Loved One Fatigue?

Portuge_Artist

Hi everyone. I hope this finds you well.

I was diagnosed with Stage 3 rectal cancer in November 2022 at the age of 40. They also found a rather large tumor in my sigmoid that wound up demanding emergency surgery. 6 weeks of radiation/chemo, 3 major surgeries, and 8 rounds of chemo later I'm on the cusp of potentially completing my treatment. I'm scheduled for 12 rounds, to be completed in March.

This entire journey has been an absolute rollercoaster, like everyone's. I lost my little brother to cancer when I was 10 years old and the two year battle he lost left a permanent mark on my mind. The trauma of walking in my brother's footsteps with cancer was a personal nightmare I almost couldn't face, to be honest.

I had a lot of support from loved ones in the beginning. I live alone, I have almost no family near me, and my friends mostly bailed when I shared my diagnosis with them. Or shortly after. It was really comforting to get a text message, a call, a package, anything. It helped me feel as though I weren't so alone.

I've endured treatment surprisingly well and I have a lot to be grateful for. I have seen first-hand how terribly wrong all of this can go. But the silence from my loved ones is becoming deafening. Maybe they feel this is just about a wrap, or maybe they're tired of the whole thing.

I worry that maybe they're just sick of me.

Has anyone else experienced this? A part of me had hoped that this would bring us together, but it seems to have just pushed them all away.

CoolGirl

Hello & I am really sorry you are enduring that silence. It is hard and family relations can get strained. I have dealt with and continue to deal with some of those issues. They sure are painful! Emotional pain is real pain too. I can share that when I called a family member to share that I am now on hospice and facing very little time left. They got mad at me and told me they have nothing to say to me. That was the end of the road as far as that person talking or pretending to care about me. And it hurt me! Because I wasn't go after more treatment they are mad at me. I tried to "go after" more treatment I just couldn't get more treatment. I guess the Cancer I have is aggressive and has outlasted the treatments.

My heart goes out to you during this painful time.

You sound very strong and I commend you on doing the treatments. Way to GO! Remember, this is your life to live not theirs. If someone doesn't have the moral fabric to keep showing you the love you deserve and to see you through this-are they worth you're heartache? You have been granted more time on this Earth! I would give so much for that.

Go forth and live your life to the fullest! Enjoy it and Have fun! Make new friends and new relationships.

Congratulations on making it and Brave Onwards!

Portuge_Artist

I'm so sorry to hear about your prognosis and the unfair criticism you received from family! I can't imagine trying to fight for something, being turned down, and then being blamed for not even trying. How absurdly backwards and hurtful when you are already facing such a heartbreaking situation. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.

It's hearing stories like yours that steadily reminds me of how lucky I am. I was very close to not making it myself on a couple of occasions and staring that down was something that words fail to describe. The fact that you are here and providing comfort to others is really amazing. Examples like yours remind me to act with dignity, courage, and grace.

I guess people just started kinda fading all at the same time and I wondered if it was a common pattern. I worried that it was just me. Either way, I will have chances to make connections with new people. I guess the answer to this question doesn't matter. The better question is probably "What will I do?" I have the luxury to consider that.

Thank you for the reminder, and I hope that you find everything you need as you move forward.

Christine_DC

Thank you for sharing your story ..

I was first diagnosed as stage 3 colon cancer (sigmoid colon) in September 2022 as 36 year old then stage 4 cancer in January 2024 with liver met.

I really empathize with you and I often feel the same way , that, while I know my family and friends care about me and love me, but it’s gotta be tiring to see me or hear me deal with cancer all the time.. even during the time I was NED, I had such anxiety about cancer returning and I was tired of myself for being that way. I lost some friends after cancer diagnosis as well but I came to peace with it, maybe they just didn’t know how to handle it ..

Many will never understand what we, as cancer patients/ survivors, have to live with.. and as much as I worry if people around me are tired of me, I have to live - with cancer. Sometimes we have to be selfish and be ourselves..

CoolGirl

Thank you so much Christine for your kind comment. Yes, this whole journey has been one long hard road with very few breaks in the clouds. And you clearly know what I mean.

Yes, they may be tired of hearing about our struggles but we can't just pick this up or put it down.

I am so sorry you now have it in yr liver. My heart goes out to you! I also do too. Going to see a surgeon to ask for care. Just hoping and praying. I have very little to no support and it's so painful and very lonely. I am thankful to you for your kind words.

Stay Strong!