Having difficulty with caretaking

alkoski

Hi. My mom was diagnosed with stage 1b pancreatic cancer in December and underwent chemotherapy almost immediately after and had a total pancreatectomy in April. She has bounced around from care facilities to hospitals and is now home. She is unable to walk on her own, use the restroom alone, and constantly needs someone around her. Her personality has completely changed since her diagnosis; every task is thankless and I don’t see love in her eyes anymore. I am only 22 and it feels like the entire world is on my shoulders. Does anyone have any advice to get through this?

KeepItMovin

Hello, 

I have been in a similar situation, caregiving for someone very close and witnessing their personality change. It is very tough, and caregiving can be extremely difficult, often thankless but necessary, especially if there is no one else to provide care. Getting rid of expectations from others, or hopes about outcomes, and approaching the situation from the perspective that it needs to happen and you will not necessarily receive the care or recognition you desire/require can be difficult to grapple with. But we can’t control other peoples actions or emotions, only our own, as unappealing as it sounds. Here if you’d like to chat. Sometimes just saying the things out loud that are burdensome can be some form of relief. Best of luck, try to find things that bring you joy or are a healthy distraction and don’t try to predict the future, just do the next task and keep it moving.

barehead

Most major cancer centers have support services (counseling) for patients and caregivers. They also have social workers that can try to help you get daily living assistance for your mom. Try them.

Thanks for being a caregiver. it is a tough but essential job that does not get a lot of recognition.