Spouse with cancer?

RDGV

Just wondering if any of you are in a marriage where both of you have cancer? My husband has metastatic prostate cancer 4B which is responding well to chemo. He was diagnosed in February. So my diagnosis this month was… a lot to process. Our kids are adults, but we still have work and a home… and I’m trying to process how I am going to manage things. Pretty much I have been the chauffeur, laundress, cook… with some meals from friends to support me. But now… I feel more than a little overwhelmed.

I am on the ‘cancellation’ list for the gyn-onc for my surgery consult which is now not scheduled until 8/9. But since I am getting over COVID, it’s probably a good thing that I can’t be seen sooner, because they would delay the surgery. Today, however, my rapid antigen test was clear. So I’m closer to surgery. I am getting an MRI next week to help with staging. CAT scan after the surgery appointment (why, I don’t know. Insurance, I’m guessing.)

Seeing long term survivors gives me hope. It all depends on my staging after the MRI and surgery…

Forherself

It must be so hard to deal with two cancers in the family. My husband is well so I can't comment on that. Do your adult children live nearby? There are also volunteers who drive people to treatments. Hospitals have social workers who can help with these problems. Ask to speak to yours. I can certainly understand the feeling of being overwhelmed. Do you have someone you can talk to? I think someone else who has been through what your are understands better. And for me, as I mentioned, going someplace new helped me leave all the worry behind for a few hours. A new trail or a new restaurant.

Yes your staging will have a big impact on the future so its hard to sit and wait. Hugs to you.

Sue

NoTimeForCancer

RDGV, my first tip: please take a breathe. You are right, it is overwhelming - one is a lot, but two? Yes, it is a plate full. Maybe try to start at a one day at a time approach. Yes, you will have some things to do as you prepare for surgery, but one step at a time. The shopping list needs to think ahead a little (I know that sounds a contradiction to what I just wrote) but what will you need or can stock up. As for travel, the ACS does offer some services, and while I can't think of where it is, transportation is one of those things they can help with.

Hugs dear one, please try to take a breathe.

thatblondegirl

Hi, RDGV

I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this at once. I was very dependent on my husband when I was at my sickest and had my so many appointments. I know you’ve been doing that for your husband and can’t imagine both of you needing help at the same time. My friends here have good ideas about where you might find help. Sometimes CSN Support Team posts on our threads to offer ideas of where to get help. When you get further along and know more about your diagnosis and upcoming treatments, you might reach out to them for ideas for support.

We’re here to offer what we can.

Hugs to you & your husband,

A

RDGV

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1698492#Comment_1698492

Our daughters live in Phoenix and Vermont (I'm in Maryland) so... they do not live very close. First for my focus is recuperating from surgery, which is tentative for some time in August. THEN we are going to take a week in Vermont as a family to spend time together and get collected in heart, mind, and body. Chemo for me won't happen until mid-late October. I am "gathering my pod" as my spiritual director calls it, including letting other people take charge of organizing meals, rides, and even laundry. Big change for me, since I've been the one handling the household pretty much. You're right. It is step by step.

Forherself

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1698635#Comment_1698635

Your plan sounds good. Four weeks after my surgery we went to our cabin in Canada. I am amazed when I look at the photos from that time what I was doing. Hopefully your recovery is smooth. You are younger and that helps.

Sue

RDGV

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1698661#Comment_1698661

I'm 67 so... not sure it's that young. My arthritis sure reminds me when I overdo it. LOL Mostly it's about having hope and possibilities.

Kaleena

I was 45 years old when I was diagnosed with Stage 3A, Grade 2 endometrial Adenocarcinoma. (My kids were 15, 13 & 11 at that time) I had a recurrence in 2010. Ureter by-pass surgery in 2015. During 2015, my husband was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. I had major surgery in 2018 requiring an ileostomy. Ileostomy reversal surgery in 2018. Humorous Fracture in 2019. Foot surgery in June 2021, Lysis of Adhesion surgery in February this year where they ended up taking another piece of small bowel. We still worked through everything. Unfortunately my husband passed at home during the COVID shutdown from his cancer.

Momschooling

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/325437/spouse-with-cancer

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 (also 4b) prostate cancer in the fall of 2019 age 58 at the time (I was 46). He's still hanging in there and on ADT in addition to radiation prior. He helped me a lot through my own cancer bout, he understood my anxiety and was really a rock for a period when I was an utter mess. Now we are just cherishing our time together a lot more. I worry about our adult son, and how he must feel with 2 parents going through the cancer journey, but he appears to be ok thus far.

RDGV

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1699355#Comment_1699355

Yes, our daughters (ages 31 and 27) have really ridden an emotional roller coaster. They are strong young women, but two parents diagnosed with cancer in less than 6 months is... a lot. They both got their own therapists and found their own support network. It's the hardest "adulting" lesson I have ever seen...