Mom - Stage 4 Colon Cancer

nmilewski

Hello everyone!

I just found this website today, and decided to join for my mom who was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer back in December of 2021. I have read a few posts and really appreciate everyone's openness and vulnerability of discussing their diagnoses and their stories.

The story itself is quite wild. My mom started to have some abdominal pains early 2021. In October 2021, she had such intense pain (to the point she could not stand) while at work that she took a train to the nearest hospital - she takes the train to work and her boss told her she couldn't take her, but would get an Uber for her if needed which I still think about today and resent her for it.

After doing some tests, they told my mom she would need a full hysterectomy as there are some spots on her ovaries, and being 49 at the time this was the best choice.

I remember the day of her surgery like it was yesterday. We were told the surgery would only last a few hours. The surgery ended up taking about 8 or so hours. In the pit of my stomach, I knew something was wrong.

On December 1, 2021, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. I do not know the specifics/details, but if anyone asks, I will look into it more. I just remember that during her surgery, while cleaning her up, they noticed some dark spots on her colon, opened it up and found a lot more. I also remember something about testing 22 of her lymph nodes and 8 of them being affected by the cancer as well.

The doctor told my mom she would need to get a port inserted January 2022, but due to an infection from the surgery, the doctor kept pushing it back as they weren't going to place a port in while my mom had an infection and was on antibiotics. A few days later, they let my my mom know that there was no sign of cancer, that they must have removed it all, and she wouldn't need the port - great news!

Or so I (we) thought? Why wouldn't a stage 4 cancer patient need any type of chemotherapy, right? In the movies, they make a big deal about cancer and how you absolutely NEED chemotherapy to get rid of the cancer.

Fast forward to 2023, my moms scans started to show some kind of spots on both her lungs. Towards the end of 2023, the doctors let my mom know that the cancer has spread to her lungs. Now they are trying to put my mom on the port again, but she does not want to start or be on chemotherapy. She has gotten a second opinion, and was also advised to start chemotherapy.

My mom is wanting to go another route, but she's scared to tell her doctors. I don't think a doctor can force you into chemotherapy, is that right? What should she tell her doctor?

My mom has been seeing people that deal with illnesses holistically, but I would like to know what else I can do to help her.

Long story short, my question to you all is, has anyone refused chemotherapy, what did you tell your doctor and what did you do in place of it?

Thank you for reading if you made it this far, and I appreciate any and all feedback! God bless you all.

Capox Dude

I’m so sorry to hear about your mom joining our club.

The decision to take chemotherapy or not is a very personal and individual decision that I will not question. Everyone has their own idea of the type of life they want to live until that time that all of us will meet our maker. It often boils down to what type of life do you want that time to be like. Some people want to fight to the bottom of their soul, and do anything in a hope to beat the cancer and live. Other people in that same situation look at their quantity of life, and decide that if they have only so much time left, they do not want to spend it sick and weak from chemotherapy, but want to spend whatever good health time they have left with friends and family enjoying themselves. Neither is a wrong answer. In between there are often choices available as to what type of chemotherapy you agreed to take. in my case, I did not want to do what my oncologist wanted, and wanted to take pills instead of carrying around a bag and having infusions. I also wanted to get it over with quickly, and the course I took was three months instead of six.

You need to let your mother know that she is in charge of her care, and no doctors will force her to keep therapy. I think she is stressing about something that has no possibility of happening. Doctors cannot kidnap you and give you chemotherapy. Some people do poorly on chemotherapy, and their doctors will stop chemo, lower the dosage of chemo, or take a break between chemo treatments that are longer than normal breaks to allow the pages to recover and feel better.

I am glad you’re here, and there are so many wonderful people who know so much more about this than I do. I do not visit this board that often. The main thing I want to convey is that her fears of being forced to do something are understandable, but are absolutely misplaced. if you can convince her of this, her stress will go down and that would be wonderful.

I will add that I would never do a holistic therapy instead of traditional Western medicine of surgery, radiation, chemotherapy, and or immunotherapy. I have a strong gut instinct against that. But that makes no difference - because your mom is the only person who needs to feel comfortable with her treatment. Just make sure that someone is not charging her a fortune for treatments that have no basis scientifically in treating her cancer. I wish you all the very best good fortune.