My Mental Health
I had problems with bowel movements, kind of a constipation, but not really. It felt like every now and then a rock was preventing my bowel movements. I tried everything from changing my diet to drinking more water to taking diatery supplements, and nothing worked. About two months prior to my diagnosis of anal cancer, I was having serious back problems, trouble walking, and I couldn't get my doctor to do a MRI with the dye that you drink or a CAT scan. I felt sharp pains moving down my right leg, and my toes tingled. My doctor had ruled out siatica. I knew what that was because that was something my mother had experience with. My symptoms were different. When I asked my doctor why I could not get an MRI with the dye, she said that she couldn't order it because of the type of insurance I had (HMO).
To this day, I don't understand why she could not order tests to try and find out what was wrong with me. All of this occured over a two year period, maybe longer. I also asked to be ordered to see a chiropractor. I was told that there was a protocol. I saw all kinds of doctors: a pain management specialist, a doctor who shot me with two different needles of steroids, a kidney specialist, and none of them could find anything wrong. On the day I went to the walk-in clinic that's almost walking distance from my home, where I was told that they couldn't help me, I ended up having to drive 30 mintues out of the way to walk in and complain that I had nose bleed blood in my stool. When I was taken to the room, I sat on the table and the focus was on my blood pressure. I told them I felt fine, and I did. But that I was bleeding from my rectum. They thought I was suffering a heart attack. See, I have white coat syndrome. I think when I go to see doctors, my blood pressure elevates +20 (if not that, something happens), but it's always high, except when I see my cardiologist and when I check it at home. Anyhow, they send me to the emergency room, where they check my blood pressure, and ask me all the questions around being a diabetic. I still hadn't gotten checked for what I went to see a doctor for in the first place. Finally, I saw a cardiologist, who said to me that there have been studies that show if a patient is complaining, but has elevated pressure, they (doctors/staff) should check the reason the patient showed up in the first place. He was kind and caring, and he was the first doctor that I had seen in my two and a half hours torture that asked me what I needed. I appreciated that. He checked my rectum, and felt a pebble, then asked me to see the doctor who had done my colonsocopy. I saw him, and he did find my cancer.
I've since completed thirty-three days of chemo therapy + radiation treatments, and now I'm home recovering. This has been some ordeal. My husband was out of town for the first five weeks of my treatment. My daughters were around, but they are teenagers, and they didn't know how to help. So, to some extent, I felt lonely. I feel like I've been in the fight alone. I'm not a public or social person, so I didn't reach out to any patients who have undergone the same treatment. It felt good to just write what I've written here. What I've had the most problems with has happened after rediation ceased. I'm going on my third week now. I told my husband that I'm experiencing a pattern recognition issue. My vision is not failing, but when I see certain patterns, for expmple, how the meat of the fish layers when broiled. I cannot stand to look at it, and I won't eat it because it makes me feel sick. The patterns in my carpert, sometimes impact me the same way. There are a whole slew of things I cannot stand to look at that make me feel sick to my stomach. And I'm too weak to fully clean my bathroom, and it's pretty clean, but there's a smell that bothers me. I have four bathrooms in my home, and they all have that smell. It sickens me. I find myself constantly spraying lysol and pouring bleach in the toilet, tub, sinks, and showers. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm going mad, and I'm wondering if this is normal after anal cancer treatment. I'm usually not so squeamish.
Comments
-
applehead29...
Hi,
Welcome, sorry to have to say that yet glad you found us here. This is usually a very active group but I think with recent updates to the site in combination with world concerns, many people have temporarily fallen away. Please continue to post here as it can be a life saving place of support and shared knowledge from others in the same boat.
You poor thing, it sounds like quite an ordeal you have been through. Sadly, anal cancer is still unrecognized by many in the field of health care and often goes undiagnosed for quite a while in many of us until eventually symptoms become obvious enough or a patient is persistent (as it sounds you had been)...I'm glad you finally got through and have made it through treatment, it sure isn't an easy one!
