Caregiver Trama

drbleak

I am a caregiver of 2 people with cancer. My mother (age 81) who has a rare form of rectal mucosal melanoma, and my partner of 5 years who is age 71 who was recently diagnosed with Squamous Cell cancer of the lung, stage 3.

12 years ago, my late husband of 29 years, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He lived 2.5 years after diagnosis because he did experimental chemo treatments and radiation. For me, it was brutal and tramatizing. I was tramatized because of the side effects of the chemo, his inability to eat or drink which left him dehyrated which then meant many, many trips to the ER, many hospitalizations for obstructed bowels. I had to do many "medical type things" at home to my husband for his comfort, but which were very upsetting to me. Then when the treatments no longer worked, I had to fight with hospice for intervious hydration for comfort. (Only one hospice in my city would allow intevenious hydration!) Then when he died, my heart was broken, my health was broken (I developed diabetes and high bloodpressure during his cancer treatment), I was broken.

Now, with both my mom and my partner going through cancer, I am being re-tramatized all over again, every day.

My mom has decided not to treat the cancer, but is doing all kinds of alternative treatment, and she has a good quality of life - she lives independently, can cook, drive, and do things for her self. She needs me to keep her company, and to help her with everyday tasks, make sure she does her daily alternative treatment protocol, going to doctors appointments and dealing with paperwork and bills. She is in a good space now, but 6 weeks ago, she was in a very dark place, very frustrated and upset. I was upset because there was nothing I could do to ease her suffering. That made me suffer.

Now, with my partner, his diagnosis is new. We meet with the oncologist next week. We know the first treatment will be chemotherapy. Which has me very scared for him and for me.

PeviouslyGoing through 2.5 years of very tough treatments and the effects with my late husband, has made me extremely upset and feeling

drbleak

I wasn't able to finish my orignial post…

Peviously going through 2.5 years of very tough chemo and radiation treatments and the effects with my late husband, has made me extremely upset and feeling re-tramatized. I know I have PTSD from my late husband's cancer treatments. I am in therapy, but now with both my mom and my partner with cancer, I feel like everyday is a new trama, and I am supposed to be the strong one!

Everyone is telling me that I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of my mom and partner, but no amount of meditation, yoga, self care or breaks, have helped me cope better. I talk to a therapist twice a month, I am getting regular treatments for my own chronic health conditions, I exercise, I do art, but this is so overwhelming, that I need other perspecitives. How do you cope? How do you survive?