Larynginal cancer , after 35 radiation treatments ---- when's the pain stop

1_escoteric_biker

So 48 and lost my voice last November , fast Fwd April and I find out ! Months of my ears ringing like a dog whistle just stoped , n a week later the residual pain came , w vengeance , 35 radiation treatments n that all hit me , tired sickly melted throat , went from 175# to 138# ! First 3 weeks were the worst .. I'm 2 months out from radiation and doc said it's gone , and I'm still healing I guess , still tons of ear residual pain ,totaly no voice at all , so I'm spoda restart life and experience again the fun of setting goals living life , get bck to work ( how I can't talk ) I got PTSD acting up pretty bad along w depression bouts of switchable maina ... My bike my solis, my faith in God , my love for my wife n family , I hate that they see me so banged up damn near 360 ,

Now for weird stuff ... I'm a way better person from this experience that's still far from over , more attentive to my wife and our boys , I like the new me , Im a better dad , I'm a more sensitive and intimate husband to my wife , I'm nicer to people , I've slowed down cuz I finally figured out being in a hurry makes everything unpleasent , so to move fwd w life again , how , wht job will I have if anyone will hire me w o speech !!! This experience has taught me that anyone w cancer is as tough as nails as it gets ... It's not all just cancer , it's a trainwreck of a multyfasited escoteric Changes in mind body and soul fighting , fighting to beat it , fighting to accept it . I hope this wraps up asap , I can't wait to try and shelve all of this lostness I feel and turn around and find purpose and meaning again in my life for the first time in a year , I was a Machinist closet to 30 yrs ... I refuse to be only just a surviver ,

So riding my motorcycle day b4 I see the doctor and hopefully get good news , I wiped out on my chopper n messed myself up good lol , got lucky ... I started radiation with a broken left tibia , and ended it with a broken left shoulder lol lol lol 🤣🤣🤣 ... " FIND THE HUMOR IN THE PAIN " I always say.

Thank you

wbcgaruss

Well, welcome to the forum 1_escoteric_biker glad to have you and hope you find the needed support to get you through all of this.

First of all please check out the Superthrtead at the top of the page on the Head and neck forum it is loaded with information and help in dealing with H&N cancer and treatment and many other aspects of it.

You are certainly going through the gauntlet of the Head and neck cancer experience.

Things can seem terribly rough and sometimes it’s hard to keep hope, but hope you must.

You will get through this and when you look back 8 months or a year from now you will be amazed at what you went through and how much better you feel.

Has your doctor indicated if your voice will come back?

You lost a good bit of weight, did you have a feeding tube?

You have a lot of things going on PTSD, depression, etc., but you will get through all this.

Above all you mentioned your faith in God, don’t falter on this he will strengthen you in all things and watch over you.

Be as strong as you can for your wife and family, but be sure they are aware of the struggle you are going through and I am sure have strengthened themselves to do what is necessary to help you, the one they love to get through all this.

Your family sees you beat up but they know it’s not your fault, it’s cancer that your treatment is going to eradicate that caused it, they love you dearly and think no less of you.

It appears by your second paragraph that you have experienced the feelings of so many who have gone through this or really any cancer treatment.

That it is sort of a wake-up call in many ways and to love your family dearer, and hold your friends closer, and cherish what really matters in life.

We realize many things that seemed important to us before are now put in a different light and sometimes abandoned.

We realize that what is really important is family, friends, and life these we remember years later but the things we owned are soon forgotten.

Some have even said that cancer has been the most important thing that has ever happened to them because it gave them a new outlook and perspective on life they never would have had without it.

It seems you have experienced a portion of this.

Fear not you will get work again one way or the other, you will persevere.

And I would bet in the field of your choice.

Also, I would like to add if you are still in pain see your care team, they should see you have all the pain medication you need to get through this.

Stay ahead of the pain and keep it under control.