I was initially dx over 9 years ago though have had mets to my lung since which were treated with surgery, chemo and then a brief stint of radiation. I am doing well today yet have heightened concerns as to whether I could handle this (or another) serious virus such as Covid. I'll do what I can to stay safe, and pray on the rest.
Its been awhile since my treatment and chemo has lots of side effects that vary from person to person. I do recall having some change in both hearing and vision for a short time after treatment though it returned to normal within a month or two. Vision and hearing are often related and disruptions in hearing are very common with chemotherapy. Some people go through a period of vertigo and maybe your vision (pattern) concerns are actually caused by an inner ear issue. I did also have a heightened sense of smell though not in the way that made me feel sick. Just as chemotherapy affects the hair elsewhere on our body, it often causes loss of fine hairs in the ear and nose that could be playing a part in what you are experiencing. Its hard to be patient during recovery because we just want to get back to some sense of normalcy, but please be patient with your self both mentally and physically, its a slow process (healing) but it does happen. I remember every couple weeks thinking, huh, I'm a bit better, but it was months maybe a year, before I looked back and said, wow, now I really feel like I've moved forward.
I will surely have you in my thoughts and prayers that you notice some positive changes soon, but never hesitate to call and follow-up with your doctor if this or any symptoms get worse or seem to be something you just can not handle. Please keep in touch.
katheryn
1 -
Thank youeihtak said:applehead29...
Hi,
Welcome, sorry to have to say that yet glad you found us here. This is usually a very active group but I think with recent updates to the site in combination with world concerns, many people have temporarily fallen away. Please continue to post here as it can be a life saving place of support and shared knowledge from others in the same boat.
You poor thing, it sounds like quite an ordeal you have been through. Sadly, anal cancer is still unrecognized by many in the field of health care and often goes undiagnosed for quite a while in many of us until eventually symptoms become obvious enough or a patient is persistent (as it sounds you had been)...I'm glad you finally got through and have made it through treatment, it sure isn't an easy one!
I was initially dx over 9 years ago though have had mets to my lung since which were treated with surgery, chemo and then a brief stint of radiation. I am doing well today yet have heightened concerns as to whether I could handle this (or another) serious virus such as Covid. I'll do what I can to stay safe, and pray on the rest.
Its been awhile since my treatment and chemo has lots of side effects that vary from person to person. I do recall having some change in both hearing and vision for a short time after treatment though it returned to normal within a month or two. Vision and hearing are often related and disruptions in hearing are very common with chemotherapy. Some people go through a period of vertigo and maybe your vision (pattern) concerns are actually caused by an inner ear issue. I did also have a heightened sense of smell though not in the way that made me feel sick. Just as chemotherapy affects the hair elsewhere on our body, it often causes loss of fine hairs in the ear and nose that could be playing a part in what you are experiencing. Its hard to be patient during recovery because we just want to get back to some sense of normalcy, but please be patient with your self both mentally and physically, its a slow process (healing) but it does happen. I remember every couple weeks thinking, huh, I'm a bit better, but it was months maybe a year, before I looked back and said, wow, now I really feel like I've moved forward.
I will surely have you in my thoughts and prayers that you notice some positive changes soon, but never hesitate to call and follow-up with your doctor if this or any symptoms get worse or seem to be something you just can not handle. Please keep in touch.
katheryn
Thanks for reading my post. It feels like I will be recovering for some time. I want the itching to stop. Since I can tolerate witch hazel, I've found that it helps me with keeping my areas clean ourtside the sitz bath. I don't know how long I will have this vision/smell issue, but I hope it's not too long. I'll give it a few weeks.
And Bless you! I'm glad you are recovering too. I wish you much success and continued healing. I will keep you in my prayers too.
Covid-19 has freighten a lot of people, but hang in there. I went inside a grocery store (mask and all) for the first time today, since February, so I'm making progress.
