Just a daughters fear

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Tueffel
Tueffel Member Posts: 327 Member

Hello guys,

 

I guess I just hve one of these days. You start to worry and then I do research on pubmed and worry more. Btw I found an interesting table with characteristics of different KRAS mutations. 

So yeah I overgoogled things especially the KRAS mutation my dad has. I just wanted to find something positive on this, something encouraging but I did not even find a clinical trial in Europe. I just feel not ready to loosemy dad and we know it happens. We dont know when but I am just thinking that he now had 2times FOLFIRI, the next thought is "what do we do, when it stops working?" Then I think of my mom who is now taking care for him cause he just got home from chemo. My mom has hypertension, diabetes in her family. When she is worried, she cant sleep, eats chocolate and her blood pressure rises. Would it be so hard for god to give me and my sister at least one healthy parent? My grandparents are above 80 and I am lucky but I am just worried. I hate to read about my dads mutation which has an overalk survival of 30 months and we have 15 over. 

I should not wirry so much about the future, others have it way worse and I include you in my prayers and hope for the best!

Tueffel

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  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    Worse or better

    Others have it worse, some better, but when you are the one worrying, that is all that matters in the moment. Now, if you were to be on a downward spiral of worry, that would be different, but it is normal to worry and have times of dispair. 

    It doesn't matter how old your dad is, or your mum, you will never be ready to lose them.  It's going to hurt, regardless. 

    But you are right; too much googling is not good for the spirit. 

    You are all in my thoughts and I send good wishes your way. 

    Tru

     

  • worriedson714
    worriedson714 Member Posts: 333 Member
    edited May 2021 #3
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    I struggled to write this

    Cause I wish there was some magic words I can write to give you the hope you deserve . But I simply don't know what to say cause your posts affect me more then anyone else's on this board . Just remember there is always hope it's never gone just sometimes it's harder to find . Tomorrow could be the day the doctors figure out a way to give you more time with your dad . If nothing else there is hope for that and I will be hoping for that for you as well as praying for you and your dad and mom . 

  • Tueffel
    Tueffel Member Posts: 327 Member
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    Trubrit said:

    Worse or better

    Others have it worse, some better, but when you are the one worrying, that is all that matters in the moment. Now, if you were to be on a downward spiral of worry, that would be different, but it is normal to worry and have times of dispair. 

    It doesn't matter how old your dad is, or your mum, you will never be ready to lose them.  It's going to hurt, regardless. 

    But you are right; too much googling is not good for the spirit. 

    You are all in my thoughts and I send good wishes your way. 

    Tru

     

    I just have

    I just have one of these times when I am just scared, angry, anxious. God,  I should be grateful to have such a beautiful family which makes itnow just harder. I am already lucky. There are several people I went to Highschool with who already lost one of their parents during this time. Others are 18 and the mom died due to covid but like my dad says "its s**t". 

    Thank you for your words! I dont feel so bad anymore about complaining, realizing its normal to be scared. Thank you, Tru!

    Tueffel

  • Tueffel
    Tueffel Member Posts: 327 Member
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    I struggled to write this

    Cause I wish there was some magic words I can write to give you the hope you deserve . But I simply don't know what to say cause your posts affect me more then anyone else's on this board . Just remember there is always hope it's never gone just sometimes it's harder to find . Tomorrow could be the day the doctors figure out a way to give you more time with your dad . If nothing else there is hope for that and I will be hoping for that for you as well as praying for you and your dad and mom . 

    I do feel the same

    I do feel the same when I read you posts. It is always different when a son/daughter asks for help. We are then differently attached to it. But then nobody understand better than you do when our parent is sick.

    Thank you for your words! I do hope a lot so hopefully it wont be for nothing. 

    Tueffel

  • MandiePandie
    MandiePandie Member Posts: 109 Member
    edited June 2021 #6
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    Same

    Going down the research rabbit hole is something I do far too often, sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesnt. I know you know how that feels. 

    I hope there are brighter days to come for you and your family. 

  • Tueffel
    Tueffel Member Posts: 327 Member
    edited June 2021 #7
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    Same

    Going down the research rabbit hole is something I do far too often, sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesnt. I know you know how that feels. 

    I hope there are brighter days to come for you and your family. 

    Children

    You know your posts and worriedsons always touch me in a different way. We are just the children of our father who is battling the cancer. It is always more complicated to distance yourself from it. I feel sorry for the others too but to you I can relate.

    The rabbit hole gives me most of the time 20 bad studies and then I find a good one. Yesterday I got a mail from an oncologist who said that they have a similar case, it is the immunosuppressants my dad had, that makes it so more complicated. Believe it is nice that even others say that they wont do anything different now, maybe earlier different drugs, but it is always poor prognosis. Hate that word.

    Atm I am just grateful that Papa has appetite, eats well, feels good.