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It's True

KimR5413
KimR5413 CSN Member Posts: 7 Member
in Breast Cancer #1

Journal Entry

It’s a very strange thing. I am finally feeling like I might be a cancer patient. No, I have not been in denial all this time. I just could not wrap my head around being “that girl.” The girl with cancer. I have to say, the support and love that is here for me is overwhelming half the time. It just doesn’t seem possible that there are that many people who care—deeply—about me. How does anyone deserve that? It is so humbling, it’s INCONCEIVABLE!

Yesterday, I went to phase II of the new hair. It’s now a really short spiky cut. I think it looks like Chef Anne from Michigan. It’s sassy!! The nausea is a dull roar, the heat and pain I’ve been getting in my joints has slowed down. I can actually stay awake for a full day. Part of it is a challenge, but I am making the rest fun by living in the moment. The only thing left is to figure out what I can eat and what gives me trouble. I’m gaining weight, but that’s not the cancer as much as it is eating and zero exercise, walking, or even standing. We’ll worry about that later in the year!

J has been nothing short of an angel. He is there in every sense of the word. I hope that his band practice and a few nights with the boys is enough for him to distract himself and unwind. I did make him a Valentine book, which he LOVED. He also had a few folks over for Superbowl and tied one on. I think he needed that. He’s been wonderful and patient and caring and supportive. He’s doing what he can to keep me slowed down and let me be a bit independent when I want to be. He is there. I am so glad to say that this is bringing us together. I teased him that he is just setting the bar high so that if he gets sick…Hahaha.

Well, I’m working and should get back to it.

For now…

“My name is Inigo Montoya…Prepare to die!” 

(battle cry from the 1st chemo)

Lesson: The moment you finally see yourself as “that girl” might be the same moment you realize she’s brave, beloved, and more than ready for the fight. 

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