No Sex- Wives how do you cope with it?

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My husband received radiation, breaky therapy, and hormone treatment (Lupron) over 6 years ago.  He went through all those treatments in 1 year and it seemed that the treatments had no effect on him at the beginning. Unfortunately, after two years he started gaining weight, having hot flashes, diabetes, excessive urination during the night, and at times got very moody. Obviously, the first year we were in shock and we just went to the doctor and followed all the instructions and got all the treatments they reconmended.  Anyway, 6 years later he is cancer free but has ED and no sex drive at all.  We have not been intimate all this time.  Viagra doesn't work and I certainly don't want him to get those penis injections...it sounds awful.  I'm much younger than my husband and I miss having that physical closeness with him.  It has been hard to deal with the loss of our sexual intimacy.  So, I ask you wives out there how do you cope with this?

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  • scoop317
    scoop317 Member Posts: 6
    edited December 2020 #2
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    Penis injections

    I had prostate surgery removal"robotic"I used the injections and my wife loves it. Try it you'll like it, injections not panful either. thank me later

  • VascodaGama
    VascodaGama Member Posts: 3,692 Member
    edited December 2020 #3
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    Try doing it gently

    There are several means to overcome ED and get aroused but both of you need to adapt to the new ways in getting it done.  Natural means may have gone forever  particularly if one of you is old enough to lose interest. Low libido is thought to occur when we are depressed or due to the lack of sex hormones. Your inquiry is addressed to wives of PCa survivors but you need to think that your over expressed willingness could be causing the problem. Your maners could create depression in your older husband as he feels now being handicapped in the sex-game for what he lost 6 years ago.

    Injections may help but they may be painful in some guys, turning the pleasure into a sour experience. Low testosterone in men (hypogonadism) could be the problem too. Have you thought in consulting a sexologist?

    Try doing it gently. 

    Best 

    VG

  • Old Salt
    Old Salt Member Posts: 1,419 Member
    edited January 2021 #4
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    Mind and Body

    1. It has already been stated, but 'sex' requires an interaction between mind and body. If the mind is not cooperating, ED may wll result.

    2. Also, there are drugs other than Viagra (like Cialis) that your husband can try. I also recommend regular exercise to get your husband in a better mood for 'you know what'

  • Birdlover n Treehugger
    Birdlover n Treehugger Member Posts: 8
    edited January 2021 #5
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    scoop317 said:

    Penis injections

    I had prostate surgery removal"robotic"I used the injections and my wife loves it. Try it you'll like it, injections not panful either. thank me later

    Thank you for sharing. Can I

    Thank you for sharing. Can I ask how do you feel about the injections. They just sound awful and I don't want him to be in pain.  He has suffered enough. May I ask how do you feel about it.. Are you sure they don't hurt?

     

  • Birdlover n Treehugger
    Birdlover n Treehugger Member Posts: 8
    edited January 2021 #6
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    Try doing it gently

    There are several means to overcome ED and get aroused but both of you need to adapt to the new ways in getting it done.  Natural means may have gone forever  particularly if one of you is old enough to lose interest. Low libido is thought to occur when we are depressed or due to the lack of sex hormones. Your inquiry is addressed to wives of PCa survivors but you need to think that your over expressed willingness could be causing the problem. Your maners could create depression in your older husband as he feels now being handicapped in the sex-game for what he lost 6 years ago.

    Injections may help but they may be painful in some guys, turning the pleasure into a sour experience. Low testosterone in men (hypogonadism) could be the problem too. Have you thought in consulting a sexologist?

    Try doing it gently. 

    Best 

    VG

    Thank you VG.  I see your

    Thank you VG.  I see your point. We have not talked to a sexologist.  He is a very private person and doesn't believe in therapy.  I would like to talk to a therapist but is hard to find a good one and even harder to get him to go with me.  

  • Birdlover n Treehugger
    Birdlover n Treehugger Member Posts: 8
    edited January 2021 #7
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    Old Salt said:

    Mind and Body

    1. It has already been stated, but 'sex' requires an interaction between mind and body. If the mind is not cooperating, ED may wll result.

