I just lost my mom

Jessalaska

Hello my name is Jessica and I just lost my mom to cancer. She was 59. They finally found a tumor in her lungs and she was gone 4 days later. I am an only child and my mother was single. I am so lost right now and have never felt more alone. I feel so defeated because we were trying for months to figure out what was happening and didn't even find out what type of cancer she had before she passed. My head is spinning and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I have seen death before and also see how people come together and build a support system. While I have people in my life my mom did not so now that she is gone I feel like I'm the only who cares and I'm overwhelmed with my grief that I have no one to share with. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for or need but I just know that I am lost

LunaLady

I am so sorry for your loss

Jessa I am so sorry for your loss.  I cannot even imagine how you feel.  I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better.  Unfortunately, it will take time.  Please don't give up.  When my first husband died, I was lost.  I found a support group and it made a world of difference.  He did not pass from cancer but the loss was still intense.  Finding someone in your area that has had similar experiences can make a difference.  They will have a better understanding of what you are going through.  I know there are resources on this site, as well as an onocology center should be able to help you find a support group or a counselor that works with cancer survivors.  Even though you didn't have the cancer, you are a cancer survivor!  

I am not on here very often but will respond if you message me.  If you need someone to talk to....

BluTlee

Jessica I'm so sorry to hear about your mother and I hope you found some type of support group that can help you get through all of this it must be truly overwhelming and difficult my heart goes out to you. I found your post while searching for a support group for my wife that can help and listen and provide guidance for us. Her mother passed in July of 2017 she had been diagnosed with terminal stage IV lung cancer in the summer of 2016. Me and my wife live in AR but my wife is from LA and that's where her mother lived. She was the kindest woman and my wife is an only child and when she was told the news by her mom on the phone she was headed to LA the next day and stayed there with her mother until her passing a year later. Her mother was such a strong willed person and insisted on helping everyone but had a hard time receiving help or assistance because she was such a fighter and a natural leader. Someone people came to for advice or help or anything at all. She fought hard for a year but by the time she passed she was so fragile and weak that she didn't have much time left. Her final days my wife was by her side non stop and mentally emotionally and physically exhausted. She was given instruction by the hospice nurse at that time to give her mother some pills to take and she immediately questioned the instructions to herself but because she didn't want to disobey the nurses orders and loved her mother dearly along with overwhelming exhaustion and sadness and worry she followed the nurses orders and gave her the pills and her mother choked ok them accidentally and my wife witnessed the most horrible thing I can fathom a child having to watch. Right before her eyes she passed away. I have never lost a loved one. I have 3 siblings and both my parents still. My wife on the other hand is an only child her father died in a tragic accident at work while operating a crane when she was only 15 yrs old. And then her mother 4 years ago when she was 38. I have trouble relating and my wife whom I love dearly is having trouble with this to date and I blame myself for not giving her the support she desperately needed and still needs. Idk where to begin so I chose to start here. My wife blames herself and has done so all these years and she truly believes she is to blame. But she is not to blame because as I mentioned her mother was not going to be around much longer at all. I mean she would have passed away from any number of things in the following days she was so weak and unable to do anything . Even swallow pills. It's not her fault it's not my wife's fault it's not the nurses fault. No one is to blame. Everyone dies and it's horrible to think about. It was just her time if it hadn't been that day it would have been not far from it I'm fairly sure. What can I do who can I seek out to help us. I would like to find a group or counselor and that can hear her/us out and relate to what she's going though to provide her the comfort of letting go so she can get through this long grieving period and live her own life again. It's affecting not only her mental health but her physical health as well. She's developed am autoimmune disorder almost immediately after her mother passed and has progressively gotten worse and I'm worri d and she is scared. I believe it could be partially due to her emotionally and mental sorrow and self blame she's experiencing but I'm no expert. I just love and cherish her dearly and desperately need to help her through this. Any advice would be greatly and forever appreciated.

PamelaHB12

https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/323244/i-just-lost-my-mom

I wish I were there for you more than just a post. I’m a single mom with a 17 year old daughter who is doing her best to grow up, and deal with having a mom with lung cancer. My heart goes out to you but I do think you should look into the local medical centers for support groups and it never hurts to speak with a therapist . My suggestion, consult with someone, like the hospital social worker to find a therapist that specializes. I was working with a young woman who as sweet as she was could not really help me as much as the SW at the hospital did in just the first meeting. Please keep posting and let us know how you are!! Sending you love and good feelings,,, pam