Feeling guilty

LisaAnn68

Hello,

My 80-year-old father who has always been extremely difficult and angry recently was diagnosed with Lung cancer that has metastasized to his bones and brain. This is a 2nd primary cancer; he was originally diagnosed with Urethral cancer back in 2020. He had the largest of the 4 lesions in his brain removed a couple weeks ago and is now home and requires 24-hour supervision. I live across the street so am able to come here during the week to sleep and work from my parents' home to give my 84-year-old mom help as she is unable to provide 24 hour care herself and needs the support as well. My sister comes up on weekends to relieve me from my duties so I can go home and be with my husband.

Surprisingly my dad says he has no pain or discomfort, which I don't understand. He does rely on a walker for stability and has a speech impediment since the surgery, which causes him frustration. We have noticed over the last couple days an increase in his anger and frustration with everything and towards us. As I previously mentioned, this is a man who has never been loving, caring, or very attentive but it is now getting worse.

I had a talk with him telling him that I understand his frustration and that I am sorry he is going through this but that we are all doing the best we can and need him to be more aware of his actions...; however, I'm not sure he has control of his actions. How do we manage our day to day lives with his rollercoaster of emotions?

Thank you in advance

Lisa

gungadinn1997

First off Lisa, I am so very sorry for what you're going through. It is quite possible that he doesn't have control over his reactions and doesn't realize he is doing it. I went through quite a period of time with my boyfriend where he was just downright nasty. It took time but I learned that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the disease and sometimes his medications. It's hard but most of the time I remember it's not me and ignore it and move on.

Kim

LisaAnn68

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1710341#Comment_1710341

Thank you, Kim I appreciate the response. It's difficult to separate the man he was before Cancer (angry and always mad about everything) and to remind ourselves that it's most likely the cancer and medications. We go this Friday to go over the pathology results; although we know this is not curable and he has said on multiple occasions "it is what it is, no sense worrying about it" but I can't believe he's not scared.

gungadinn1997

I'm sure he is scared. Just do the best you can and remember that you are! It's very hard. I cry a lot of days but away from my boyfriend.

Best of luck Lisa!

Kim