Just Plain Tired

UsVa2023 Member Posts: 5 Member
edited May 9 in Breast Cancer #1

Tonight, I’m tired.

Tired of waiting for test results.

Tired of waiting for the doctor to call.

Tired of putting on a brave face.

Tired of going to appointments.

Tired of being behind.

Tired of trying to catch up.

Tired of waiting for surgery.

Tired of dreading it.

Tired of being patient.

Tired of being a cancer patient.

Tired of putting off things we wanted to do.

Tired of all of it. Every bit of it.

Just plain tired.


  • LovesPrimes
    LovesPrimes Member Posts: 9 Member


    Wish I could say something profound but I can't. You have every right to be tired. You are seen and heard.

  • coedward
    coedward Member Posts: 2 Member

    Right there with ya'!

    I was diagnosed w/TN in March and have completed 7/12 weekly TC treatments (w/Pembro every third), was deferred from treatment today due to labs, and feel like a kid on a snow day!

    Might I add, I'm tired of shortness of breath - but grateful my echo is still normal.

    I'm tired of the occasional swelling in my foot - but grateful that there was no blood clot and that compression stockings and medication have helped. In an odd way, the previous care giving for my mom (who suffered from COPD/Diabetes/HBP/CKD) and various pets has given me knowledge that I can now apply to my own situation.

    I'm tired of nausea and only wanting foods that are sweet and/or cheesy - but grateful that now I can't taste kale and the other "healthy" foods that I grind into my daily smoothie as a meal replacement.

    I'm also tired of my cyborg port, acne, nosebleeds, losing my eyelashes (as if the hair on my head wasn't enough), wearing hats for others' comfort, wearing masks to potentially save my own life, the feeling of impending doom, and the weight of my potential decisions (it's taken me 2 months to conclude that the risk of recurrence is too great for me, and I am opting for mastectomy rather than lumpectomy -- which would also require a 90-minute commute for radiation every weekday for 4-6 weeks).

    For me, the tiredness reflects a feeling of powerlessness, which I imagine is inherent to this process. I'm fortunate that my care provider (UC Health in Colorado) has an online portal/app that greatly improves access to results, scheduling, and secure communication with providers. Perhaps that is an option for you, as well? They also assign a Nurse Navigator who I can email directly for guidance and support; as someone who has always had sleep issues, being able to send a message at 3 AM has proven helpful, emotionally handing my issue off to someone else so I can get rest rather than ruminate over it all night.

    Truly, I FEEL YOUR PAIN, but the ONE thing we control is our attitude. I don't know your Dx, but if my tumor had not been identified early (which was a fluke, in a CT scan due to a dislocated/fractured rib after a car crash) my prognosis would be very grim. I am grateful to have caring and professional doctors (breast specialist, oncologist, plastic surgeon) and staff who have been responsive and dedicated to my care - even if they are an hour's drive away. My life circumstances are not ideal, but somehow the timing has proven to be beneficial in many ways.

    I may not be able to go places or do as many things, but I value the smaller accomplishments that I previously might have taken for granted (like starting seeds for a small deck garden, rather than buy plants for a larger garden in the yard, and watching the hummingbirds on the feeder as I stop to catch my breath).

    I hope you are feeling more rested today! I am new to this site, but feel free to contact me if you would like.