Abandonement by children

Blondie1057 Member Posts: 1 Member
edited May 2023 in Breast Cancer #1

I was diagnosed with breast cancer January 2021 - surgery and then 19 radiation treatments. At the time, I was sole caregiver for my 88 year old blind father. Fast forward to September and my cancer metesticized and now the prognosis of stage 4. Chemo treatment was an absolute. Knowing the horrific side effects that Chemo can cause and knowing that with the prospect of those side effects, I started looking for caregivers for my dad. After banging my head against a wall with 15 different agencies, I started unraveling. Add to the picture, I divorced my husband one year earlier for infidelity. Just a day after all of the resources dried up for my dad's care, I discovered that my two children had helped my ex move just 45 minutes away from me. I had relocated 300 miles from him - not wanting any contact. When this news arrived, I didn't unravel - I fell apart. I called my daughter to convey the stage 4 - to address their inconsiderate move of their father and some heated words were exchanged.

Since that time and even after one intervention session with a wonderful counselor, my son NEVER contacts me, my daughter texts me on holidays but rarely asks how I am doing. She changed my grandchildren's phone numbers and will not give them to me.

My friends who have known me and my children for years are stunned. Their words ---- your were a great mother and engaged and sacrificial with your children. How can they do this to you?

I have talked to a counselor and it helps, but I am curious with all of you out there, if you have experienced this, how are you coping? It hurts so bad to know that at the time in my life I need my children the most, they have chosen to walk away.


  • Faith Helen
    Faith Helen Member Posts: 21 Member

    I'm very sorry that's happening to you right now. That hasn't happened to me but I can well imagine family getting on-edge and losing sight of what matters. That kind of 'blindness' happens. I think it's the heat of negative emotions clouding our wiser, better minds. I am sorry for your children because they will regret what they are doing in the future, I hope they can listen to kinder, more sensible thoughts and come around sooner....sounds like you are doing what you need to do. See your counselor, spend time and energy on positive relationships and people who are being kind and friendly NOW. Seek out what makes you feel better - animals, growing plants, art. Love and care for yourself. Sending positive thoughts to you and to your children.

  • rosecal
    rosecal Member Posts: 2 Member

    Hello Faith Helen,

    Sorry you are going through so many difficulties at your most difficult time. Just want to offer some words of encouragement. Good thing you found out a year earlier that your ex was been unfaithful and not when you got your diagnosis. Your kids hopefully they will see the error of their ways and turn around. If you belong to a parish sometimes they will help. There is St. Vincent de Paul Society. They help with rent and meals. They are different in each city. I hope it helps. Also sending positive thought to you and your family.