When to Override Parent?

never_mind_jes

My mom, 74, was very unexpectedly diagnosed with stage-4 lung cancer in October 2024. The cancer is in her lungs, liver, bones, brain, and a few other fun spots. The bone and brain lesions scare her the most. Anyway, she's been on Tagrisso and responded really well, but her most recent PET scan and MRI (last week) show some small progression. She's particularly worried about new activity in her frontal lobe. She doesn't see her doctors to discuss the scans until Tuesday/Wednesday of next week. In the meantime, not surprisingly, she's fretting (to put it mildly), visiting Dr. Google, and otherwise convincing herself of every worst possible scenario.

Tonight, she complained of terrible pain in her right shoulder, occasionally traveling down to her rib. Mom is not an attention grabber or faker; for her to admit pain (which she described as a 7 on a 1-10 scale) is a big deal. She was writhing around on her bed and having difficulty speaking. But she would not let me take her to the ER or call an ambulance. She wouldn't even let me wake my brother (we're on a family vacation — I'm 46, and my brother is 38).

All of this is to ask: At what point do I ignore my mother's wishes? I technically have power of medical authorization (or whatever that's called), but she's still completely competent. That said, if it were one of her kids writhing on the bed and feeling intense pain, she'd have us on the way to the hospital in minutes. Shouldn't I do the same? Or do I respect her because she's a grown woman?