    2. Also, there are drugs other than Viagra (like Cialis) that your husband can try. I also recommend regular exercise to get your husband in a better mood for 'you know what'

    Thank you OS. I like your

    Thank you OS. I like your username. We keep having conversations about this with him and he has gotten some Cialis but it doesn't work. Regular excersise? He is trying to workout a little more but his energy level is still kind of low. 

  • hewhositsoncushions
    hewhositsoncushions Member Posts: 411 Member
    edited January 2021 #8
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    Thank you VG.  I see your

    Thank you VG.  I see your point. We have not talked to a sexologist.  He is a very private person and doesn't believe in therapy.  I would like to talk to a therapist but is hard to find a good one and even harder to get him to go with me.  

    Hi Birdlover

    Hi Birdlover

    It may be hard but I suggest you keep looking. There are registers and reviews available in the US I understand. It wouldn need to be telephone of course but that does work.

    If you find one and get talking, you minght put the idea into his head that you found it useful and see if you get get him to the idea that a general chat with a therapist might be a good "mental MOT (our annual mandatory car check, not sure what the US one is!)" after his treatment much in the same way he is and has been getting medical ones. If he does, the conversation would flow where it needs to.

  • jimco236
    jimco236 Member Posts: 13 Member
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    AMS 700

    I did the injections for years. The needle stab wasn't very painful but the injected solution was painful until they found the right strength levels. The injections eventually failed to work and I went with a penis implant, in my case the AMS 700. The operation is not pleasant to say the least but I was over the worst part in a couple of days.  It does work and might rekindle his desire after a few sessions.

  • scoop317
    scoop317 Member Posts: 6
    edited January 2021 #10
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    Thank you for sharing. Can I

    Thank you for sharing. Can I ask how do you feel about the injections. They just sound awful and I don't want him to be in pain.  He has suffered enough. May I ask how do you feel about it.. Are you sure they don't hurt?

     

    penile injection

    the injection is not painful, at first use there might be very mild pain from penis stretching. but after a few uses everything is good,real good.  Had my RP prostate surgery just over a month ago now and just started back on my injection couple days ago and he"penis" works. Enjoy

  • Birdlover n Treehugger
    Birdlover n Treehugger Member Posts: 8
    edited January 2021 #11
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    scoop317 said:

    penile injection

    the injection is not painful, at first use there might be very mild pain from penis stretching. but after a few uses everything is good,real good.  Had my RP prostate surgery just over a month ago now and just started back on my injection couple days ago and he"penis" works. Enjoy

    Thank you Scoop.  It doesn't

    Thank you Scoop.  It doesn't sound too bad the way you describe it. Perhaps, I can talk to him about trying them out. 

  • Birdlover n Treehugger
    Options
    jimco236 said:

    AMS 700

    I did the injections for years. The needle stab wasn't very painful but the injected solution was painful until they found the right strength levels. The injections eventually failed to work and I went with a penis implant, in my case the AMS 700. The operation is not pleasant to say the least but I was over the worst part in a couple of days.  It does work and might rekindle his desire after a few sessions.

    Thank you Jimco, 

    Thank you Jimco, 

    Does the implant affect urination?  are there any side effects?

     

  • Deadstick
    Deadstick Member Posts: 7 Member
    edited January 2021 #13
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    Penile Implants

    Hi Birdlover,

     

    I recommend you do some on-line research about penile implants on your own.  You can Google a phrase like "Penile implants - options and side effects" to get you started.  Implants are different for each person.  There is no "one size fits all."  There is a ton of information out there, but it's usually best to speak to a urologist or surgeon you trust before making any decisions.

     

    The best to you...

  • Birdlover n Treehugger
    Birdlover n Treehugger Member Posts: 8
    edited January 2021 #14
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    Deadstick said:

    Penile Implants

    Hi Birdlover,

     

    I recommend you do some on-line research about penile implants on your own.  You can Google a phrase like "Penile implants - options and side effects" to get you started.  Implants are different for each person.  There is no "one size fits all."  There is a ton of information out there, but it's usually best to speak to a urologist or surgeon you trust before making any decisions.

     

    The best to you...

    I appreciate it. I will look

    I appreciate it. I will look in to it.