I am lost

sushimum

Hi. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer 2 weeks ago, and am scheduled for a total thyroidectomy on Monday 1/24. They did a scan of my lymph nodes and my surgeon called me and said he needs me to go into the office to meet with him re the results. My anxiety i so high and I am so frightened. My mom is currently terminal and my oldest son also has cancer. It is all so overwhelming. I do not know what to do, literally, I am lost. It's like it isn't really happening, or it is, but in slow motion. I go back and forth. LIke it isn't real and it is, just all in slomo. I live in central nj and was trying to find online or in person support groups and had no luck. I want in person but bc of covid I am concerned. I do not want to be sick, I do not want to die, I do not want to accept this. ps My late husband died of cancer at 30, and i have ptsd directly related to anything to do w cancer. I am a behavioral health patient, and I am scared that I am going to lose it. I have been through so much in my life, terrible things. And I am still here. I am usually very brave but right now I feel brave with a side of insecurity, fear, shock, dispair, sadness, confusion, and yes, gratitude it isn't worse and acceptance.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom to help me? I cannot tell you just how much I would appreciate it and enjoy meeting other people here. Thank you and have a beautiful day.

Jamie😊

JawsLAS

Hi! You should probably seek out a therapist given your PTSD, but I had to reply to you cuz I get it. My mom passed of breast cancer, but she also had lymphoma. My sister had breast cancer at 28. Cancer is just a dirty word in my family.

I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer a couple of months ago. My surgery is February 9, then radiation.

I just wanted to tell you that you will get through this. Strength comes through grief.

Good luck 💜

vivgrl

You are not alone. I think you have shown great strength and resilience dealing with all the illnesses affecting the people you love most. One can be very brave and fearful at the same time. It makes sense. I don't know if I have any wisdom to share but I can tell you that, at least for me, enjoying simple daily pleasures, paying attention to beauty in nature, and loving those with whom you are closest are the antidote to dealing with cancer and the anxiety, fear, and sadness it brings. Again, you are not alone.

sushimum

You are so kind, thank you for your sweet words and thoughts.

sushimum

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1692666#Comment_1692666

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1692599#Comment_1692599

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1692599#Comment_1692599

HI, oh my God, I am so sorry for all that you are going through. You are so strong, I know you have got this! Re my ptsd I do go to therapy, but lately I have had a tough time talking about this stuff and talking about other things instead. I am just so freaked out. My mom is also terminal right now with multiple myeloma. I am 54 but when it comes to her, it is like i am a child again looking at her like, how is this happening to her? My husband also died of Hodgkins. You are right, cancer is a dirty word here, too. You hang in there - you have got this!!!!!!!!!

lindcar58

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/324651/i-am-lost

Had my surgery in December. Went on the thyroid meds and I am feeling better than I had in a long time. I'm new to the network but I'm hoping you are doing well. It makes sense that you are overwhelmed. I've had 3 cancer diagnosis's in the past 2 years and I am the caregiver for my 87 year old father. I keep reminding myself to take a deep breath and just do what I can right now. When I get overly anxious I start remining myself of the things I am grateful for. Wishing you hope and wellness. Linda