Work-To return or not, navigating disease uncertainty

skye74

Hi friends!

I'm sure this question has been asked a million times but, I'll ask it again..

I'm 48, have stage 4 clear cell, diagnosed 6 months ago and have completed 6 cycles of chemo and debulking surgery. Not in remission, still have disease in my liver however overall better and am taking a break from chemo. I'm on a month to month CA 125 monitoring plan so essentially, I don't know when (not IF) it will start to increase and I have to consider restarting treatment. That being said, I'm contemplating returning to my career at least on a limited basis but I am very conflicted.

First, I am fortunate, I have 2 LTD policies and am getting benefits. SSDI is pending. I have been speaking to my employer about options, unfortunately I don't think I will be able to work enough to keep my benefits so will have to COBRA. They have been very kind to me, working with me on this. Thinking about taking a new contract that will enable me to work just as needed, which keeps enough flexibility in place for my ever-changing situation. However, the little amount of work I may be doing can potentially put my LTD in jeopardy, something I desperately need if I'm not working full time. (I am the bread winner) Returning to work is essentially for my emotional peace, I worked very hard to have my career and the thought of not doing it really hurts. My entire life has been spent on this essentially. It is my identity. However, with the burden of hoops I'll have to jump through with LTD, the likelihood of needing to go back on treatment looming as well as overall poor prognosis, it may not make much sense for me to even attempt a return to work. I have been pressing my Onc for some guidance, but unfortunately, he can't tell me what to do as he can't predict the future. I know this but I'm quite literally stuck and at this point just want someone to tell me what to do. My head is spinning. Just as I think I've found a solution, something else happens and I'm back again in a conflicted position.

Is holding onto something that 's emotionally meaningful but really not practical flawed thinking? How do I ever get to the point of feeling okay with letting go of something that's been the cornerstone of my very existence? A position cancer is forcing me into. Or am I just being dramatic, work really isn't everything.

I realize no one on here can answer this question for me either, I'm just hoping for some new perspective or other ideas that might help me find clarity.

Thanks!

Forherself

Cancer. Reading your letter I couldn't help but think of the origin of the word. It is the Greek word for crab. Because of many fingers. Those fingers can reach into every area of our being when we hear the word applied personally. Decisions we never imagined now have to be made. Our thinking aligns with new priorities. It sounds like that is now your difficulty. Sometimes it helps to make a list pro and con. Make columns on a piece of paper. Include new and old priorities. For each decision you have to make. You are right no one can tell you the right decision. There is no right and wrong decision. I hope this helps. 

Sue

Fridays Child

skye74, you have laid out your dilemma very clearly. Is it possible to consult with your disability policies and determine just how much you would be able to work without losing benefits, and then arrange with your very cooperative company not to exceed that?

Sometimes we have to reconsider what is important to us, and our choices might not make sense to someone else, but they're our choices. I hope you're able to get at least some of what you want to be able to do!

MoeKay

Hi skye74,

If you haven't already done so, I would suggest that you may want to reach out to an experienced attorney who specializes in LTD benefits and SSDI. He or she can thoroughly review your policies and may be able to provide you with options for a path forward that would be acceptable to you.

Good luck and good health!

cmb

Others before me have provided some good suggestions. I only wanted to add that if you should decide to step away from work for the time being, it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your career forever.

I left the work that I did for the majority of my career twice. The first time was to try a different job in a related field at another company which didn’t require the extensive travel I had to do otherwise. It also helped me to leave behind an uncomfortable work relationship with my immediate supervisor.

A few years later I was approached by my original company with a new offer and, since the former supervisor was gone, I was able to return and do the work I preferred once again. Some years later I also went back to school for a graduate degree and worked only part-time for that year with the support of my company. So even these two periods didn’t lead to a long-lasting break from the work I liked and did the best at.

And a good friend of mine established herself in the sales field during her 30s and has continued to find good jobs in this area until now (by choice) – and she’s in her mid-70s!

The decisions you face won’t be easy. I hope you can move forward with the choice(s) that meets your immediate needs while leaving the future possibly open for a different path.