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My dad has been sleeping a lot more recently.

seraphicdoll
seraphicdoll CSN Member Posts: 1 *
in Colorectal Cancer #1

Hi! I just found this website pretty late. I’m feeling a lot of things and I don’t usually post about it, but this seemed to be the right place for it despite the shutdown soon. I’m 17 and the oldest kid in my family (having a younger sister and my mother). Recently I’ve had a cold and ever since I got it, my father (stage IV colon cancer) has been sleeping more since he was in the car with me when I was really sick. 

I feel horrible because I feel like it’s my fault I made him feel worse. He’s been getting chemotherapy and has been taking medicine and he’s told me one of the two has been making him feel weaker… but I feel like I made things entirely worse for him. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and I don’t want him to die.. which is obviously like a “duh” moment? But the concept horrified me everyday. My birthday and graduation is in a few days and I’m scared for that too. His surgery is in June and I’m scared I might’ve doomed him. 

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Comments

  • subham25
    subham25 CSN Member Posts: 18 Member
    #2

    I’m really glad you reached out and shared this. What you’re carrying emotionally is a lot for anyone, especially at your age, and it makes sense that you’re scared and overwhelmed right now.
    It’s very common for people to feel guilt when someone they love is ill, even when circumstances are out of their control. Colds and everyday illnesses happen, and what you’re describing with your dad can also be part of the toll that treatment itself takes on someone’s body. Feeling worried doesn’t mean you caused harm — it means you care deeply.
    Having milestones like graduation and your birthday wrapped up in all of this uncertainty can make everything feel heavier. Many people here understand that fear of losing a parent and the way it seems to sit in the background of every thought. You don’t sound selfish or wrong for feeling this way — you sound like someone who loves their parent and is frightened by how little control this situation gives you.
    You’re not alone here, even if it feels that way right now. Thank you for trusting this space with something so personal.

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