Caught cancer early

jimen

Hi -- First time here. Caught my cancer very early and had successful resection and doctor said I was cured. No chemo, radiation. In my second month of recovery but struggling with some depression and anxiety. At 75, I somehow think my life will never be as good. But why can't I be thankful and optimistic about all my good fortune? I somehow feel guilt that my story is so much better than most of the stories connected with this disease. Any helpful thoughts to life me up.

Deathorglory

Hello

Hello Jimen,

Feeling guilt over your good fortune when others are not as lucky is fairly natural.  My 1st time with esophageal cancer was stage III and had a 15% survival rate.  I beat that and felt fortunate.  My 2nd time with EC was stage IV and was supposed to be terminal.  I got the whole speech about how it could be a few months longer, could be a few months less, but figure on 7-8 months.  I was told to get my affairs in order sooner rather than later.  That was in 2011.  I realize how fortunate I am to have beaten that recurrence.  The 3rd time with EC was also stage IV, my wife asked the surgeon for a prognosis for me and he just told her that he didn't want to get into predicting things for me because I was clearly an outlier.  I realize that I have been ridiculously lucky to have beaten this stuff three times and that in reality, there's no good explanation for why I am still alive.  I'm grateful, though and appreciate the time I've been given.  I try to give back a little bit on this site by encouraging folks who aren't as far along their journey as I am.  Maybe you could try to do that to reduce your feelings of guilt.  

Glad to hear another person is doing well.  Best Wishes,

Ed

jimen

Deathorglory said:

Hello

Hello Jimen,

Feeling guilt over your good fortune when others are not as lucky is fairly natural.  My 1st time with esophageal cancer was stage III and had a 15% survival rate.  I beat that and felt fortunate.  My 2nd time with EC was stage IV and was supposed to be terminal.  I got the whole speech about how it could be a few months longer, could be a few months less, but figure on 7-8 months.  I was told to get my affairs in order sooner rather than later.  That was in 2011.  I realize how fortunate I am to have beaten that recurrence.  The 3rd time with EC was also stage IV, my wife asked the surgeon for a prognosis for me and he just told her that he didn't want to get into predicting things for me because I was clearly an outlier.  I realize that I have been ridiculously lucky to have beaten this stuff three times and that in reality, there's no good explanation for why I am still alive.  I'm grateful, though and appreciate the time I've been given.  I try to give back a little bit on this site by encouraging folks who aren't as far along their journey as I am.  Maybe you could try to do that to reduce your feelings of guilt.  

Glad to hear another person is doing well.  Best Wishes,

Ed

Ed -- You are so fortunate. I

Ed -- You are so fortunate. I can't believe how you've hung in there. What's your secret. You seem like a real survivor. And here I am a one-and-done guy with a clean bill of health (cured because it was so early it was just a lesion and hadn't spread) yet I'm depressed and anxious and can't seem to find my way back to a good state of mind. You know, the old Jim. Sometimes I feel like my life is over and what's the use because I think I'll never get back what I had -- lots of golf, biking, just enjoying a great retirement. I wish I could be an inspiration to others who really need it but I just feel vulnerable and unsteady. Tell me it will get better!! Any other thoughts.

Jim

 

Deathorglory

It gets better

Jim,

The time immediately after the surgery is tough.  Folks obviously notice the ways their life is different and aren't super happy.  But most of the side effects lessen with time.  What I've seen around here is that it takes about a year for folks to get themselves straight again and back to living their life the way they want.  The stuff that lingers a long time is that I still need to sleep in an elevated position to fight off reflux at night.  Also, you'll likely need to eat many small meals instead of just a few big ones.  But the other stuff gets better.

The one thing I always say is that nothing is perfect, but I'm here to complain about it, so I'm winning.  For me, that attitude has gotten me through some less than ideal times.  

You'll get better, and one way or another, it beats the alternative.

Ed

jimen

Ed -- Thanks for your

Ed -- Thanks for your thoughts. You seem like a real good guy 

 

im

jimen

After 7 weeks of  successful

After 7 weeks of  successful EC surgery on stage 1 lesion, surgeon said he got it all and am cured, no chemo or raditon, I am still on the feeding tube. Cam't seem to eat enough to get off it. Scared crazy that I'll never be able to get off it. Causing me way too much anxiety and depression which is the pits. Am I epecting too much. Am in therapy (qualified person) but it is't helping. Can anyone offer me some encouragement.

jimen

jimen said:

Ed -- Thanks for your

Ed -- Thanks for your thoughts. You seem like a real good guy 

 

im

Hey Ed -- What about physical

Hey Ed -- What about physical fitness. I used to play lots of golf and bike. Anychance that will come back?

Jim

Deathorglory

jimen said:

Hey Ed -- What about physical

Hey Ed -- What about physical fitness. I used to play lots of golf and bike. Anychance that will come back?

Jim

Hey Jim

Hey Jim,

Folks generally say that it takes about a year until they feel like they're fit again.  I took a bit less than a year after the surgery to regain my stregnth/stamina.  But I was 41 and in fairly decent shape to begin with.  

Hope that's useful,

Ed

jimen

Deathorglory said:

Hey Jim

Hey Jim,

Folks generally say that it takes about a year until they feel like they're fit again.  I took a bit less than a year after the surgery to regain my stregnth/stamina.  But I was 41 and in fairly decent shape to begin with.  

Hope that's useful,

Ed

Thanks for the reply. Gees, I

Thanks for the reply. Gees, I'm 75 but "was" in pretty goood shape for my age or the surgeon, I don't think, would have taken me on. I really am scared about getting enough back to maybe bike and play some half-**** golf. Thanks for the response.

 

Just a throw in. I just can't seem to shake this anxiety that comes from somewhere. It just eats me up. And of course, some depression is his buddy. Any thoughts? With all my good fortune (Caught early --cured -- no radiation and chemo, recovering well physically and have a good chance at a remaining life span) but rarely can unwind all day and of course most nights are the pits. Was the opposite of all this before the big surgery -- had a great life, no anxiety or depression although I have dealt with it in the past. But and now it's all changed!! Any more thoughts? I'm getting desperate

Jim

 

Jim

sideways

Hey Jim, like others have mentioned it takes some time to get back to even semi-normal. Having the surgery at 75 has to be tough, and I'm fortunate mine was caught in my late 40's. I'm coming up on 10 years post surgery in August. For me things have gotten better over time. Now, as far as the anxiety and depression, I can relate. Whether the cause was my EC or other I'm not sure. I retired last may and immediately started taking CBD for my anxiety. I would say it is effective in putting a big dent in my symptoms. I really notice the difference if I miss a day or two. I take gelcaps, started with 30mg a day but have settled on 50mg once a day now. The docs had me on all kinds of other stuff like Lexipro, but those drugs have the kind of side effects for me that will even depress me more.

Anyways... everyone's different, just thought I'd share what seems to be working for me.