Plain talk - I like it

Icantbelieveit

I'm finding that I like the "flavor" of this board because people are speaking very practically about cancer and treatment, good and bad, etc. In real life, I don't have a spouse to speak this way with and I'm finding that family and friends, when I'm asked about what's next, are really put off by my matter-of-fact tone in discussing my cancer. I'm guessing it's because it's gynecological and it's cancer, but has anyone else found that it's difficult to have a real conversation about your cancer with anyone? I keep getting "it'll be fine" and "don't cross that bridge until you come to it." I'm putting all my advance directives into place and just trying to speak about MY wishes for treatment and further care, but it seems to be a delicate subject for everyone else. \

Prayer2023

Yes, I know it’s said in a caring and loving way, but sometimes it may not feel like that. I will say that I’m the same way and sometimes I don’t want to even talk about it. I try to put myself in their place. I think everyone is just cautious and careful with their words, because they don’t want to hurt you in anyway.

NoTimeForCancer

Icantbelieveit, I remember talking with a patient advocate at the cancer center. She was battling a third recurrence of her BC and she was such a blessing. She was so straightforward and pointed out people don't want to talk about the cancer "down there". But we have to not be afraid to say it. We also need to spread the news to other women when able. I suspect many of us have gotten the "how did they find it" question because they want to know what to look for, but the discussions? They are definitely not for everyone.

I remember when I was a volunteer at Ronald McDonald House and had my a scarf on my head. One woman from a group that came in to make a meal for the families walked right up to me and started to ask me questions. She told me that she had had rectal cancer and how people don't want to talk about that at all. How could my heart NOT go out to her!

I do think it is easier to have the frank discussions with strangers. Our family and friends are afraid they will lose us, so it makes those hard, but we have to go somewhere. I realized some people will never know what to say, and I give them grace as well. There are ways to gently correct or point things out, but that is an art as well.

Mercorby

Hi there,

I have such great family and friends, who are helpful in taking me to appointments when needed. However, it is a burden on them when I want to talk about cancer and what is really happening with me. For that, I go to the therapist at the cancer center, online forums, and when I really needed it, support groups. Check this site out. https://www.sharecancersupport.org/uterine-cancer/ It has support groups, a helpline, great information, and a free bag to help you on your journey.

It is funny, though, that once people know you've had cancer, they come up to you and talk to you about anybody they know that is going through it now, kind of like you're the expert in all cancers. As NoTimeForCancer suggests - I just give them grace and smile.

Best wishes,

Corby

Forherself

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/326833/plain-talk-i-like-it

I had a very hard time talking to family and friends about cancer period. They asked questions I could not answer. I was learning, and I also felt they needed comforting and reassurance. I was not able to do that. I was in need myself. I just didn't talk about it. I guess I came here most for discussion. And I think that is ok!