struggling with survivorship

clballet2024

Diagnosed fall 2024. Had sucessful surgery. Started what was supposed to be 12 rounds of cleanup chemo in November 2024. Unfortunately two adverse reactions and a very conservative oncologist =treatment halt. Struggling with the emotional side of survivorship ever since. In therapy.

bibliophile

Hi! Sorry to hear about your adverse effects. I was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2023. Been in treatment on and off since. Currently on my last cycle of FOLFIRINOX in this round, but they had to discontinue the oxaliplatin for this last one because of cumulative effects. The emotional side is real. I would be happy to talk any time you want. I am also often on the chat after 9PM CST. Best wishes!

clballet2024

Thank you. I may take you up on that another day. I'm fortunate that so far I haven't recurred. But I do sometimes feel like I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop.

bibliophile

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1725108#Comment_1725108

That is a very normal reaction. Like I said, happy to listen if and when it would be helpful. 😊

clballet2024

Awesome. I also have since learned I had a pretty crappy less then ideal oncologist (I have since rectified this but the good one is now leaving the practice so the hunt begins. )

clballet2024

Any tips on living in the present moment? I find myself either blaming myself for not asking to continue or overwhelmed by the fear of possibility of recurrence.

bibliophile

I would just encourage you to remember two things. You haven't had a recurrence. So quitting treatment has not led to a bad outcome. Most doctors err on the cautious side so aren't going to take you off treatment if they think you really need it. You followed your doctor's best advice and so far it is working. And trust someone who is going through her second round of pretty bad chemo. If you are stable without chemo, that is a good thing! And if you do eventually have a recurrence, you will get through it the same way you did the first time. You are strong and you will do what needs to be done then. But you don't need to do it now. I don't know if that helps, and some days will be better than others, but just try to enjoy the good times now. Hopefully they last for a really long time!

clballet2024

Thank you for that reminder. I will try to make an effort to do those things.

clballet2024

I do unfortunately get caught up in what ifs of the future because I was stage 3c and had high risk factors. I did have what I now consider a poor oncologist. So I do put some of the blame on him. It's hard not to blame myself for agreeing to his plan of stopping when you know in hindsight and a better doctor you would have made a better decision. But like you said I do try and focus on the current facts.

bibliophile

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1725160#Comment_1725160

How's your weekend going? Are you able to do anything fun this weekend? We foster puppies for a local rescue, so we got a new foster puppy today! That's what's been distracting me. 😊

clballet2024

Awesome on the puppies. Making beef stroganoff for dinner.

clballet2024

How are the puppies?

bibliophile

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1725215#Comment_1725215

We got one, Clarabelle, on Saturday, and she is amazing! 😊