Emotional regulation

Engineerguy

I was diagnosed with AML a few months before my 15th birthday in 1999. I’ve been blessed with this opportunity to continue life, but over the last several years, ~7, as things have changed and created a family, my emotional awareness and control has become not good. I have 3 kids, 11, 9, 7 and they are wonderful. I’m currently married but that’s where I’m really struggling. We’ll argue, I’ll get defensive, sometimes say something untrue and unkind, we’ll discuss, come to resolution, and a couple of weeks or months later I’ll repeat. I will work to try and not repeat these things, but it’s like if it’s not right at the front of my kind I start to forget the emotions I experienced and how the behavior has hurt my wife and just repeat. I’ve been in therapy for 7 months now working on identifying where these emotions come from and how to handle them and it’s so slow, so slow that I’m looking at my wife wanting to end our marriage. There has been progress, and this is hard to explain, I’m happy to expand if anyone has questions. My question is has anyone else experienced issues with emotional regulation and understanding? I’m working hard to be a better me, there are parts that I’m not happy with. It’s just been very painful, almost watching myself act like this in the moment and unable to be honest to myself and open up. I know other factors play a role in this, but being in therapy almost every week for over 7 months I would’ve thought the progress would’ve been better.

po18guy

Very sorry to hear this. I assume that you are not in treatment, such as steroids. A fight for life, whether in war, other physical violence or illness, can effect a significnant change in one's psyche - a type of PTSD if you will. The worse the diagnosis affected you, the more result is eventually seen. We are adaptable creatures and we have the potential to adapt, and to recover. It may not be easy or quick, but the struggle is absolutely worth making.

Aside from counseling, do you have any philosophy, cultural or family practice, religion or other spiritual practice? All deal with illness, death reconciliation and recovery in some regard. If you do, please consider diving into them. If not, then you might seek a psychological and spiritual method of coping and healing which produces tangible benefits. Even a call or email to your doctor can yield good results and a direction to go.

Engineerguy

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1705179#Comment_1705179

Hello. Sorry for the delay, been going through a lot. No steroids or any treatments like that, in therapy, almost weekly. Meditation not often enough, but increasing. More positive self talk, just working on me.

po18guy

One day at a time. That's all we are given. That's all we can handle. Occasionally, it is more than enough.