Recurrence Anxiety

Jeff_M

Hello. My name is Jeff and I was diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcomo at age 9. I underwent a little over a year of chemo and a short stint of radiation therapy. I've been cancer free ever since. I am now a husband and a father to 3 beautiful little kids. When I think about how well my treatment went and how trivial the long term physical effects have been on my body, I know I am truly blessed.

However, as an adult I suffer from what I can only describe as extreme recurrence anxiety. My first episode of this anxiety occurred when I was in my early 20s. After getting checked over by my MD and a specialist I was assured all was well. I lived a pretty anxiety free life up until my wife and I had our first child in 2016.

Since then I've had 7+ episodes of severe recurrence anxiety. I've had to undergo MRIs, visits to the ENT, gastroenterologist, podiatrist, etc. I am currently undergoing another episode of this anxiety and this one is one of the worst I have yet to experience - its been on going for 2 - 3 months. I have already had a few visits to the MD around the issue and I have the feeling that I won't find relief until I can get some sort of scan to clear my worries once and for all.

I've been trying to cope with this anxiety on my own through mindfulness meditation and exercise but it just hasn't been enough. So, I've recently starting seeing a therapist. He believes - and I agree - that this anxiety is going to be something I will always live with. I underwent a great trauma at a young age and that isn't going to ever go away. One thing he suggested is I join some sort of survivor support group and this looks like a great place to start.

I have so many blessings in my life and this anxiety can keep me locked head and away from my children, my wife, my friends, and my personal goals. What have others done to help cope with the fear of a recurrence of cancer? Of their fear of death? I am ready to heal. Maybe some of us can do it together!

PurpleSia

I just wanted to ask if anyone here has tried journaling or daily check-ins to keep the anxiety more manageable? I’ve found that writing things down helps me spot patterns and triggers. Also curious—has anyone found certain times of day worse for the fear, like mornings or just before bed?

Jeff_M

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1723915#Comment_1723915

I haven't actually tried that specifically but I have kept a gratitude journal on and off in an effort to try and keep optimistic. What has helped me tremendously and actually helped me break out of my last anxiety episode was EMDR therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD and EMDR as been a gift from God. If you are struggling a lot with anxiety related to your cancer and you haven't considered this I would strongly encourage you to look into it. It's done wonders for my family and I.