0 -
applehead29...applehead29 said:Thank you
Thanks for reading my post. It feels like I will be recovering for some time. I want the itching to stop. Since I can tolerate witch hazel, I've found that it helps me with keeping my areas clean ourtside the sitz bath. I don't know how long I will have this vision/smell issue, but I hope it's not too long. I'll give it a few weeks.
And Bless you! I'm glad you are recovering too. I wish you much success and continued healing. I will keep you in my prayers too.
Covid-19 has freighten a lot of people, but hang in there. I went inside a grocery store (mask and all) for the first time today, since February, so I'm making progress.
Yes, the itching is crazy! I remember that a couple times I took benadryl in the evening to get some relief. If I learned nothing else it was to take a deep breath and be patient, as I said before healing takes time, but you'll get there.
Stores are scary places for me now, I had groceries delivered up until last week but a couple days ago I also went early in the morning and with a mask. Though I am doing well (today...we never know what tomorrow brings) my husband is a cancer patient as well and is in the middle of a long chemo regimen for multiple myeloma, a blood cancer, so I need to be very carefull about what I may expose him too.
We have a big family and 9 grandkids and I miss their snuggles so much, just taking things slow, safe, and staedy here too!
Be well...keep moving forward
katheryn
0 -
The itching is terrible. Itapplehead29 said:Thank you
Thanks for reading my post. It feels like I will be recovering for some time. I want the itching to stop. Since I can tolerate witch hazel, I've found that it helps me with keeping my areas clean ourtside the sitz bath. I don't know how long I will have this vision/smell issue, but I hope it's not too long. I'll give it a few weeks.
And Bless you! I'm glad you are recovering too. I wish you much success and continued healing. I will keep you in my prayers too.
Covid-19 has freighten a lot of people, but hang in there. I went inside a grocery store (mask and all) for the first time today, since February, so I'm making progress.
The itching is terrible. It does get better though and then goes away. Hang in there...
0 -
Mental Health
Hi,
I am now 3yrs out from my treatment
I am finally starting to feel mentally well - having said that: I am on a high dose of anti-depressants, taking Gabacor 3x a day and when needed, I take Tramadol for pain. Smells were very noticable during and after treatment finished because of the pain killers. They gave my sense of smell, hearing and sight apparent 'super' powers. Sounds would be too intense and and I would seek a place of silence to take the edge off the madness the noise created in my head. With smells, I would disguise them with a cloth covering my nose to smother the odour whenever I needed, otherwise I would become billious and start dry reaching so, I would always carry around with me a cotton hanky. Sight of action on the TV would traumatise me leaving me in a spin. Films of animal survival made me panic and I would have to leave the room. Even the music accompaning the animal documentries would send my senses into a panic causing anxiety to the max.
I found lying down was the most immediate need in calming me down, further to help me not to overfocus on the drama of the tv was to look at images of my interests (miniture dollhouses) on the internet. I could not read as concentrating was too hard, but looking at something else helped me to settle and to pass the time.
I remember the itching and the intense pain caused by the irritation. I took salt baths often 4 or 5 times a day and when ever needed. The sting of the initital warm-salted water was a relief to the itch and while soaking, all the immediate 'discomfort' was settled. Moving my bowels would always set the itching off, so I would return yet to another salt bath. I went through a lot of cooking salt!
The mental anguish of the combination of intense pain, loss of bowel control, wearing nappies, and humiliation of 'where' the pain was coming from really turned my head inside out. The loneliness that I felt was experiencing the 'sentence' of being trapped in my body! No-one I knew would ever understand the trauma of getting better ;/ Some friends would minimise my experience and I would have no energy or wish to enlighten them to the agony I experienced. Finding this website was the best encouragement I found. I am glad that you are now able to find others who know exactly what is going on with you and the treatment.
I am glad to say that 3 years on, I am cancer free and in comparison am virtually pain free.
I know how tough it is while going through treatment and recovery. I can't minimise the nightmare of it all but I can say that it WILL pass. Slowly but surely, our bodies take over and have the will to survive, and our crushed soul will also join in the desire to get better.
