The Cheerleader, the Funny Guy & the Interrogator

This article, written by a prostate cancer survivor, is from the most recent newsletter of weSPARK, my local cancer support center.

I think it shows you don't have to have breasts to get the same kinds of reactions from people we talk about here all the time, and it made me laugh out loud ("My mother had ALL her organs removed...!"), so I wanted to share it. I'm sure most of us will recognize our friends, family, and co-workers here!

Traci
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Cancer Commentary
by Matt Nelson

I recently got diagnosed with cancer — that’s the easy part. After the doctor told me I had a
significant amount of cancer in my prostate, I did my homework. I spoke to friends who have had prostate cancer. I spoke to all the doctors. I went online a little bit. The decision to have surgery was pretty clear so I chose a surgeon and scheduled a date. Like I said, that was the easy part.

Far harder, has been navigating all of you. That’s right, all of you — navigating your reactions and your comments after hearing I have cancer.

There’s the Over-The-Top-Cheerleader: “You can beat this, you can beat this!! My mother had ALL her organs removed and she’s still alive!!” One guy actually told me cancer is a fastball and I am going to hit the cancer fastball over the fence for a cancer homerun. When I get one of these motivational speeches, that is the only time I am sure I am going to die.

Or there’s the Funny Guy, the guy who thinks the right thing to do is break out his cancer humor. A friend of mine was at a children’s restaurant. Here’s the text message he sent me: “I’m at Chuck E. Cheese — the cancer of restaurants.”

I didn’t laugh.

Or there’s the Interrogator: “What stage is it? What stage is it? Are you going to die? Do they give you odds? Has it spread? Is it all throughout your body? What’s the surgery like? Do they cut you open? What kind of scalpel do they use? Are you scared, are you scared, are you scared?”

Actually, no. I wasn’t that scared until you CONVINCED me to be scared. And I wasn’t thinking about the odds of my dying. But I am now. So thank you for putting that thought into my head.

So what does that leave? What is left to say to the person who has been recently diagnosed with cancer? Well...allow me to demonstrate:

“I’m really sorry. That’s crappy news. I believe you can get through this. Is there anything I can do to help?”

That’s it.