Well meaning relatives

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mart62
mart62 Member Posts: 31 Member
edited September 2023 in Head and Neck Cancer #1

Just spent a week with a relative who proceeded to tell me, that there was no cure for my cancer .This was such a depressing conversation and I am struggling to shake it. She took away my hope and I told her so. She says she is just being real.

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  • wbcgaruss
    wbcgaruss Member Posts: 2,276 Member
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    WoW!, Mart, with relatives like that who needs enemies? I can't imagine you would ever want to visit there again.

    The depressing conversation quit struggling, shake it, forget it.

    I looked back at an earlier post of yours and your doctor says he can handle this and you can too and be cancer-free. Listen to your doctor for the final word on treatment and advice not to downer relatives and others. Your doctor said "My radiation oncologist is very upbeat and says he can treat this and it is doable." You are getting Proton therapy and the proper chemo to accentuate it and eradicate your cancer.

    You said that you were on Keytruda for 2 years before this so apparently they held off more aggressive treatment for a reason and waited for the right time to go ahead with it. If nothing else the Keytruda kept the cancer at bay and stopped it from growing and I am guessing was shrinking the tumor in your neck. I am guessing they were holding off and shrinking the tumor due to your previous cancer so as to get it to a point where they would not have to give you excessive radiation. Not only is your team eradicating your cancer but they are looking out for you in regard to long-term effects not wanting to give you any more radiation than necessary.

    Our medical people are getting smarter with more options and ways to deal with cancer. Sometimes even when they can't get rid of someone's cancer they have ways to keep it stable and not doing anything like growing and spreading for instance thus treating it like a chronic illness and the longer they can keep a person stable a cure for their particular situation may be just on the horizon.

    Not that your situation is like this I am of the understanding that your Oncologist has a plan to implement to get you to a cancer-free status. So listen to him and not any nay-sayers or depressing people. Your doc said "This is treatable and doable"

    Mart I myself am living proof you can be cancer-free again, I have had cancer 3 times and am cancer-free again since 2020-"Knock On Wood".

    Mart listen to your care team and listen to me "YOU GOT THIS", cheer up, brighten up, sing a happy song and put that week with a depressing relative out of your memory. You are Blessed. Stand Strong and don't let anyone steal your hope, joy of life, happiness and future. Trust in God, pray a lot, live life, enjoy what you have been given.

    NEGU (Never Ever Give Up)

    I celebrate your progress--


    Here's to you kid, looking forward--


    Count your many Blessings, Name Them One By One--


    Wishing You the Best

    Take care, God Bless

    Russ

  • mart62
    mart62 Member Posts: 31 Member
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    Russ I have metastasis to right lung which was why they quickly started chemo. I am scared and cant figure out how it got to this point..

  • mart62
    mart62 Member Posts: 31 Member
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    they zapped it with radiation

  • wbcgaruss
    wbcgaruss Member Posts: 2,276 Member
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    It is because when H&N cancer metastases that is the first place it goes to the lungs. That is why people treated for head and neck cancer should have a CT Scan with contrast or at minimum an X-ray of the lungs every year. So I did not read that you had lung metastases is this just recent? Either way, you are getting treatment and I am sure your doctor has taken this into account and still said "This is treatable and doable"

    Your main issue seemed to be with your relatives depressing you. I don't understand them.

    But anyway--no matter who we are have our days numbered whether we have cancer, had cancer, or never had cancer so just enjoy each day to the fullest and find wonder and joy in even the smallest things. Like the sparrow, you see out the window they are cared for and do not worry, are you not worth much more?

    Don't let anyone take your hope away, and don't let anyone take your joy away, hold onto it and listen to your doctors.

    Wishing You the Best

    Take care, God Bless

    Russ

  • mart62
    mart62 Member Posts: 31 Member
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    unfortunately I must spend this next week with my neice since I am gettting radiation in Baltimore.

  • wbcgaruss
    wbcgaruss Member Posts: 2,276 Member
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    Well, Mart, my sister had a small tumor in her lung and they just watched it for years with yearly scans and finally it started to grow so that was what they were waiting for, once it started growing they did radiation with the Cyber Knife and got rid of it and it has been gone ever since.

    Take care, God Bless

    Russ

  • mart62
    mart62 Member Posts: 31 Member
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    Thanks Russ you are a blessing

  • wbcgaruss
    wbcgaruss Member Posts: 2,276 Member
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    I hope so Mart, I hope I have helped you.

