My 35-year-old husband has cancer, and I don't look at him the same way anymore

Rhonda8

My 35-year-old husband of 10 years was diagnosed with leukemia five months ago. We have been together since we were teenagers and have had a borderline perfect marriage up until his diagnosis. I have always loved him deeply, and he is a great man.

The first few months were extremely traumatic for me, and I had to bear the brunt of everything. I am exhausted beyond words. Thankfully, my husband is doing much better and his in-hospital treatment is ending soon.

The problem is, he is anxious to get things going again in the bedroom, and I am not. He has always had a much stronger sex drive than me, and he is pushing me to get back to it. I'm not exactly sure why, but the thought of sex almost repulses me. I don't like when he touches me under my shirt or grabs hold of my bum. Not to mention that we won't be able to open-mouth kiss and will need condoms to protect me from the chemo he will be taking indefinitely. It's not a physical problem (although he looks very different). It's almost like I'm waiting for my husband to come back. Like this person isn't him. He always protected me and has been my safe place all these years. Our roles have been reversed. Now I look at him and feel pain and fear. He is an ill person that needs care, not someone I feel sexually attracted to. I'm over here trying to get through the days, and he wants things to be light, sexy, and fun. We are not on the same page at all, and he is getting frustrated with me.

Has anyone else lost their attraction to their spouse during the cancer process? I feel so guilty for feeling this way. Please help!