Alone

kuronrp

So recently mom went to the ER because she started having panic attacks and of course unknown fears etc.

My father is finally set up with hospice care and now I know he will get the assistance he needs when it comes to his health and "quality of life" So tired of hearing that saying.

Anyways, I havent updated you guys lately. So we WERE in remission and I thank God for the boost and the opportunity to see my mom AS IVE KNOWN HER. Unfortunately, front line has failed. So we are moving back to carboplatin and now avastin (Yalls thoughts or experiences with that?)

so the point of my story today is that I realized in all FACTUAL reality that I am going to die alone. I am striving so hard through my mental health and substances and managing both of their real needs and support I can provide (Of course I organize each request in order of importance) lol

But seriously..... my mom said Wednesday that my brother and I abandoned her and she felt dumped off. It hurts me SO BAD to know she thinks her own truth but she doesnt want to talk about it. She did write it though so I love that!

The only other family memeber that I have who would be there for me would be my Aunt. But shes older than my parents. BOTH MY PARENTS ARE DYING AT THE SAME TIME and once they are both gone I am ALONE! This is all I know as my family. My mom and dad are all I have ever had as a family and now I am going to be in their situation one day and I wont have anyone.

THATS SCARES ME!

And I know I posted this is coloectral cancer board instead of pulmonary..... we will talk about that another day. Prays and love