Im loosing my mind...
jo jo
Member Posts: 1,175
This is not breast cancer related but i just need some support or any advise or somebody to say something to calm me down cuz im freaking out.
I have 2 daughters one is 20 yrs and lives 2 hrs away and the other is 24yrs and lives 6 hrs away. I just found out they are both in relationships with these punks who are closet beaters.
With everything that has been going on in my life over the past year everyone has kept this from me and i was to blind to see it cuz i was so involved with my own life, i missed all the signs...and im a vet when it comes to all the classic signs of abuse, cuz i have spent most of my life in those shoes, but how did i miss it with my own daughters! I sit here and think about it and all the signs were there. All the bruises and black eyes caused from falling down or tripping...ya right!
My girls know me well enough that once i did find out that there is going to be a big storm and im the tornado that is going to mess their world up if i ever get my hands on them. I was told both of these punks are already scared to death of me finding out cuz they have heard stories of me getting even with the ones who abused me...i broke one of their noses and one while he was passed out drunk after beating me, i rolled him up in the sheet like a taco and beat the crap out of him. They will thank me if i get to them before my nephews find out cuz they are very protective over my girls and they train and fight for the ultimate cage fighting. Either way i dont think this is going to be pretty.
Listen to me i sound like a mad woman that has gone and lost her damn mind.
I just dont know what to do cuz they dont live near me (maybe right now thats a good thing)but im sorry for this i reallllly need to vent to someone right now.
I have 2 daughters one is 20 yrs and lives 2 hrs away and the other is 24yrs and lives 6 hrs away. I just found out they are both in relationships with these punks who are closet beaters.
With everything that has been going on in my life over the past year everyone has kept this from me and i was to blind to see it cuz i was so involved with my own life, i missed all the signs...and im a vet when it comes to all the classic signs of abuse, cuz i have spent most of my life in those shoes, but how did i miss it with my own daughters! I sit here and think about it and all the signs were there. All the bruises and black eyes caused from falling down or tripping...ya right!
My girls know me well enough that once i did find out that there is going to be a big storm and im the tornado that is going to mess their world up if i ever get my hands on them. I was told both of these punks are already scared to death of me finding out cuz they have heard stories of me getting even with the ones who abused me...i broke one of their noses and one while he was passed out drunk after beating me, i rolled him up in the sheet like a taco and beat the crap out of him. They will thank me if i get to them before my nephews find out cuz they are very protective over my girls and they train and fight for the ultimate cage fighting. Either way i dont think this is going to be pretty.
Listen to me i sound like a mad woman that has gone and lost her damn mind.
I just dont know what to do cuz they dont live near me (maybe right now thats a good thing)but im sorry for this i reallllly need to vent to someone right now.
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Comments
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This is certainly the last thing
you need right now.
Maternal "protectiveness" is a strong emotion when it comes to our children. And being so far away must feel desperate.
I hope and pray your girls will leave these losers. They deserve far better than that. No one deserves to be treated like that.
I'm praying for your situation. Please stay safe!
Hugs,
Sylvia0 -
If I had daughters in that
If I had daughters in that position I would advise them to seek help and leave the guys. I don't have first hand experience but I have heard there are women's shelters and counselors to help. I realize it's not a simple thing to do. So sorry for the stress this is causing.
I don't mean for this to sound so dry. Just thinking of ways you can help long distance.
Hugs.
m0 -
Bake cakes
JoJo,
If you aren't able to visit your girls I think you should bake a cake for each of the guys and send them in the mail. Enclose a nice card with each and tell them that you are always thinking of them when you think of your girls. Don't say anything about what you know - they should be able to figure it out. (And then send your nephews to visit them...)
Your girls will wise up and leave these bums at some point. They probably just need to learn this on their own (even though they could have just listened to your advice). It is difficult to watch my kids go through things when the whole time they were growing up my husband and I warned them about what happens because we went through those things when we were growing up.
Take care and I hope your nephews send pictures from their "visits".0 -
OH, I'm split personality on this one, LOL!
Jojo, first, it's GREAT that you're back posting! I love your style.
Second, I'll give you two opinions. One is way more fun and really lets you get your feelings across...and the second one is legal/socially acceptable.
First opinion: Just turn the nephews loose! Tell them to leave a card on the guy (computer generated, handled with latex gloves, from a Kinkos printer) that says "So and so's Mom says "hi". Now get the hell outta my girl's life!"
