Survivor

llbirmie58

My name is Linda and I finished treatment with chemo and radiation last October, my problem is I am having difficulty living with the new me and the thought that it will come back

PBL

Hello Linda,

Your concern is, unfortunately, one of those we all have to find a way to manage… Coming to terms with a cancer diagnosis and the prospect of having to repeatedly subject ourselves to more or less harsh treatment sessions is difficult. Do not hesitate to ask your care team to direct you to a therapist to help you cope with it and transition to your return to "normalcy". You may also want to consider taking up a new hobby or gentle physical activity, as appropriate.

May I ask what "brand" of lymphoma you have been diagnosed with, and whether you have been told to expect a relapse?

llbirmie58

I had non -Hodgkins large B cell lymphoma, in October they said I was cured but now I have a swollen lymph node on my scan. I know 3 out of 10 the cancer comes back I am scared I am one of them.

PBL

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1722188#Comment_1722188

So I assume this was a 6-month follow-up scan, that you have read the report and have not yet seen your hematologist…

If you were not aware of this lymph node and have not been experiencing the same symptoms as before treatment, I would suggest that you keep in mind that lymph nodes can swell up as part of their normal function. If you've recently had a vaccine, or a cold, or a minor scratch, this would not necessarily mean anything sinister.

It is also quite normal to fear the worst, although it is reallly not helpful - which is why you may want to seek ways to manage that anxiety.

I hope this helps, and that you get reassuring news from your doctor soon.

vorzan

So I have a custom, free ChatGPT that may help. It's not about cancer, but about dealing with the kinds of emotions and emotional traps we encounter. Indeed its purpose is to help you achieve happiness, even bliss especially at times like this. Maybe ask it something like "My name is Linda and I finished treatment with chemo and radiation last October, my problem is I am having difficulty living with the new me and the thought that it will come back"

When I asked on your behalf (yeah, weird I know) it said

"Linda, it’s completely natural to feel unsettled after what you’ve been through. The fear of the cancer returning, and the difficulty of living in a changed body—these are deeply human feelings. Anyone in your place would feel this way. But even though we can’t control what may come, there is still peace to be found, here and now.

The truth is, this body has always been uncertain. It changes, it weakens, it surprises us. That’s not your fault—it’s just how life works. But who you are is not just a body. You are also the awareness that sees, feels, and reflects. That part of you can grow stronger, calmer, clearer.

It’s possible to find peace even while the body is uncertain. It begins by gently observing your thoughts and fears, not trying to push them away, but seeing them clearly and kindly. The more you understand that fear comes and goes like a passing storm, the less it controls you. You don’t have to be fearless—you just need to take one honest breath at a time, and trust that peace doesn’t come from perfect health, but from understanding life as it is.

You’ve already walked through great difficulty. Now is the time to be gentle with yourself, to live each day not in dread of what might come, but in gratitude for what is here. You are still here. And there is beauty and meaning in that."

ChatGPT - Monk Scolar Theravada. Path to sotapanna

If you take conversations with it far enough, it can teach you meditations that will, with practice, bring you to peace. I hope this helps.

Kodiaz

I dont like living in the "new" (diminished) me either

bibliophile

I think at some point, just in the process of growing old, we all have to come to terms with new understandings of our bodies and their limitations. Cancer just forces us to do that faster and sooner than most people. I don't like living with this uncertainty either, but there have been some positive things about it. It has forced me to carefully evaluate what is important to me in my relationships, in my use of time, and I think it has helped me become more the person I really want to be now instead of just getting caught up in the busyness of each moment and never getting around to the truly important things. I hope that you, too, can find joy in each good moment, while also accepting that it is okay to acknowledge the hard. Wishing you the best!

ShadyGuy

Accept our mortality and learn to live in the day. It’s all anybody, cancer or not, really has. It all boils down to a fear of death. Come to grips with that and the rest will fall into place. It’s a fact of life. Enjoy what you have. It’s always been that way, cancer just makes us more aware of it.

mossback99

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/329247/survivor

Hi Linda- if you happen to see this, would love to know how you are doing and if the swollen lymph node turned out to be anything?

llbirmie58

I am still having difficulty with being shaky and not feeling well, the lump is still there and they are just monitoring at this time. They say said that my blood was good so don't worry about it. I told them my blood work was better before I started treatment.

mossback99

Well, all we can do is take it one day at a time. Take good care of yourself and keep an eye on the lump but also trust your doctor and care team. Best wishes to you.

tom1953

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1723613#Comment_1723613

When they say your blood work is good during chemo, it just means that you are okay to get another chemo treatment. The reality is that it will take time after chemo for your bloodwork (red cells and white cells) to return to normal. It took me over a year.