I think I'm making my dad's cancer worse got to handle my stress better

worriedson714 Member Posts: 333 Member
edited June 17 in Caregivers #1


    So my dad was diagnosed with stage 3 rectal cancer almost two years ago with a colonoscopy . The doc who did the colonoscopy told us there was no hope the tumor was to big treatment wouldn't work . I lost it I have struggled with ocd and anixety and depression and anger issues my whole life my dad was always the one there to help me threw my problems . My dad signed out of the hospital all of us expecting the worse . 

     When we went to the local cancer center they told us it could be cured with treatment and surgery and it was like I could breath again . Chemo radiation was very stressful for me my dad and my step mom alot of arguing and just the stress alot . But we got threw it my dad had his first surgery they didn't get all the cancer it was on the prostate and my dad was left with a colostomy bag . 

     He has neuropathy in his hands bad from the chemo so me and my step mom have to change it for him . Me and my step mom argued alot over how to change it . Me and my step mom have never gotten along so there was just old recentments and stress adding to it . 

      The onc sent us to U of M telling us there was for sure cancer left and they could help but U of M said there was no cancer . More stress as they made us wait 3 months as we tried to figure out how two different onc's seen two different things . 3 months u of m see's it and it's worse which of course upsets my dad he is so stressed and untrusting of u of m we change onc's again . 

       My dad has his second surgery and again they didn't get it all and he now ends up with a urostomy bag to and the stress continued to grow . My step mom at this point and my dad are arguing around the clock about she wants to see her kids from her 1st marriage . My dad feels with all his problems and risk of exposing him to covid she needs to be home to help me help him with his bags and be there for him . 

       My issues with my step mom continue to grow as she continues to stress my dad out my step mom even going so far to make fun of my dad's cancer and calling him names . Which causes me to lose my temper trying to protect my dad but in reality I just end up making things worse . Now I sit here as we wait to get my dad's biopsy test results back in two days to find out if the cancer has spread . We are all stressed more then ever and my step mom is telling me things like she needs to find a house she can afford when my dad passes away . I am trying to control my anger cause I just read stress can make cancer worse . I already feel like I have made my dad's cancer worse by arguing with my step mom so much making him have to play referee in the arguements . So does anyone have any advice on how they deal with stress ? Cause I need to figure out a way to stop making things worse so if my dad has to go back to chemo I can be there for him . 


Thank you all 



  • emily_maynard11
    emily_maynard11 Member Posts: 5 *


    First of all, I commend you for taking care of your dad. He is lucky to have a son like you. Secondly, your step mom needs to understand that she is causing undo stress, and that she is placing your dad at risk by attempting to travel places and that if she does she is foolish and uncaring. Stress does tend to make cancer work, but it is not you causing the stress, it seems to me that it is your stepmoms. I know your dad loves her, and you don’t deserve to have to do everything alone, but maybe being away from her would make things better for you both. I wish you all the luck in the world and you are all in my prayers.