OK, that's not legal, and it's likely to get your nephews and you in trouble. Right now, you don't need that trouble (but it's fun to think about, isn't it? LOL)
2nd opinion: do this the legal way. It will mess up those guys' lives way more than a beat down will. HAVE SOMEONE CALL THE COPS! In my state, the victim doesn't have to report the crime, anyone can. With the (finally!) increased scrutiny on Domestic Violence (or as we call it at work, DV) those guys will be in for some very uncomfortable times. In our office, we charge these scum, we urge the victim to take out a PPO, and sometimes, we don't even need the victim to do that (a lot of women won't, as they feel it will just give the creep more of an excuse to come after them). We issue No Contact Orders, which are not lifted until certain therapy rules have been met.
Make sure someone gets pictures. If they can record audio, so much the better. The bad guys will maybe spend time in jail, but at the least, they'll loose work time for court time, spend $$ on lawyers, or at least court costs and fines.
Lastly, tell your girls you know. Don't take it on as a personal burden. Tell them about your past, ask them if they really think they're so smart that they can avoid what's happening, and end the phone call with "I love you very much. Unfortunately, right now, I can't deal with this. So I need to make sure that you're taking care of this, on your own, for me. Your safety means a great deal to me, and my recovery will go a lot better if I have less stress" (Oh, yeah, play that guilt card to the max!)
Good luck! I know how hard it is to not worry about our kids, no matter how old they are!0 -
Oh JoJo, so sorry to hear of
Oh JoJo, so sorry to hear of the situation your girls are in. Domestic Violence only gets more intense as time passes as you know. Nothing can be done until the girls are willing to leave these losers, and they probably need help to get to the point. Encourage them to contact a Domestic Violence Shelter...even if they are not ready to 'leave'....many shelters have someone who will meet with a victim to discuss options...or just to listen to them. I have been married to a wonderful man for 40 years now...but was in a violent marriage prior to that. No one could tell me anything...I had to make the decision to leave and get help. I pray your girls will choose a better life as no one deserves what they are going through. Give the the National Domestic Violence Help number
1-800-799-SAFE Encourage them to talk to someone about their situation. A black eye here and there......it can escalate to so much more. Hugs to you and praying the girls seek help and make a better choice for themselves.0 -
Don't beat yourself up for
Don't beat yourself up for not knowing sooner. Cancer and all it's ups and downs keeps a person's dance card pretty well filled! You didn't see it sooner because you were doing what you were supposed to be doing-that is, taking care of yourself. It may be next to impossible to do, but you may have to adopt a "live and let live" attitude for now. At least until you can sit down with your girls and have a heart-to-heart. If, God-forbid, something should happen to you because you had a major meltdown, you would never forgive yourself. I know it sounds selfish, but you are your number #1 priority. YOU come first!
I'll be praying for you and your family. Hang in there.
"May you be at Peace; May you be free of Suffering."
Dianne0 -
I know if it was my girls IHippiechick58 said:Don't beat yourself up for
Don't beat yourself up for not knowing sooner. Cancer and all it's ups and downs keeps a person's dance card pretty well filled! You didn't see it sooner because you were doing what you were supposed to be doing-that is, taking care of yourself. It may be next to impossible to do, but you may have to adopt a "live and let live" attitude for now. At least until you can sit down with your girls and have a heart-to-heart. If, God-forbid, something should happen to you because you had a major meltdown, you would never forgive yourself. I know it sounds selfish, but you are your number #1 priority. YOU come first!
I'll be praying for you and your family. Hang in there.
"May you be at Peace; May you be free of Suffering."
Dianne
I know if it was my girls I would want them out of the situation yesterday. Every day they are in that sitution they are at risk. I dont know your family so I dont know , but I would talk to my girls' uncles,and of course my husband. where is their dad? or was he the one all wrapped up?
gosh the lowest form of person is one who preys on weaker people, women and children. Have you ever heard the song by the dixie Chicks "goodbye Earl" ? anyway cant advise that because it is illegal but its what they deserve.0 -
oh JoJo, I wish I had the
oh JoJo, I wish I had the 'right' answer, but this a very complex situation. There is so much happening on so many levels, and so many people involved...I would be losing my mind too.
I don't have anything to add to the advice you've already received. I do hope your girls find a way out of these relationships soon. I'm praying for courage and strength for all of you, and for peace to come soon.
Big hugs,
Linda0 -
Update...
Ok i have calmed down enough to get back to reality. Thank you ladies for your input and advise. I like the way some of you think...baking an intimidation cake...having split personalities and visualizing all the stuff we would like to do to these punks and getting back to reality of what we can do legally...its all good stuff!
Carkris thats a good guess on who got all wrapped up!!! You guys still managed to put a smile on my face even thru something like this!
So heres what i did last night after writting this... I called my 20 yr old and she was already informed that i knew so she wouldnt answer my calls or texts...probably tryin to figure a way out of this. She has been going thru this about the time i was diagnosed (so more than a year) and he has broken her will and she does what he tells her. So my plan is to make an appearrance in her neck of the woods and notify any authority that i can to make them aware of the situation, so she cant lie or cover for him. Then im going to go pick her up for lunch and have a long talk with her and if i see him in the process i will calmly tell him that from now on he is under a microscope and if anything happens again i will be the one to put him in jail and put out a no contact order on him and if that doesnt work i will tell him he will meet my boys. So thats the plan.