I hope I have encouraged you xx
Nutmeg
0 -
Mental HealthSKGael said:Mental health issues are so
Mental health issues are so hard to deal with. I had so many symptoms that could not be explained by most of the doctors out there. it was a real mess unti I found a medical center that could help me.
Cancer also affected by mental health. I started taking medicine for depression and anxiety after I was diagnosed. I gradually got off the medicine for anxiety, but still take the medicine for depression just because it makes me feel better. (Probably had some issues with mood before the cancer, but it brought it to the forefront.) Hope you are feeling better.
0 -
My mental health
i remember feeling a lot of the feelings you described. A couple of more illnesses after my treatment later, unrelated to Anal Cancer, I finally surrendered and got help. the counselor said it is really impossible to not have some mental illness when one is physically ill because one thing does affect another. Simple as that. It made me feel better just hearing it from her.
There are times in life when we need a lot of help. I had to accept that and I am so glad I did. I look back and I am glad I went through all that now because I learned a lot about myself and my relationships. Everything is better.
Hang in there. You were smart to write that post. You helped yourself immensely and a lot of other participants, I hace no doubt.
1 -
Sandyspsandysp said:My mental health
i remember feeling a lot of the feelings you described. A couple of more illnesses after my treatment later, unrelated to Anal Cancer, I finally surrendered and got help. the counselor said it is really impossible to not have some mental illness when one is physically ill because one thing does affect another. Simple as that. It made me feel better just hearing it from her.
There are times in life when we need a lot of help. I had to accept that and I am so glad I did. I look back and I am glad I went through all that now because I learned a lot about myself and my relationships. Everything is better.
Hang in there. You were smart to write that post. You helped yourself immensely and a lot of other participants, I hace no doubt.
Hi there! I am so happy to see you here! I often think about you. I agree! I think that physical illness is interlinked with mental health. Happy that you are in a better place.
Kind regatds
Liz
0 -
[Removed by CSN Support Team] Since I was not as experienced in this regard, I contributed to my grandfather's dementia disease progression.
0 -
Chemotherapy and radiation can cause a range of physical and emotional side effects, and some of these can persist for weeks or even months after treatment ends. It's important to discuss these symptoms with your healthcare provider, as they may be able to offer solutions or treatments to help alleviate them.
Additionally, it's not uncommon for cancer patients to experience changes in their emotional and mental health during and after treatment. You may benefit from speaking with a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who can help you cope with the emotional impact of your cancer diagnosis and treatment. Go ahead and check the https://www.riviamind.com/- platform with great specialists and services.
0 -
It's possible that it could be related to the stress and trauma you've experienced during your treatment. It might be helpful to talk to your doctor or a mental health professional about this symptom to determine if it could be related to anxiety or other psychological factors. They may be able to offer some strategies to help you manage these feelings and get back to feeling more like yourself.
0
Discussion Boards
- All Discussion Boards
- 6 CSN Information
- 6 Welcome to CSN
- 121.6K Cancer specific
- 2.8K Anal Cancer
- 446 Bladder Cancer
- 308 Bone Cancers
- 1.6K Brain Cancer
- 28.5K Breast Cancer
- 395 Childhood Cancers
- 27.9K Colorectal Cancer
- 4.6K Esophageal Cancer
- 1.2K Gynecological Cancers (other than ovarian and uterine)
- 13K Head and Neck Cancer
- 6.3K Kidney Cancer
- 671 Leukemia
- 791 Liver Cancer
- 4.1K Lung Cancer
- 5.1K Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin)
- 235 Multiple Myeloma
- 7.1K Ovarian Cancer
- 56 Pancreatic Cancer
- 487 Peritoneal Cancer
- 5.4K Prostate Cancer
- 1.2K Rare and Other Cancers
- 534 Sarcoma
- 719 Skin Cancer
- 647 Stomach Cancer
- 190 Testicular Cancer
- 1.5K Thyroid Cancer
- 5.9K Uterine/Endometrial Cancer
- 6.3K Lifestyle Discussion Boards