I am selfish?

CharlyInCharge Member Posts: 1 Member
edited July 17 in Caregivers #1

Hi everyone. I'm new here and so grateful to know that this exists.

My partner of more than 20 years was diagnosed with Glioblastoma during the height of COVID. I like to think that we are still very young people. He was diagnosed at age 36. We have had a pretty rough and toxic relationship over the years. I took care of everything in the relationship, planned everything, made sure the bills were paid, cooked, cleaned, etc. Long story short , he has never really been the supportive stable man a woman would want for a long term situation, unfortunately for me I was extremely naïve for a very long time. So, toxic that we were pretty much on the verge of separating , than one day he got so sick and we rushed to the hospital to find out he had Glioblastoma. At that point I was thrusted into the position of caregiver even if I was not sure we should be together. After his diagnosis he seemed to latch on to me harder than he ever had before, which was out of his norm. He seemed to realize he needed me. He has been more soft and more willing to show love but to me it seems a little to late. I also came to a realization that I also have a life that's involved in this, my life. I started to realize how short and delicate life is and if this is something I really wanted to do. I am honestly feeling resentful and used. I don't have many people to talk to about this , or to talk to at all, but the advise I keep getting is that I would be an evil person if I decided to leave him, or if it was the other way around would I want someone to leave me while I'm down. I'm just so overwhelmed by this. I feel stuck and I have no clue what to do. Is his life experience more important than mine?