Venting.

Mattrf

I have been in great to good shape most of my life, I was always a gym rat and liked working out and staying in shape then 20 years ago I was walking down the hall at work when it felt like someone stabbed me in the left eye with an icepick, caused me to fall to the floor. That was the start to a 20 year headache, the pain was constant only changing in severity and no cure for it they only could say that it was nerve related. I have been on more medication and tried more procedures than I can count. A year ago tried yet another experimental procedure but this one worked, for the first time in 20 years that constant ache was gone and no more severe pain that caused me to curl up in a ball and cry like a baby, I now only get very short lasting spikes and can go days without even that. Then my back starts to hurt like hell, doc says arthritis and I need surgery, now I did tell him three times the pain was not just in my lower back but also mid and upper back but when he did the first MRI they did not catch my kidneys. After surgery the pain was worse so a second MRI but this one did catch the bottom of my kidney and the mass on it. Guess it turns out all the medications they had tried on me for the head pain was what probably caused the cancer, so finally get rid of the head pain and trade it for cancer. do any of you feel like God hates you, I am contently asking what I may have done in a previous life to deserve the pain I am enduring in this one? Don't get me wrong if not for the cancer and pain I have a great life, I have a fantastic wife a great job and looking to retire in a couple years but now wondering what kind of retirement that will be? I am constantly bouncing between depression and flat out pissed off about having cancer. How do you wrap your head around this and come to a point of acceptance and move on because I am just not there yet?

Mmoses25

God did not do this on purpose to you believe that your going Thur stages of cancer the first stage is why me then you will be angry once you accept it you will be in a better place I told my wife when I fist got it what did I do wrong or so bad to deserve this we all go Thur it just remember you will get Thur it and life will go on what stage are you and how big is your tumor and one last thing stay off the internet it’s out dated information

Mattrf

The did not tell me what stage, the tumor was 4CM lower right kidney now removed but cells up to the cut line and have to wait until Oct to get a scan to see if any on the rest of the kidney. They said the cells are to small to see right now on any test.

Mmoses25

It’s probably stage 1 same size as mine but mine grew into fat of my kidney that’s why I was stage 3

AliceB1950

Hi, looks like you've started two threads right off the bat, which can be confusing. Just a point here: how about all the rest of us who got kidney cancer who DIDNT take the meds you were on? I know a lot of people want to find a cause for their cancer to have something to blame, but there seldom is an identifiable cause. And you're lucky to be one of the few who had pain, because that helped you get diagnosed, although in a roundabout way. Those of us with no symptoms were being scanned for something unrelated when our tumors were found, and some had gotten large. Mine was 7 cm, but that's still just barely stage 1. Do you have an online medical portal? All the pathology information should be there, including the type of kidney cancer (there are several), the stage (should be 1 unless it was invasive), and the grade, which shows the aggressiveness and other characteristics.

BTW, this was my third type of cancer, 4 if you count lower-grade skin ones. I didn't cause mine and neither did anyone or anything else. Try not to be angry for too long! It can be as bad for you as having had cancer.

Mattrf

Yes just heard from Doc stage 1 and grade 1 and mine is clear cell. Hard not to be mad or depressed I know I will get to the point I can at least pretend I am ok just not there yet. I go for a lot of long walks 3 - 5 miles on weekdays to help lose some weight and try to be healthy figure healthy I am the better off I am.

Thanks for the info.

Mmoses25

You can’t get no better news then that

Mattrf

How long does it take for it o stop hurting after surgery? I am just about two months now and it is getting better only hurts on the side they removed half the kidney on now but still hurts to the touch and when I twist or roll over in bed.

pando0

How are you going. now Matt?

pando0

Also how old are you?

Mattrf

I am doing well had my CT scan last month and still no recurrence of the cancer so feeling good. I still freak a bit when I get strange feelings but I know it is all in my head, so I try to ignore them and just live my life. :)