Need some guidance

Candi674

Hello I am new to this board. I have been looking for support groups in my city but due to covid they are limited or non operational at this time. A nurse referred me to ACS. My boyfriend was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. He told me they had caught it at early stages this was in January when he went in to the hospital to fix a stent procedure that went wrong the first time. His blood work did not go well last week and he just told me the doctor is stopping the medications and starting chemo. He has pushed me away and all I want is to be there for him. I have no idea what to say to him, what not to say, how to approach him and I can't even start to pretend that I know what he's going through because I don't. I just miss him .

Wadsdan777

Hi Candi,

Sorry for what you are going through, im a patient myself - so from that perspective maybe I can help a bit so you understand what may be going on in his head/heart.

It's possible he wants to/is trying to "protect" you from the perceived or actual bad news - I really cant say, but perhaps they wanted to start chemo to prevent any spread or address something specific that they may ( or may not) have seen in subsequent scans ( Has he had a CT/PET or MRI do you know ? )

I initially when I was first diagnosed ( Dec 2019 ) had a similar reaction in that I didnt want my wife to worry or stress out about things, and it took my some time to get her fully involved - im definatley glad I did as its been very good for both of us. I imagine your bf will get there too, he may be processing or trying to figure things out.

If you communicate basically what you posted above to him, that you are there for him and want to support him and be with him - i think that will be good for him to hear & feel.

All the best

Dan

SandiaBuddy

Cancer brings home the reality of mortality. Men can be weird in how they deal with these issues. Sometimes not talking about the issue and just being there is what they want. Sometimes a distraction (weekend trip, etc.) is helpful. You have not mentioned your ages, the duration of the relationship or your living situation, so these are just guesses. But, like Dan mentioned, maybe you should just ask him.

StonedCamaro

Give him some time. I would continue to communicate your love and willingness to see it through. But ultimately he has to be the one that opens the door. Tell him to get on here. These boards and people do help!

Prayers and thoughts to you both!