    Anytime someone takes you in a negative direction just dig in and take them positive. Just think of the Blessings song.

    Take care, God Bless

    Russ

  • Diogenese
    Diogenese Member Posts: 13 Member
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    Hi Mart!

    I'm disappointed in your relative. I'm under the impression that everyone knows that one of the most important things to do to beat any illness is to maintain a positive mental attitude. I have to assume, based on your story, that your relative is not aware of the most basic advice for beating cancer, which suggests to me that she is either totaly misinformed or totally ignorant, therefore you should totally disregard anything she says and get back on your positive track that leads to defeating cancer, even if there is no cure today. When you defeat it, you live to fight another day. Enjoy those days and bless your family with the wisdom that only you have.

    We know so much more about how to defeat/cure cancer than we did a few years ago. The researh that is being done each year is done by people who know more about cancer than researchers knew the year before. How much money is spent on cancer research each year is hard to tell because of all the variables involved, but as Carl Sagan would say: "Billions and Billions..." I'm involved in cancer research in my own small way and I can tell you that the best number I can come up with for sure is $49.5B in fiscal 2023 and that number seems to go up at about $2.5B per year.

    As I do my own individual research about my situation, I'm almost overwhelmed by the choices of treatment that are available and every time I turn around it seems like their are new options to choose from. It can be a full time job just keeping on top of the options that are available to me in my own unique situation. I can't help but think breakthroughs are just around the corner.

    I think this advice works for your current situation:

    Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

    I'll leave you with those famous words that we usually hear from Russ, "Never give up!"

    I'll continue to keep you in my prayers and may God keep you in the palm of his hand.

    Positivity equals longevity.

    Diogenese

  • mart62
    mart62 Member Posts: 31 Member
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    Diogenese thanks for the feedback

  • Nilremic
    Nilremic Member Posts: 1 Member
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    For those who don't know, a new drug is in Phase I trials. In the lab (according to press), it was able to kill all known tumor cancers without being toxic to healthy cells. Human trials (Phase I) is already on the way.

    https://www.news-medical.net/news/20230801/Phase-1-clinical-trial-underway-to-test-City-of-Hope-developed-cancer-treatment.aspx

    The Right to Try bill of 2018 says any drug that passes Phase I trials can be used for people with terminal illnesses (like Cancer).

    Everyone keep their fingers crossed.

  • wbcgaruss
    wbcgaruss Member Posts: 2,276 Member
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    Nil, welcome to the CSN H&N discussion board. Thank you for this news. It is appreciated that there is a drug that may really be a breakthrough on solid tumors. Any advance in medicine for cancer brings us hope. We folks who have had cancer may need something like this if we have a recurrence. Any advance is good news. The longer we live the possibility of new cancer-fighting drugs keeps us hopeful.

    Take Care, God Bless

    Russ

  • Duggie88
    Duggie88 Member Posts: 760 Member
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    Mart

    Russ is right if it returns it is usually in your lung(s). I had it in my neck in 2009 and it returned in my right lung in 2018. They zapped it five times and it ran away. I was told by my lung oncologist because it returned I will never hear the word cured from him. We all know how life seems to stop after we hear the word CANCER, I heard it threre times and if I allow it to, it will rule my life every day. Unless your relative is a doctor and knows your full history, I would do my best to forget the conversation. I know it's easier said then done but you owe it to yourself and your sanity to do so. I believe your relative was speaking about their satupidity that has no cure.


    StayPositiveStayStrong

    Jeff

  • mart62
    mart62 Member Posts: 31 Member
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    Radiation is over and now I just have to shake the damage done by my relative Debbie Downer over the last 2 weeks. Unfortunately I had no choice but to stay with her .I am in a lot of pain , lost my voice and had to resort to oxy In order to eat. I will be getting chemo here where I live which will make things alot easier. Thanks for all the support from you guys.It really makes a difference knowing I have someone to lean on. Thanks again to all who contributed. Marty Mart

  • wbcgaruss
    wbcgaruss Member Posts: 2,276 Member
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    Marty, so glad you crossed the finish line and are now back home again. I pray for you in dealing with your pain. I also lost my voice for a while till it came back. Glad you can finish up now getting chemo where you live. If you need anything else please let us know.

    Wishing You The Best

    Take Care, God Bless

    Russ