Rituxan/Fludarbine/Cytoxan "3" punch

No need to be embarassed...
I've been to a couple of different clinics for my various intravenous treatments at various points of my journey. Most were in a group setting, others in a private setting. I tended to keep to myself, but did often share in the group setting. My apprehension had a lot to due about being more of a private individual, and also that I was always the youngest one in the room. I was never in a treatment room with anyone else for leukemia, but I was also not always the sickest person in the room. I was a daily patient, so I saw lots of people come in, but not always come back.

In fact, a couple of times I've seen a guy come in, get hooked up for 20min or so, then bounce out of his chair back to work. I never asked what he was getting treated for, nor did I share, however I did envy him and looked forward to having that kind of energy again. It reminded me that there can be life after chemo.

I found it to be a positive experience to see others in better health, even though I didn't always know why they were there. I never saw the treatment room as a competition of health, no winners come out of that. Most of the people I'd met who were in better health, often offered some kind of support or sharing, perhaps because they were feeling the same as you. However if you have that in you, the other patients around you may appreciate it.

A chemo room can be hard to read, often I personally just wanted to shut my eyes and listen to my iPod - which I did often. Now when I got to be in better health, but was still getting treatments, or just a flush on my port, banter with the nurses often lead to talking with other patients in the room. At that point, no one really had a clue as to how far I had come, and I never felt the need to let on. Hopefully, as I did, they would also appreciate my improvement in health as an inspiration for their own recovery.

I still stop in with some of the clinics and the hospital when in the area or at an appointment to speak with the nurses. They don't often see patients again after they've completed treatment or their stay - and not because of survival either. Mostly because us patients don't want to see that room again, the first time for me was very difficult and has slowly gotten easier.

My point is, you can't help what you have and why you are there. That is the same for everyone else in the room and anyone there who thinks "better" of themselves for being "worse off", you're not going to change their mind.