help!! my family thinks I'm supposed to be the same girl I was before my cancer removal surgery!!!
Good morning. THIS IS A PLEA FOR HELP! I AM COMPLETELY SUICIDAL RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF MY OWN FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!
With tears in my eyes, wondering why I survived only to feel such hatred from my family. I NEED HELP FOR THE SAKE OF MY SON!!
Let me begin this by telling you all that my mom has depended on me since we moved from Mexico to the US because she found out my father was married and had another child with his wife after she gave birth to her 3rd son.
I am her only daughter, firstborn, and look just like my father.
My siblings look like mom and her side of the family.
In 1992, my mother decided to move us to the US. Since the age of 13, I worked to help her keep up with the bills. I looked older because I was fully developed from the chest. So I was able to get jobs and her sons couldn't. when I graduated high school, I wasn't a legal citizen yet, therefore I didn't qualify for financial aid. But since my mother told me I was already approved, I signed up for community college immediately after I graduated at the age of 16.
I was notified by the college that I didn't qualify for financial aid due to my legal status and now owe 1000 dollars. To this day, over 20 years later, her excuse is simply that she didn't know. I mention this for a reason.
After a failed marriage due to me getting pregnant, I was able to work for several different companies that allowed me to not only help her pay her bills but also pay for my own,
In 2008, right before I turned 30, I had major surgery. My left ovary was removed because it was the size of a mini football. The moment I woke up from the surgery, I was immediately told by medical personnel, that the surgery went well but then quickly said "BUT IT WAS CANCER" and they walked away!! I was still groggy from the anesthesia. Once I was fully awake, I requested a full explanation to confirm what I thought I dreamt.
My mother, who still thinks if it was done in Mexico, it should be the same in America, believed was fine just because she asked a doctor after the surgery. She believed they were supposed to tell her just because she gave birth to me. But my doctors simply replied, "surgery went well".
So for the last 12 plus years, she has treated me like my ovary was removed. Never believed I had cancer after the million times I told her. And then she proceeded to say that our family didn't have a history of cancer.
Many years later, we argued over my quitting my job due to the pandemic after my 6 doctors warned me I wouldn't survive the disease. And he continued to deny cancer in our family and told me that she **** hated me since 2008 for being lazy.
in 2019, I suffered a minor stroke. The doctors who treated me finally told her of my cancer diagnosis. And when I came home after a 5 day of hospital stay, she very nonchalantly claimed that she remembered my grandmother hurting immensely when her oldest sister died of leukemia. And I quote "that's cancer in the blood". SHE SAID THIS TO ME AFTER TELLING ME FOR 12 YRS THAT OUR FAMILY DIDN'T HAVE CANCER IN THE FAMILY HISTORY SO THE DOCTORS EITHER LIED OR MADE A **** MISTAKE IN MY DIAGNOSIS, BUT IT WAS NOT CANCER!!! MY OVARY WAS ALMOST 14 CM IN CIRCUMFERENCE WHEN IT WAS REMOVED!!!
2022, today, this lady has told me she hates me and treats me like she found me in a **** garbage can when I was a baby. And lets her sons treat me like a **** maid.
As much hate as they've shown me, I cannot hate them. I am not a spiteful person, but lately, I have felt like I might need to show a little more backbone.
I don't want to hate them, but I can no longer help it. They have treated me like a pumice stone. 1 brother literally told me to just GET OVER IT! Like it's a simple scab that will eventually fall off my sin in the shower.
I have no friends or family on my corner anymore, except for my son. And the pain I feel from their complete disregard to my cancer diagnosis has made me lean toward drugs as an escape. I can honestly say I have cried every single **** day since July 1st, 2008. The day everyone pretended to give a **** bout me because I was going into surgery. But when I woke, NOBODY GAVE A **** ABOUT ME OR MY SON.
I know this was a long read, but if you've made it this far, please help me?? I DO NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF AFTER 12 YEARS OF DEALING WITH THIS BULLSHIT!! AND I'M AT THE EDGE OF A **** CLIFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEEDHEEEELPPPP!??? FOR MY ONLY SON!!
HER EXCUSE FOR TELLING ME THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE CANCER IN OUR FAMILY AND THEREFORE I COULDN'T HAVE HAD CANCER, AND MY DOCTORS LIED TO ME AFTER MY SURGERY? "SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T **** KNOW LEUKEMIA WAS CANCER?"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE **** AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL RIGHT NOW??????????? IM READY TO KILL MYSELF. I FEEL TOO MUCH PAIN!0
My boobs are a 38DD. If I get breast cancer, wtf am I gonna do after what I just went through in 2008???????????0
CSNSupportTeam admin Posts: 170
The CSN Support Team members are so sorry to hear you are coping with so many issues related to your family and your cancer. We will contact you directly with some suggestions for support and counseling. Take care of yourself. You will find a lot of emotional support and encouragement from your fellow CSN members--thank you for joining our community.
CSN Support Team3
No, no and NO.....your son needs you....see what they are doing to YOU.....they will abadon your SON.....
You can not abandon your son.
I do not know your living siutation....If you live with your Mother....you need to starting planning HOW to get away from her.
If you do not live with your Mother....I hope that you will cut all ties with this woman & your brothers
Your son cares about you, and now I CARE ABOUT YOU.
I've had a very sH*T life as well....thought about what you are thinking about...then they win.......
I want you to WIN.2
Ive always lived with her because she would fall apart without me lol I tried to stay away from her when I divorced my ex-husband. But she reached out to me for help when she found out both my brothers were gang members lol even tried to blame for that after I was fully divorced. Said it was my duty to make sure they didn't get involved in gangs and it was my fault they did because my ex-husband was lol I now know I am not her son's keeper.0
I promise you my son is the reason im still breathing after 12 years. THANK YOU SOOO KINDLY FOR YOUR WORDS. YOU HAVE SAVED A LOST SOUL TODAY. YOU'RE AN ANGEL IN MY BOOK.0
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR KIND WORDS. I WILL BE FOREVER GRATERFUL.0
I have had those moments, too. I am a long term survivor, and I had HUGE issues with my in-laws, but those are resolved. My Parents are what I wanna share with you about.
After cancer, I reevaluated my life, how I treat !yself, view myself, etc. I found that my parents were taking advantage of my kindness and having double standards, but what's more, I saw patterns of them not putting efforts into our relationship, and my trying so hard, getting my calls or texts ignored, then asking to please let's try,but being especially careful not to be annoying about it, or harass them into noting to call me back EVEN MORE..now, these are my parents, for pity sake! I deserve a birthday card, a CAKE, maybe??? I mean birthdays are supposed to be a big deal if you're, like, a survivor of CANCER, butno, I have literally mentioned it, said how hurt it makes me feel that only my husband cares about my life, but I digress...the problem was, I needed to step away. They are who they are, and i have already mentioned my sadness over the issues in a respectable way, but nothing happened. So I did step away. I literally moved out of state. I did it for my husband and daughter, and myself. I did not move to escape from them, we just took a chance we never would have, if I was still stuck in that trying to please the un-pleasable, but I was in. I started thinking about what would make me happy, and give me purpose, so we sold our house in NY, and are building a farm in Virginia.
I want you to know that you are not alone, there's hope, it just takes a long time, when you are deeply hurt, to pull yourself up, and start depending on yourself for your own happiness, and it takes a long time to learn to be selfish if you have to be, for self preservation.
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