My partner may have Cancer because of me.

maygodhelpus · March 21

I didn’t know I had HPV when I was intimate with my partner. After I got the diagnosis, I was in tears. I got my HPV vaccination in my adolescent years. I was scared to let my partner know he might have it as well because of me. After telling him, he said nothing was going to change between us and everything will be ok. It’s almost been a year since I told him. He tells me he has a lump in his tongue, nose, and may have genital warts. He’s going to see a dermatologist soon. He hasn’t told his family about anything, not even about the HPV. I’m worried it’s cancer. It’s my own fault he’s in this situation. I don’t know how telling his parents is going to go. Im scared of they might say/do to him, and me. I messed his life up. I just need advice.

wbcgaruss · March 21

Hello, maygodhelpus, and welcome to the CSN H&N discussion forum.

Relax; we can't know, guard, and direct everything in life.

Don't be hard on yourself your partner is not, they said everything is going to be OK.

So you say you didn’t know I had HPV when I was intimate with my partner?

Well then if you didn't know why be hard on yourself it was an unknown then.

How do you know maybe your partner had HPV and didn't get it from you?

Is there a definitive way to tell where it came from, I doubt it.

I recommend you quit having bad feelings about this and leave it behind and move on with life.

Work towards a serious relationship with your partner that leads to a marriage union not just a partnership.

I also recommend that your partner does not waste any time and get that dermatologist appointment ASAP.

I think it would be an especially good idea for your partner to also get an appointment with a good ENT (Ear Nose & Throat) Doctor ASAP.

ENTs are all in on anything head and neck and can quickly scope a person to see their throat area to check for problems and also order any necessary CAT Scans to check for issues if anything is suspect. They are skilled in recognizing all problems head and neck including the lymph nodes and lymph system.

I would be more inclined to see the ENT first but that is your choice I would not fool around getting an appointment.

Also, both of you should go and take along a notepad because there may be info you need to make note of, and also after the appointment you have the notes and 2 sets of ears that were listening. It is easy to mix things up and forget details in these situations.

Certainly, I can tell you from experience don't wait if and I say if there are any serious problems developing the sooner and the smaller you get them taken care of the better.

I would also recommend you check out the Superthread at the top of the head and neck home page there is loads of information in there with links and you will find it helpful.

Wishing You The Best

Take Care, God Bless

Russ

goffrey · March 21

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/329104/my-partner-may-have-cancer-because-of-me

Almost every sexually active person has been exposed to HPV. It wouldn't matter who he was intimate with. It takes decades after exposure typically to develop HPV related cancers.

bulldoug · March 21

Hello Maygodhelpus. Both Russ and goffrey offer great advice. Although it may be difficult not to experience some guilt, but truly it is not your fault. You did the right thing to be honest with him. Given his response, seems to be a caring person. No individual truly knows they have HPV until the symptoms appear. I admit that when I was diagnosed, I worried that my spouse may get HPV. As Russ stated, your partner should get an appointment with an ENT as soon as possible.

wbcgaruss · March 21

Also, I would like to add something along this subject line was just posted yesterday here on the forum relating to HPV and There is a lot of information included in that posting.

Here is the link for the post…

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/329098/hpv-positive

Below is the information I gathered from the net and a lot of it is a good read informing about HPV and that is always a good place to start, give yourself the knowledge then you can deal with the situation…

Hello, granmudder, I hope you are doing well today.

From what I am reading about HPV many never know they have it unless they get the cancer it caused or some other condition and then the 2 are connected.

HPV is the most common viral sexually transmitted infection (STI) in the United States. Roughly 14 million people get the infection each year. HPV is so common that most sexually active people who aren’t vaccinated against HPV will become infected at some point in their lives. Most never know they have it.

There are many different types and strains of HPV and it is I believe getting continually more widespread over the years because of declining moral negatives. So it is very likely many people have it who don't know it and don't even know about it.

What is human papillomavirus (HPV)?

Human papillomavirus (HPV) is a common virus that can affect different parts of your body. There are over 100 types of HPV, including strains of HPV that cause warts on your hands, feet and face. About 30 HPV strains can affect your genitals, including your vulva, vagina, cervix, penis and scrotum, as well as your rectum and anus. This includes the type of HPV that causes genital warts.

Consider the fact that your husband had it and got cancer because of it. If I am correct once you have it you have it and you can't get rid of it only monitor and control it so your husband still has it and always will but it is dormant now.

You have recently taken a test that shows positive for HPV so it is in your system and most likely dormant at this time. You are concerned that you may pass this to him again but since he has it I don't know that is valid.

I would say you both have the potential to pass it back and forth or not for that matter and being aware and monitoring with available tests and vaccines is the best you can do.

It may not show or be a factor in either of your lives again and just stay dormant so I would say live on, enjoy life, do the testing you can, and deal with life as it comes whether involving HPV or not.

Your long-term partner

Because HPV is common, it’s likely that both you and your partner share the same infection. It may or may not lead to cancer. You don’t need to change your sexual behavior with your long-term partner.

If your partner is female, she should have regular Pap tests.

Below are a couple links with good info for anyone interested.

HPV (Human Papillomavirus)

https://csn.cancer.org/home/leaving?allowTrusted=1&target=https%3A%2F%2Fmy.clevelandclinic.org%2Fhealth%2Fdiseases%2F11901-hpv-human-papilloma-virus

Can I pass HPV-positive cancer to my partner?

https://csn.cancer.org/home/leaving?allowTrusted=1&target=https%3A%2F%2Fmydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org%2Fmas%2Farticle%2Fcan-i-pass-hpv-positive-cancer-to-my-partner-1609128

How does a married woman get HPV?

https://csn.cancer.org/home/leaving?allowTrusted=1&target=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.stdwatch.com%2Fblog%2Fhow-does-a-married-woman-get-hpv