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The struggle

txlawife
txlawife CSN Member Posts: 1 Member
in Caregivers #1

I don’t even know where to begin. My husband was dx with Stage 3 DLBCL lymphoma and is now in remission. But as we finish up the chemo I am imploding. I am angry most of the time. The cancer and treatment has taken a huge toll on our relationship and it’s getting worse. I am hopeful it can improve but my heart is heavy and I think I must be pretty selfish to be feeling this way.

I’m tired. I know everyone has things they are dealing with so I won’t get into all the details just been a rough couple of weeks today the least.

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Comments

  • naraszuhra
    naraszuhra CSN Member Posts: 1 Member
    #2

    I know those feelings as well. You’re not alone. I joined hoping to find some relief and not feel so bad about myself. I hope you find some comfort soon.

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  • KarlyVi
    KarlyVi CSN Member Posts: 4 Member
    #3

    You are not selfish. It sounds to me like you stepped-up from a combo of obligation and love and the dynamic got skewed because you had to be everything. Also it feels like fear is meddling somewhere in it and that is a tough ball of string to un-knot. I hope you can find joy in the things that light you up while things figure themselves out.

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  • katjano92
    katjano92 CSN Member Posts: 2 Member
    #4

    I totally feel this too. My husband and I were only married for 2 years when he was diagnosed (with a 10 month old baby at home). We were 29 & 35. That was two years ago. (He has Grade 4 Neuroendocrine Cancer of the Pancreas, mets to liver, bone, kidney, bowel, lungs)

    Our dynamic has changed so drastically, and along with the stress of raising a toddler, the rage is real.

    Thankfully I've been in therapy for a long time and he really helps me understand where all of this anger is coming from. I need something to be angry at, since I can't be angry at the cancer, I tend to take it out on him. My poor, sick husband. It makes me feel so guilty. But I am so mad. I am mad for so many reasons. The cancer is so stubborn and keeps coming back. He's so young. We have a little girl that we are supposed to be pouring all of our energy and time into. It's been a really tough time.

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