Anxiety/Stress Post Treatment

solli_1985

Hello all,

I am a 39 year old man who was diagnosed with Stage IIIb colon cancer in August 2024 (at the age of 38). I had surgery to remove a portion of my colon and then six months of chemo (oxaliplatin and capecitabine) that finished at the end of February this year. Post a late March CT scan and I was told there was no cancer and I was in remission (by the grace of God). While I have been extremely thankful and feel blessed there are days where I feel anxious or stressed because of the potential for recurrence and the fact that I still have my port (which freaks me out and I very much dislike). Is this normal, am I crazy? It’s not everyday, in fact it isn’t most days, but when it happens it’s awful. Is this normal does it lessen with time. Any thoughts, comments, experience would be very welcome. TIA.

beaumontdave

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/329431/anxiety-stress-post-treatment

Hi and welcome! I had two recurrences in my liver that took years to go after, they noted my CEA test rising, and kept scanning and checking for growth, while not getting a positive biopsy for a long time. First liver resection they just said I had growing 'lesions' that needed to come out, either way. When abscesses became lesions, I knew what they thought. I felt as you feel, and learned Mindfulness and Stoicism to cope, finding Xanax to be useful at the start, as well. My battle went 10 years if you count the 2+ years of testing past the second liver resection. I was 49 at diagnosis. Being younger does suggest your immune system may be stronger for the fight, then someone who gets this at 70. In any case this is a marathon you're on, especially on a mental/emotional level. My port I ignored, as they said the initial chemo [Folfox], was my one shot at curative chemo, and it didn't work. They theorized the embryonic cells were already in my liver. The port stayed until the second resection, when I mentioned removing it, in a "while you're there……" conversation. My surgeon was both blunt and casual in discussions, alternately relaxing and terrifying me. Click on my name if you want more details. I'm 67 now, 18 years later. It took a while, but I outlasted the cancer, and learned a bit about fear and mortality, hopefully your experience will be much briefer. Best of luck to you………………….Dave

bibliophile

I am just a year ahead of you, solli, so take that for what it's worth. I don't have as much wisdom as Dave to offer because I'm still in it. I was diagnosed at 45 with Stage IIIc colon cancer with perineural invasion in July 2023 followed by 6 months of CAPEOX. Unfortunately, I have never been completely NED. Indeterminate lung nodules were monitored for a year, then I had a lung resection this past March for what proved to be metastasis. Went for my 3-month CT after surgery last week hoping to get the all clear and found an enlarged lymph node, 2 peritoneal nodules, and quickly rising CEA (appointment with oncologist next week). Sooo… no one can tell us the fear of recurrence isn't valid. But every person's journey is different. Yeah, the port's weird, but over time I got less consciously aware of it most of the time. And, yes, I have those days of complete panic, and when that happens, I try and give myself space to acknowledge those feelings. A very wise friend of mine said recently about something completely different that naming our feelings is not the same as wallowing in them. I think that applies here, too. And in between treatments, I have felt REALLY good. Like, mostly able to pretend I was normal good. And a new challenge is just something else that will be tackled in the same way the past ones were. So on the good days (which, yes, way outnumber the bad) I just try and live in the moment, enjoy time with my husband and 5 kids, do things I love, volunteer, get some exercise. And on the bad days, I binge watch TV and cuddle with my foster puppies and try not to cry for too many hours in a row. 🤣 This site has helped, too, since I found it just this week. So to answer your question directly - Yes, this is normal; No, you are not crazy. Wishing you the very best!

solli_1985

Dave, Bibliophile,

Thank you both so much for sharing. Your stories are humbling and make me feel so grateful. I cannot express how much I appreciate you both sharing and helping ease some of my anxiety. I wish you both all the best.