pissed off Breast Cancer ****

nevernotlate

I'm 43 years old mother of 2 and I recently had a mastectomy, 6 months of chemo, radiation and now I am onto the anti estrogen therapy. I am miserable and I cry all the time and no really understands the impact this has on a woman. My husbands thinks I am crazy. they all think I should be happy to be alive. obviously I am glad im not dead however, the price I am paying to be here is huge. I am pissed off that all this has happened to me a young age. I fell like **** almost everyday I just am having a really hard time accepting my body and life now. I hate it. I hate the way I feel and I hate the way I look. anyone else feel this way.

Annie_Hall

@nevernotlate it breaks my heart what you have gone through and although I am much older at 68 my BC was caught early, I cry in secret so not to be a burden on my family and friends. I start radiation this coming week. That's not why I feel compelled to comment to your post. I know what it's like to feel like you are trapped in some dark sewer. Instead I'm thinking: I went through many years of hormone therapy for osteoporosis (thinning bones) in my 30's. The hormones helped my bones but may have contributed to my BC...and made me feel like an emotional mess most of the time. Unpredictable mood swings, depression, wishing I wasn't even here. Hating my life.

Is it possible that the hormones is contributing to your misery? Best thing I have been told is to try to find a good support group of other women going through these trials. I have not been able to hook up as of yet but I found this site in the meantime. I'm praying for you and I promise you will get through this. Yes you are so young, you still caught this early AND you have kiddos that need you and no doubt others who you will guide by your experience to help them through the dark times. Your body is not your life, if you can get reconstructive surgery, then please consider it. If not, remember in Heaven you will have a new incorruptible body. If you are not a Christian, I hope you will consider. If not, I am your friend because we have shared trials. Blessings to you and your family this Christmas.

ScottD314

I am so sorry for what you are going through! My wife and I are at the very beginning of this nightmare. She was diagnosed with stage 2 BC three weeks ago. The doctors say her prognosis is good, but the tumor is large and we are still waiting for a few test results that could change the prognosis in a hurry. Right now she is adamant that she will not accept a mastectomy as an outcome. I am trying to convince her that defeating the cancer and staying alive is so much more important. I'm sure your husband and family are thinking the same thing. After all, "not dead" is really a good thing! Hang in there...

mariamichaela

I feel your pain. Had lumpectomy , chemo, radiation in 1999. I was sure I was good to go...until last wk. Same breast. Different cancer. Am 74 now but it's really hard to have a mastectomy emotionally and physically. I told my doc I can no longer sign up for wet tee shirt contests. I try to laugh but unless one has gone thru this it's really hard to relate. Prayers for you

Lallinid

hey dear.... the only thing that can heal you is time and your positive thinking towards yourself. I was detected with same case at the age of 40 in 2019. had six months of treatment via chemo and radiation. My cyst was big approx 2cm and had lumpectomy. i can relate my journey with yours except the difference of mastectomy.

i am mother of 2 children and during my healing phase the good decision which i took was that I had rejoined my job within 6 months. And I assured to keep myself away from all those people who are ready with their suggestion box. You need some time doing all those things which releases happy hormones like I started little bit of walking and yoga. it helps.

believe me days will be better after each passing day. today it is 3 years now, i take all the precautions and medicines. i feel more strong today.

its fine if you cry sometimes, you can read https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/322428/uncertainity-and-loneliness#latest; during that time i also felt lonely as if no one can understand what i was going through. time will heal everything, and your mental trauma which you are facing is normal. i am repeating.... try yoga, work, sports or reading books and never try to find out the answer for the question ... why this happened to me ? no guilt nothing wrong its just a situation which you will pass by successfully. this new normal will make you more strong.

be happy ... THIS TOO SHALL PASS; I am with you.

Nidhi

Truckincrazy1

I'm 63, found breast cancer on PET SCAN for lung nodule, doctor came in said great news no lung nodule, but we found a tumor behind your

nipple. My world as I knew it crashed, triple negative. Hardest to treat. I did lumpectomy, 22 rads, no chemo. No hormones, I had to fight to get PT cause radiation kicked my butt, flat out on my back. I get angry too. My breast is mangled, I have pain constantly, can't lift my arm. I cry a lot, my grown daughters don't understand me. My point is to be thankful you are here today. We feel your pain, and you are not alone. The entire year of 2022 was doctors, tests, more tests. I have 3 more doctor visits January and I don't know what I will do if it comes back. The shadow of cancer will follow me the rest of my life and I hate it. So I remember to appreciate today and I am thankful I am still here. Try and go out and walk if you can, do family functions, vent here. The hormones are probably messing with your emotions. Tell you doctors, they can change them. I know its a difficult road but all of us here have been through it. Push your doctors to get what you want. I have another story about that but its been resolved, I will say it took a lot on my part to read the reports myself and demand the high quality of care I deserve. Get answers, try different treatments, research and research. Fight this girl! Hormones won't help me. I did find an awesome therapist at my cancer center and she is an angel sent by God. Try to talk to someone and get your feelings out.

Truckincrazy1

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1702599#Comment_1702599

Stay strong you and wife will get through this. I refused chemo, and the drs were not happy. Your wife must do what she feels is right for her. She will fight this. Learn as much as you can, look at all of your options and don't let doctors bully you or your wife, doctors do what they trained to do, surgeons do surgery, doctors treat the body with pills, they won't like it when you tell them what you want. She has you and that is wonderful!

Desiree18

I totally feel where you are coming from. Had I not had a feeling that something was wrong in my body and labs that came back abnormal I would'nt have found the cancer, and was years away from a mammogram (diagnosed at 39). I am heading into surgery in a few weeks - bilateral mastectomy. I am bracing myself for the reality that I will wake up and have no breasts. The mastectomy is my choice however it doesn't make it any easier. Hang in there and try to remain positive. Your mind has a huge impact over your recovery! Life sucks now, but we have to believe things will get better! Much love to you 😘

Kiki11

Hi! I’m one year out and I’m 43. I felt the same way on the estrogen therapy. The minute I stop, my mental health came back to normal. The estrogen therapy was killing me. Physically, I could barley get our bed and take care of my 3 year old. Mentally, I was going crazy. I felt it and couldn’t control it. I am much better since stopping!

lisahg

The way you feel is totally understandable. I encourage you to find a therapist to help you deal with your feelings, and invite your husband along so she can help him understand why survival alone is not enough.