Lonely in the middle of family

smu

My husband died a little less than 2 years ago from leukemia. I moved in with my son that night and have never left. They are been an extraordinary help to me emotionally with two children that I spend a lot of time, energy and money on. My daughter and her family live very close. So it all sounds perfect, but I cried myself to sleep last night. In the middle of a informal spontaneous family get together we were playing games on the wee (spelling). Each time I played against someone their family members were pulling for the person in their own family. It made me feel so deeply alone. They are my family, but sometimes it feels like I don't have a family. Each of them have their family members who have their back so to speak, but my supporter place is empty and it feels so scary and so empty. I realize this is the way families operate, but it still hurts when in the middle of family you feel so alone. Of course, we don't talk about Sonny (husband) because I don't want to burden my children with my grief so I retreat to my bedroom to suffer in silence. What is the answer to this god awful dynamic.