is symbolic
    People are so funny. I think that they don't realize that the hair loss -- at least for me-- was symbolic of the whole out of control journey that is cancer. Mostly people don't want to see the suffering and so want to minimize it (many doctors in this group). But often they are trying to be nice and don't know what to say.
    So here is what I wish they would say : I am so sorry. That must be awful! I cannot imagine!
    But... They don't. One woman who had turned away when she saw me during the year of my treatments ran up to me after it was all over and admired my inch- long white hair. "WHERE did you get that haircut??" she asked.. So I told her "at my oncologist!". I know that was not nice. One older lady in my support group said that all her neighbor lady friends got together and made food for another lady who had cancer but not for her. When she asked why, she was told that breast cancer is not that bad. A lot if people think that!
    Maybe we could try saying "So you wouldn't worry about it, if it was you?" , asking them as we say in California to own it or disown it.
  • mom62
    mom62 Member Posts: 604 Member
    #27
    My Thoughts
    Hi Laura,

    Glad to hear you got a wig and it looks great on you. Sometimes people just don't know how to react when someone loses something permanent like their hair. I chose to shave my head when it started to fall out. I have to say it was (and I know this sounds weird) to just put on my wig and go! It saved so much time getting ready in the morning. When it does come back it is usually a little different. My hair was curly before and came back straight. The second time it came back curly again, really weird. I know you are feeling the loss of part of your identity and I think that is why it bothers you. I myself had always been a rebel with my hair so it didn't bother me as much. Maybe next time someone says it you could say "yes" but I still miss it.

    ((hugs))
    Terry

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