New here

EmberTetra

It started out with a routine screening for lung cancer since I'm a long time smoker and was feeling a lot of fatigue. They decided to do a CT/PET scan and it turned out my left ovary was highly suspicious. Ultrasound shows an enlarged ovary with a 6x6x5 cm solid tumor surrounded by a larger fluid sac. It's highly likely to be cancer due to my age (61), being postmenopausal, and fatigue which is getting worse. Now I'm also feeling swelling and back pain. I just know that I'm basically doomed and it's my own fault, really.

My gyn is sending me to a gyn oncologist, but has basically said that the only way to definitively diagnose cancer is to remove the tumor...at my age that means complete hysterectomy. I don't think I will go through chemotherapy after that. But I could see this tumor causing an excruciatingly painful blockage if it's not removed. I don't have a support system around me and I live alone. I can't see spending my meager life savings to cure cancer and then what...live in near poverty after that? I have suffered from depression almost my whole life and don't really love life to begin with. I'm getting approval for some therapy that will maybe help me make up my mind, but it seems like even with good insurance, when I add everything up my savings will be gone in months. And there's still a worry about lung cancer. I just don't want to go through all this.

Poppys

Hi EmberTetra,

Im new here also and wanted to say hello.

Your situation sounds scary, but not hopeless. Please remember we are people, not statistics. When I was diagnosed OC 3c 2.5 years ago I was a basket case. My onc put me on antidepressants at my 1st appointment. What a first impression!

I don’t know about you, but this journey we’re on is really what we will make it to be: some of us are fighters, some of us are content with letting go, some of us let God lead us, some of us are furious. Take your pick and pick as many as you’d like.

I turned 50 on Tuesday and hate the idea of being 50. But again, it’s just a number. It’s not a reflection of our future or our strength (inner, that is, ha!)

So I guess my wish for you and for everyone I may meet on this board, is that you have both of what I mentioned previously, future and strength. ❤️

itishforever

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1693201#Comment_1693201

i am Also 61 and just had all of my insides scoped out in July, I did six rounds of chemo, and now I am on a maintenance drug, I do take an anti-depressant anyway which does help and lots of walking please consider the chemo!

MCavelli

Hi all. New here as well. 72. Stage 3c. Just finished 3rd cycle of chemo and had to pause treatment. Not recovering sufficiently from debilitating fatigue. Turns out my blood glucose has dipped. Treatment has also been complicated by severe allergic reactions to the taxol. waiting to hear about options for next steps — scans, surgery, or different chemo regimen. The waiting and uncertainty always seem to be the hardest. My imagination, which is not always kind, has a tendency to run wild (with negativity).

My debilitating fatigue from chemo has been made worse by a notably harsh winter (lots of subzero) that precludes much outdoor time, and by Covid-necessitated isolation

No antidepressants (yet)

I too live alone and have actually been surprised by support that I never expected to find. But my biggest sense of isolation comes from well-meaning friends who just can’t hear me out when I need to express how hard some of this gets. And I have to be careful not to overburden the one or two who can — as they have challenges and personal demands of their own. So it can get lonely, especially when scared by new developments or results. I was hoping this bulletin might fill the gaps left by my personal network.

reading others’ posts here lends me some hope that this is actually survivable! I have a wait and see attitude for the most part.

I particularly appreciated Poppy’s observations above — struck me as very perceptive and solid.

it’s all an amazing emotional (as well as physical) challenge. I suspect that darker moments, and even days, are inescapable for those of us conscripted to be on this path.

I’m just looking for a safe and supportive space where I might give occasional voice to those darker moments without scaring or overburdening others. I find that verbalizing my concerns greatly helps to diminish their hold on me.