Uncertainty

noodgie

Hi there- I had a recurrence of my colon cancer after 5 years- I had 6 treatments with fulfox and then surgery/ I was told that the margins were clean and had three positive lymph nodes- I just had my port removed but am still having difficulty with believing that there is NED. I sometimes get paralyzed and don’t want to make plans - I also believe any symptoms I have means the cancer is growing - any help in dealing with this would be welcomed .

SandiaBuddy

This seems to be a common dilemma. There is the saying, "once you have had cancer, everything is cancer." Perhaps counterintuitively, I have found that acknowledging my mortality helps defuse some of the stress. I meditate briefly every morning and as part of the process I acknowledge that I will die. With this acknowledgement, for me, the only choice is to live in the moment. Good luck with these issues. I hope others will chime in with their strategies.

noodgie

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1701323#Comment_1701323

Thanks so much I appreciate the support and suggestions!

Trubrit

All normal reactions to a Cancer diagnosis, and in my experience, you really have to find your own way of dealing with it. Trial and error, as people share their experiences, you can try them, and find just what works for you.

For me, I did well during the day, but was paralysed with fear at night, leading to very little sleep. It got so bad, I honestly thought my head was going to explode, even though I knew that couldn't happen. I came across a guided meditation CD for chemotherapy patients, and wow, it was miraculous. I never looked back. Sure, I still had, have many moments of fear, but they no longer paralyse me.

So, meditation continues to be my way of dealing with things. I, like you had a recurrence, but here I am, 10 years since diagnosis (10 years tomorrow, actually), Stage IV, and fighting the fight, every day. I accept that for me, it will always be a daily fight, but it does not rule my every thought anymore.

Tru

noodgie

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1701463#Comment_1701463

Thank you so much! I have been trying different approaches but haven’t found one that Seems to help for more than a short period of time . I will keep at it and hope the stats don’t continue to feed my fear .

beaumontdave

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1701469#Comment_1701469

Hi Noodgie, I stayed in the moment, [as much as possible], practiced mindfulness, learned from Stoicism, and still took Xanax, on occassions, when it all got to be too much. Sometimes it's a combination of things that helps one get through it all, there is no one magic mental fix for most of us, I expect. Hang tough!................................Dave

chemo22

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1701463#Comment_1701463

Ur note gives me brief hope txs. My husband just dx w stg 4 out of no where we're relatively young n have many plans but i can't sleep think of everything.. God .. Its stg 4 mets will chemo wk or is this just mk him sick for nothing. Do we have a legitimate hope for remission or even long term survival? Just a bag of emotions!

Trubrit

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1701681#Comment_1701681

There is always hope. I am Stage IV and 10 years out since diagnosis. For some people, it can be a long battle keeping it at bay, with chemo for life. For others, like myself, I got it all over and done within the first two years, and pray that it stays away forever.

For your husband, you will not know, so it is worth hanging in there, as he may very well be one of the lucky ones.

Being old, I found reading your post a little difficult. I'm not much up on the abbreviations.

I wish your husband, and yourself, the best. Move forward believing that all will be well, and face the battles as they face you. Don't look too far ahead at what might be.

Tru

chemo22

Txs so much for ur perspective. I'm just overwhelmed w all kinds of things right now n everyone says to be strong for him. But i appreciate ur idea of face battles when they come instead of worrying about what hasn't happened yet.