Jorge is seeing the rediation doctor today

Radiation
Hey Tina,

Radiation is just yet another tool in this fight against the beast. Rather than looking at all the things that could possibly go wrong, you are going to want to tilt that way of thinking to all of the things that could possibly go right. As we all know, chemo in all it's various forms can be kind of nasty and no two people react the same way to it... hence there's no way to tell someone new to the battle just what exactly they are going to experience. Radiation is the same thing... there can be various side affects (diarrhea, fatigue, burns sort of like a bad sunburn and even some queasiness although that would be kind of rare I think).

I had 6 weeks of daily (Mon - Fri and the occasional Sat) of radiation. I was given the talk about all the possible side affects I'd experience, even to the point where I could end up temporarily wheelchair bound. I swear the talks you are given about all the possible side affects and outcomes of anything, bet it chemo, radiation, surgery, etc. are all worse than going through the actual treatment. I did not experience one of those symptoms that they told me I probably would... and if anything, it was a bit of a break for me because I had been on the 5FU pump up until my radiation, but then my onc put me on the Xeloda pills instead of the pump for my 6 week radiation period.

Now, one of the things I wonder if you've misunderstood.... you said he's going to get 5 weeks of radiation in 5 days. I've never heard of that... that sounds a bit severe and for what reason? Why would they cram 5 weeks into 5 days when the whole idea is to give it to the patient over a period of time so that the body can absorb it? Or do you think they meant they are going to give him a 5 day treatment in the same dose of one week of what normally would be a 5 week period, just to give it a try and see if it helps?

I think when something happens that really upsets you, rather than stew on it, assume that you haven't fully understood and have his oncologist or nurse explain exactly what the procedure is and why it Jorge is being given it. This is for your understanding as well as his own. There's enough in this disease to set us off, the last thing we need is to be getting upset over something that we don't understand.

Also... and I hope you take this with the intention it's meant. Cancer doesn't only affect the person who has it... although, it very much does and the treatments can be just as nasty as the disease itself. But this disease affects those who are the spouses, caregivers, parents, grandparents... any relationship around the patient. Caregivers will go out of their way to do whatever they can to make the patient feel comfortable and well-loved... but at the same time, they are going through their own cancer battle of fear, fatigue, isolation, and imagination gone wild. Now, I'm speaking purely from the "patient's" side since I am not a caregiver and as a patient, I just want everyone to treat me normally. I don't want anyone hovering over me... I want us to do the things we used to always do, go out for meals, stay in for meals, check out movies, plays, whatever. If someone is constantly hovering over me or giving me these looks like they are going to break down and cry... I do not want them around me. It's all fine and dandy to know people care about me, but I don't need to feed off their fear or their feeling of helplessness. If they feel helpless, then it makes me feel even more helpless. They say it doesn't take much when you are ill to become depressed and I know depression does nothing to help in the fight with any battle.

So you are really between a rock and a hard place. You want to do everything you can for Jorge and be the perfect caregiver and see him through this battle... on the other hand, you are wearing yourself down to the point of fatigue and depression. It's time for you to take some time for yourself and go talk to a doctor or therapist. Have Jorge's oncologist recommend someone for you. It may even mean you might have to try some anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication... not enough that it is going to put you in a zombie-like state, but just enough to get you out of the feeling of terror/fear/isolation that you have found yourself in. It wouldn't help if Jorge did this too, although it sounds like he's not into doing that... so better that at least one of you get the relief from that kind of help.

By all means, come here, discuss treatments and we all will answer to the best of our ability and experience... but the only person who can help you get out of the scariness of the battle is you... and to do that you have to be open for some help from doctors yourself.

Huggggggs,

Cheryl