Mother Newly Diagnosed with Stage 4B

Ellemay

Hello, I am new. My 81-year-old mother was just told she has stage 4B colorectal cancer. So far, we only have the CAT Scan and small biopsy results from colonoscopy. Quick summary of what looks terrible...she has 40 nodules in lungs, 3 lesions in liver, the primary is the sigmoid and it is in the lining of her abdomen. We are waiting for PET and larger biopsy results. Her only symptoms are anemia, diarrhea, some pain in abdomen and is tired. We are so angry as her doctors ignored her symptoms for months downplaying them. She does not have to be in this place. She is trying to decide if wants treatment. Of course, I want her to fight and live.....if she will have quality of life. She is a very young 81. Travels the world and lives a full, active life. What will Chemo do to her? Is it worth it? If PET results show it's in other areas, her will to fight might even be less. Thank you!

Trubrit

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

I am sorry to hear about your mum. It is devastating news at any time, and to know that it could have been caught earlier, is a hard. Saying that, it is time to put the anger aside, and concentrate on what lies ahead in the future.

Every case is different, every person is different, and we can't really say how chemo will affect her, as we all respond across the board, in different ways.

For the most part, chemo is not a walk in the park. There will be challenges ahead, but to what degree, she will not know until she is neck deep in it.

I was very upfront with my Oncologist - I had a note book, jam packed with questions, every time I went to see him. I wanted the facts as he saw it, no beating around the bush. I did not want to suffer through treatment only to find out I had limited time left.

It is a very personal and very hard decision. If chemo will or will not give a person extended life and for how long, is it worth it? At the end of the day, the patient has the choice.

I do remember, when I was suffering through chemo and radiation, wanting to 'do it for the children' - who, at the time were still in school. Knowing they wanted me to live, made me push through. But there comes a time, especially when you are in your advancing years, when suffering through because you know you don't want to see your children hurt, is not good. Do you know what I mean? Make sure mum knows that it is her choice, her life, and flow with whatever decision she has to make, to make her happy and comfortable.

Your love and support can be her strength.

I wish your mum the best. I wish you, and all who love her, the strength to face the challenges ahead.

We are here on the forum, to help.

Tru

Ellemay

Thanks for your helpful reply! We all definitely want to support what she wants. I think seeing her suffer through treatment will be excruciating. She has more positive spirits today which is good. Plans to move forward one day at a time. If she starts, then stops chemo if decides is too much, will she possibly be in a worse place than now? Wish she had the crystal ball….enjoy life now or risk chemo that doesn’t end up being what she wants and loses the time she has now since causes her to feel worse or get through chemo and gain more quality time than has without? I think she needs more information. Still new at this so more time with doctors is coming. The doctors and nutritionist didn’t mention anything about sugar feeding cancer, etc. Is that a factor to consider? Thank you!

Trubrit

Sugar and cancer - there is much debate among those who have Cancer, and probably the professionals as well.

Some go all out and drop sugar from their diet. Others, like myself, enjoy sugar in moderation (well, I can go a bit overboard).

I had a good friend with CRC, and she pretty much dropped everything that might even hint at aggravating the Cancer. She tried some things that could definitely be called extreme, like colonic cleansing/coffee enemas , eating activated charcoal and other things that we might consider odd. She also went to the Gershon treatment centre in Mexico - because the treatments are banned here in the US - came home and died two weeks later; and to be honest, her last months were pretty damn miserable, not because of the Cancer, but because she had no joy in her life. No treats, invasive treatments, nasty concoctions. It was her choice, but for me, I want to have joy before I get to the point where it is actually taken away from me. A very personal choice, indeed.

While time is of the essence for your mum, being staged at 4B, if she could get a second opinion, that might give you all more information.

It is going to be a very hard and tough decision, but you are right, if she moves forward with chemo, and it gets to be too hard, she can stop whenever she wants. The choice is hers. I doubt it would put her in a 'worse place', but I know she will talk it all through with her Oncologist. It is always good to have someone else at the appointment. Soo much information, hard to absorb. I took copious notes, hoping I didn't miss something.

The forum can run a little slow, nowadays, so hopefully others will come along to share their thoughts and experiences.

Tru

beaumontdave

Welcome, I can't really add much to Tru's words, I did function fairly well through 12 treatments of Folfox, though I was 49 at the time. If she's as up and active as you indicate, trying some palliative chemo certainly is worth the chance, everyone truly is different in their response to the various chemos. Time versus QOL is always a tough call, but I've always been the ''give it a shot'' type, so my instinct is to try it a while. Best of luck to your mom..........................Dave

Ellemay

Thank you! She has decided to fight. Chemo starts Monday. I am curious of other’s experiences that have it in the peritoneum. Diagnosis isn’t very encouragIng. Thanks!

TeamT

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1697781#Comment_1697781

Ellemay,

I am so very sorry to hear of your mother's struggles. You are correct, that diagnosis isn't very encouraging. I have Recurrent Endometrial Cancer that has spread to the peritoneum (peritoneal carcinomatosis). Also, not a candidate for surgery. You asked about other's experience with chemo for this type of cancer. As reported above, every person reacts differently. Personally, I did very well with only constipation (watch out for that, it happened almost immediately for me), neuropathy and fatigue.

Your mother might also be a candidate for a clinical trial if she is so inclined. When the options become limited, that is something to think about. I have been participating in a trial since I started chemo last November. My chemo ended in March, but I have continued taking oral medication (or placebo) since then.

Best of luck and please continue to keep us posted.

p.s. I have been receiving my treatment in Lexington at the Markey Cancer Center at UK. They are right up there with MD Anderson if you want to take a look closer to home.

Ellemay

Thank you so much for your reply! I am very sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I’m thankful to hear you are doing well with treatment! That is encouraging! I think after two months of chemo and once the biopsy is back, we see how she is doing and if there are other options out there. KY sure would be nice since is close. Thanks for telling me about it! Wishing the best of luck to you as you go forward!!