I think I'm making my dad's cancer worse got to handle my stress better

worriedson714 Member Posts: 333 Member
edited November 2022 in Caregivers #1


    So my dad was diagnosed with stage 3 rectal cancer almost two years ago with a colonoscopy . The doc who did the colonoscopy told us there was no hope the tumor was to big treatment wouldn't work . I lost it I have struggled with ocd and anixety and depression and anger issues my whole life my dad was always the one there to help me threw my problems . My dad signed out of the hospital all of us expecting the worse . 

     When we went to the local cancer center they told us it could be cured with treatment and surgery and it was like I could breath again . Chemo radiation was very stressful for me my dad and my step mom alot of arguing and just the stress alot . But we got threw it my dad had his first surgery they didn't get all the cancer it was on the prostate and my dad was left with a colostomy bag . 

     He has neuropathy in his hands bad from the chemo so me and my step mom have to change it for him . Me and my step mom argued alot over how to change it . Me and my step mom have never gotten along so there was just old recentments and stress adding to it . 

      The onc sent us to U of M telling us there was for sure cancer left and they could help but U of M said there was no cancer . More stress as they made us wait 3 months as we tried to figure out how two different onc's seen two different things . 3 months u of m see's it and it's worse which of course upsets my dad he is so stressed and untrusting of u of m we change onc's again . 

       My dad has his second surgery and again they didn't get it all and he now ends up with a urostomy bag to and the stress continued to grow . My step mom at this point and my dad are arguing around the clock about she wants to see her kids from her 1st marriage . My dad feels with all his problems and risk of exposing him to covid she needs to be home to help me help him with his bags and be there for him . 

       My issues with my step mom continue to grow as she continues to stress my dad out my step mom even going so far to make fun of my dad's cancer and calling him names . Which causes me to lose my temper trying to protect my dad but in reality I just end up making things worse . Now I sit here as we wait to get my dad's biopsy test results back in two days to find out if the cancer has spread . We are all stressed more then ever and my step mom is telling me things like she needs to find a house she can afford when my dad passes away . I am trying to control my anger cause I just read stress can make cancer worse . I already feel like I have made my dad's cancer worse by arguing with my step mom so much making him have to play referee in the arguements . So does anyone have any advice on how they deal with stress ? Cause I need to figure out a way to stop making things worse so if my dad has to go back to chemo I can be there for him . 


Thank you all 



  • emily_maynard11
    emily_maynard11 Member Posts: 5 Member


    First of all, I commend you for taking care of your dad. He is lucky to have a son like you. Secondly, your step mom needs to understand that she is causing undo stress, and that she is placing your dad at risk by attempting to travel places and that if she does she is foolish and uncaring. Stress does tend to make cancer work, but it is not you causing the stress, it seems to me that it is your stepmoms. I know your dad loves her, and you don’t deserve to have to do everything alone, but maybe being away from her would make things better for you both. I wish you all the luck in the world and you are all in my prayers.

  • stagg27
    stagg27 Member Posts: 12 Member

    Try and hook up with the social worker see if you can get somebody to come in and help with your father such as changing the bags to relieve the stress with your stepmum in you and plus I think it would help your father as well also talk to the social worker you need to find a support group or even counselling because you need like a mediator between the three of you I think you’d be a good idea if you and your dad went to like the beach for a couple of days get some fresh air get recharge. you would be surprised how much that helps and gives you a fresh perspective and you’re able to face whatever comes ahead the following week. I did that with my late husband when the stress will be so unbearable we both had cancer and I was still working as a nurse with cancer patients I felt like I was dealing with cancer in death 24 seven because we knew my husband was not going to make it that we made it last 3 1/2 years and we got a lot of good times in there I made memories with the step kids with him by making like movie night. I would buy a pizza and I had everyone bring their favourite junk food. another time we had international dinner where each adult child brought a dish they could make it or they could buy it and we had to decide what kind of food it was Thai Japanese et cetera.Another time I private parts to put plants in and stuff to decorate the parts with and all they have to do is bring sees my husband loves the garden so each made a pot of flowers for him so when he was home away from the kids he would go out in his garden and water the seeds knowing which child it came from it meant a lot to him and to the kids but just make memories like that with your dad it goes long way. now to help you will help me where’s my two hour drive to work I would listen to K Love and I would pray . that helps so much and then drinking mint tea also help calm the inner me. God bless and good luck you’re not in the salon we’re always here for you🌹