Then i called my 24 yr old and she actually answered and i happened to call during one of their big arguments and she told me everything. I talked to her for a long time and luckly hers is just basically starting...and the great news is SHES LEAVING HIM!!!! Well shes kicking him out cuz its her place. She also wants me to come up there and spend some time with her so in about 2 weeks im going up and he wont be there when i get there...good thing!
Im so happy and i feel less empowered now to know i got at least one of them to listen to me. My kids all know they can come home anytime they want to but neither of my girls can really do it even if they wanted to cuz they both have really good jobs and they dont want to jeporize loosing them.
Thanks again for letting me vent!0 -
Oh jo jo,jo jo said:Update...
Ok i have calmed down enough to get back to reality. Thank you ladies for your input and advise. I like the way some of you think...baking an intimidation cake...having split personalities and visualizing all the stuff we would like to do to these punks and getting back to reality of what we can do legally...its all good stuff!
Carkris thats a good guess on who got all wrapped up!!! You guys still managed to put a smile on my face even thru something like this!
So heres what i did last night after writting this... I called my 20 yr old and she was already informed that i knew so she wouldnt answer my calls or texts...probably tryin to figure a way out of this. She has been going thru this about the time i was diagnosed (so more than a year) and he has broken her will and she does what he tells her. So my plan is to make an appearrance in her neck of the woods and notify any authority that i can to make them aware of the situation, so she cant lie or cover for him. Then im going to go pick her up for lunch and have a long talk with her and if i see him in the process i will calmly tell him that from now on he is under a microscope and if anything happens again i will be the one to put him in jail and put out a no contact order on him and if that doesnt work i will tell him he will meet my boys. So thats the plan.
Then i called my 24 yr old and she actually answered and i happened to call during one of their big arguments and she told me everything. I talked to her for a long time and luckly hers is just basically starting...and the great news is SHES LEAVING HIM!!!! Well shes kicking him out cuz its her place. She also wants me to come up there and spend some time with her so in about 2 weeks im going up and he wont be there when i get there...good thing!
Im so happy and i feel less empowered now to know i got at least one of them to listen to me. My kids all know they can come home anytime they want to but neither of my girls can really do it even if they wanted to cuz they both have really good jobs and they dont want to jeporize loosing them.
Thanks again for letting me vent!
Sorry to hear this about both of your daughters. Hopefully, you can talk some sense into your younger one. It seems the older one has already figured it out. They say love is blind, but I couldn't imagine staying in an abusive relationship.
xoxo,
Jean0 -
JoJo,Jean 0609 said:Oh jo jo,
Sorry to hear this about both of your daughters. Hopefully, you can talk some sense into your younger one. It seems the older one has already figured it out. They say love is blind, but I couldn't imagine staying in an abusive relationship.
xoxo,
Jean
I'm glad to hear that
JoJo,
I'm glad to hear that your older daughter is taking the right steps to rid herself of this guy. I hope that when you see your younger daughter she will sit down with you and really listen. Maybe if you make the offer to come and stay with her or near her for awhile she will be able to find the strength to leave this relationship. I hope that she can do this and I am glad that you are there to help, support, and do whatever you can to assist her. Keeping you and them in my prayers.
Stef0 -
JoJo
you are just full of surprises. I think someone who has experienced abuse is much more in tune to seeing it happen to others. It's possible that because of the distance your daughters live from you that would not be an easy thing. You handled your abusers one way but it's possible that your daughters are either afraid to leave the punks or don't know what to do. Self esteem is always a factor. My father's form of discipline was a bit harsh for 4 daughters and he physically & mentally abused me. It affected me for the rest of my life. I don't know if you could phone your daughters without their boyfriends knowing about it to at least give advice or offer some solace. I'm sure it's a heartache to know they are going through what you've been through.
{{hugs}} Char0 -
So sorry
So sorry to see the reason for your post but glad you're out there and fighting.
All the fun ways to deal with this are, unfortunately illegal. How does that work out????? Anyway, from someone who's been there myself I know what you're feeling about these punks. Hopefully you can get the girls away from them and let them know that if they ever set foot near your daughters again, you'll not be responsible for what happens to them, but it will be something that puts a big smile on your face.
Punks like this are chickens cause we all know real men don't beat their women.
Sorry you're all going thru this. We're all here for you.
marge0 -
so sorry to hear
sorry you family is in this situation...great mom to stick up for them...as you know...
I HOPE they can get away...start over...
sorry for what you have been through!!!0
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