Anxiety……

JohnBravo

Treatment is over, cancer appears to be gone and I’m back to work. I have less to worry about than I have in a long time. But I find my anxiety getting worse every day, it comes on easier, stays longer. Ativan helps but I try not to take it often, thc helps but it’s not perfect. I can’t watch anything suspenseful or exciting or I get very anxious, heart races and I start sweating. It’s kinda like that feeling you get when you are in the principals offices waiting to get in trouble. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the simplest things, to the point where I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing, like I just draw a blank. Going to start virtual and in person meetings at Gilda’s Club to see if that helps..

SandiaBuddy

You might consider the possibility that there is some chemo lingering in your body. There are some old discussions about this, but it could affect your health and outlook. For me, vigorous exercise seemed to help clear it from my body--including breaking a sweat.

With that said, there is some degree of PTSD involved with cancer and treatment.

Time definitely helps. You do not mention how long you have been out of treatment, but for some it takes a year to normalize.

Meditation helps some members. A book that was helpful to me was "You Are Here," Hanh. The board is very slow, but hopefully other members will chime in with their experiences. Amazon.com: You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment: 8601420076822: Hanh, Thich Nhat, McLeod, Melvin, Chodzin Kohn, Sherab: Books

Best of luck to you.

rblakeward

JohnBravo

I was right there with you - during treatment , I was so focused on the mission , it drove me and despite side effects , I could stay on track - when that structure went away - I was definitely lost - the after effects of neuropathy and chemo brain - did not help matters. that PTSD , it's a real thing.

It did go away - I got better , but it took about 8 months before I felt like myself again.

JohnBravo

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1703759#Comment_1703759

Finished the last part of treatment a couple months ago.

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1703733#Comment_1703733

just finished a couple months ago.

SandiaBuddy

Well, you definitely have my sympathies. Time will likely help, but what do you think is the root of the anxiety? No one knows you better than you.

beaumontdave

Time will lessen those feelings, but the PTSD is different for each of us. I couldn't cope well with intense scenes or some movies, during and after my treatment, and my wife's arch to her passing. My 18yo very angry son, my ADHD, defiant, roaming granddaughter/ward, and the demands of my work, had me nearly numb and unresponsive to all but was in front of me. Having drinks helped momentarily, at times, though it made the tense moments far worse, if and when they came. Xanax on occasion took the peaks off the anxiety, still does at rare moments. Mostly, accepting the regular reminder of my own, coming mortality, really freed my fears. The readings on Stoicism and Mindfulness, the concept of "Memento Mori" coupled with a real belief in living ''in the moment'', have brought me the calmness, and sense of well-being, that I carry these days. It's not a perfect armor against stress, some is needed to get it in gear, to get certain things done, but I don't live in and with fear, at the level I once carried. Look things up, find what works for you, and don't just wait for it to go away. Being mortal and aging, mean that other traumas will likely come, other losses, other conditions and situations, and learning to cope with lasting trauma, is an essential skill, for all us humans.........................................Dave

Bret_Rice

Holy smokes, I felt like I was the only one who felt like this following treatments. Learned I had Stage IV CRC in Nov 2021. During FOLFOX treatments that is where all of my focus was and whether side-effects were kicking my butt or not, I knew what to expect, when, and how to prepare for the up's/down's, lots of structure with the regimen. Now that treatment is over (late summer 2022, full clinical response) I feel like I'm all over the place, and my anxiety with worry of it coming back is always there. I live in these 3 month spurts now (more like 6 weeks before my mind starts wandering) thinking about what will be found on the next round of scopes, scans, etc. I have a new oncologist since completing treatments and she has told me during both visits with her that I need to get my port removed...so...I went to my surgeon just this Monday to have it removed but broke down while there because of my fear of it coming back and I definitely didn't feel ready to have it removed, so I didn't. Feel like I'm losing it, any suggestions for getting beyond this fear/anxiety? Is this normal? What the heck!

sgold88

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1703825#Comment_1703825

Take comfort that your medical team is comfortable removing the port. What a great indication that they don't think you need it/will need it any time soon. My wife had similar feelings to you. She did have it removed and eventually felt a lot better. Good luck and congratulations on the full clinical response.

SandiaBuddy

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1703800#Comment_1703800

BeaumontDave, thanks for broaching the topic of mortality, which is a sensitive topic for some. I meditate briefly on mortality every morning when I get up, and I believe it has helped me to achieve more peace in my life. To me, when you contemplate death, the only choice is to live now.

beaumontdave

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1703825#Comment_1703825

Welcome, I lived those 3 month intervals for 10 years or so, the scans and blood panels were always upcoming and the reading of results, nerve-wracking. I had to find peace in not looking down the road, compounded even more so with my wife's brain tumor and treatments. A brain can be trained just like a body can, and there's lots of ways to do it, plenty of books and techniques to reference, and learn from. The first, most self-evident is 'living in the moment', training not to obsess, nor stare nor think about anything beyond your day's requirements, and the good moments you intend to have, as best you can. Life is very much about perception, go find those methods of training your outlook, you have nothing but pain and anxiety, to lose............................Dave

Erica2016

Yes those three month intervals are riddled with anxiety . What has helped me is exercise and lots of it. My body becomes stronger and my mind becomes clearer even if its for those few minutes. Give it time and live in the moment.