Going back to normal

lavollen

Hi, I’m new here. I’m in my 3rd week recovery from a full neph of my right kidney and a “huge” mass as my doctor said. It was the size of a football. It started as robotic but the mass was too large so ended up with a very large incision. Pain wise I’m doing great. At my follow up appt. I found out it was stage 3 aggressive cancer. Doctor is positive they got it all and have a checkup in a month. This all happened within a month of seeing my doctor for fatigue among other symptoms so this has been shocking to myself and my whole family. Right now I’m having a hard time just going back to normal routine. With work. I feel like I’m observing myself rather than in the moment. It’s a weird feeling. I do cry at night or in the shower just thinking about my family and how this could have gone so much worse had I not insisted on figuring out what was wrong. I guess I’m seeking guidance on “normal” and how to do that again without thinking about this all the time.

Bay Area Guy

Hi lavollen. Welcome to the group, though I know you’d prefer not to have to join.

How to get back to normal is a question I think we’ve all asked ourselves countless times during our recoveries. For me, the robotic partial was my third surgery. I had emergency abdominal surgeries in 2004 and 2010, then the robotic in 2016. (As an aside, I did not look forward to 2022 when I noticed the trend of six year gaps between surgeries.). After each of those surgeries, there was an adjustment period to get back to normal. The physical part was a lot easier than the mental part. After the abdominal surgeries, any little stomach ache or twinge got my mind whirling with worry. Time finally got me back to at least a mostly normal state. Yeah, sometimes things pop into my head and rattle around there for a while, but they’re fewer and far between.

Ironically, from a physical point of view, the cancer surgery, being a robotic partial, was the easiest to recover from. But psychologically, it was the hardest. I think it was because of the six month, then annual scans. The folks here have a term for what happens…..scanxiety…..and it’s quite real. It’s also a reminder of what you went through and that gets the mind whirling with all the “could haves”. But, over time, those feelings do dissipate. In my case, for both the abdominal issues and the cancer issues, they’ve never gone completely away, but they are very minimal. I think the same thing will happen with you. Time will get you back to normal, then your upcoming scan date will bring the feelings back, but at a reduced level each time.

Best advice I can give is to do normal things to get back to normal. I found that listening to music when I got something into my mind was very therapeutic, as was walking out in the fresh air.

Deanie0916

Hi Lavollen sorry you are going through this. I agree with bayareaguy normal kind of returns with time. Humor helps me through a lot, funny movies, stand up comics, silly comedy. I don't know why but it does. Maybe immerse yourself in things you really enjoy. My normal has changed over the years and it's always an adjustment. I hope and pray for you for healing and peace with all of this💕

lavollen

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1700674#Comment_1700674

Thank you for the comment! I do think I need to find some therapeutic things. Doing normal things is actually what is hard for me to do. I did start adult coloring books right before my surgery a friend gave me maybe that could help.

AliceB1950

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1700709#Comment_1700709

I had a couple medical issues going on the same year as my kidney cancer. What I did was deliberately schedule as many fun things as possible, all through the diagnostic processes up until the surgeries, and as soon as possible after surgery. My husband and I took a short car trip vacation about a week before kidney surgery, and another one about five weeks after. The week after my nephrectomy, I decided it was more fun to walk in my favorite local park than around the house. The more good things you plan and can look forward to, the less time you'll have for overthinking - which can take us down grim roads if we don't sidetrack ourselves. I had to start radiation six weeks after the nephrectomy because I'd had breast cancer surgery before the nephrectomy. I turned it into as much of a game as possible - my husband bought me a pack of dollar lottery tickets to scratch off one at a time after each session. And on weekends, we kept up the day trips. The bonus is that when I think back on that year, I remember the fun stuff and day trips and mini-vacations more than the dreary medical crap. Think of it as creating a flow chart for the path you want your mind and body to follow.

lavollen

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1700732#Comment_1700732

I’m hoping this is true for me. October is my favorite time of year with Halloween and Marching band with my kids. I’m far enough in my recovery now I’m ready to attend more things and get out more. I even have a Halloween party planned way back before all this happened and am still planning to have it. What I’m finding is because that actually is a normal thing for me it’s still hard. I think it’s hard being around everyone. It’s tiring saying the same things to everyone all the time yet also weird to not. This all happened so fast i didn’t have time to process much. I think my emotions are catching up now that the physical part of the ordeal is finished.

Deanie0916

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1700734#Comment_1700734

Your scar can be a great addition to a Frankenstein monster costume...😄😜

lavollen

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1700749#Comment_1700749

It’s so funny you say that! I was bride of Frankenstein last year and told my husband I did that a year too soon! 😂