Take pain meds on a schedule if you have to say every 4 hours or 6 hours whatever you need so you are not in pain because pain really wears on you.

Below are some quotes of Ken Curtis a filmmaker about his perspective of having cancer.

Ken Curtis Quotes

One day I woke up dreaming about going back to the time before I had cancer.

And then I realized I did not have to give cancer more than it’s due.

Because cancer’s like a wicked thief that broke into my house to find money,

jewelry, and other valuables.

But that thief misses so much.

My books, my pictures, my written journals in which I preserve cherished reflections,

these the thief leaves untouched.

They’re some of the most precious valuables.

And I came to realize that there are things in life that cancer simply cannot reach.

Maybe it can ravage the body, but it has no claim on the soul.

Ken Curtis

And this is the place I’d like to say how appreciative I am for a man who showed me

that goodness and love does follow us.

He could have looked at things differently, he could have become very bitter.

His uncle had saved up to put him through college, but as a youth he thought he knew it all.

He left school when he was 14, and later went back to school nights and self-educated himself.

He was fortunate to get a good woman for a wife, but they lost their first child Billy

when he was only 8 years old when he got hit by a New York to Boston express train.

Then in her prime his wife died a prolonged death from cancer.

To pay for the medical bills he got involved in a business that went broke.

And then he lost a second wife to cancer, and I could go on and on.

He did end up as an officer in a major corporation and did work until his mid eighties.

But the setbacks that he experienced never made him cynical.

Every single day of his adult life he began on his knees giving thanks to God.

In the midst of all that life threw at him he still knew and found that goodness and love

followed him.

And I know this is all true because that man was my father.

Ken Curtis

I hope some of this helps and if you don’t mind sharing a first name with us, it’s more personable.

Remember we have a saying on the forum here NEGU ( Never Ever Give Up )

Wishing You the Best

Take care, God Bless-Russ

wolfsurvivor

Hello, I'm glad to see you have reached out to others. Cancer patients mental health is often over looked or flat out ignored. I to have lost my voice and can only speak with a voice prosthesis which little more than another hole in my neck. Lol. What you have gone thorough is tough and it sounds like you are doing okay but want to be better. I know what you mean I think when you said "Changes in mind body and soul fighting , fighting to beat it , fighting to accept it ." When we go though all this our/my brain just doesn't seem to know how to make sense of it. I have fought with thoughts after cancer that I thought I would never have. It has taken hours of personal growth work and therapy to even begin to feel normal. So my thoughts after reading your post is that with the right support group we can get through anything. I hope my rambling has helped answer your question.

SuzJ

voice isn't that.. just smile, it'll worry people!

The weeks AFTER rads are worst, the phlegm, the goop, ugh ugh - just keep it clean and dressed. Ask a nurse, they'll show you what to use.

SuzJ

wanted to add, like hair, you voice will come back, not necessarily the same..

CivilMatt

1_escoteric_biker,

Welcome to the H&N forum (the place where NOBODY gets a “free ride”). To me, it sounds like you are at about the middle of the pack of the “H&N after treatment side effects”. You are not able to say that you “dodged the bullet(s)” from the cancer treatment, but it could be worse, really.

You are not only a survivor you are now contributing to the mountain of knowledge gathered and saved at H&N Central. I would like to think that each of us who participate in the H&N forum helps our brothers and sisters to deal with whatever (crap) cancer throws our way.

You are certainly correct to mention “FIND THE HUMOR IN THE PAIN”. Some of the best advice I have received in this forum made me laugh.

Oh well, it is back to normal here in the Willamette Valley in Oregon, it has cooled down to a normal 53 degrees and is raining. I like it and I am going outside to work on some projects**.

Best of luck to you.

Civil Matt

**side note: I usually have 50 or more active projects.

p.s. I am approaching my 11th year post cancer treatment for stage IVa, BOT, SCC, with 1 lymph node, HPV + (surgery, radiation and Erbitux) and things are pretty good, but I never forget where I have been.