Not Good News


My doctor's nurse returned a call to me today. I have an appointment with him tomorrow at 1 to discuss the CT results but I called today to ask why they weren't posted. She said he tried to get in touch with me Friday. He said the scan showed new spots on my lungs from previous scans and he thinks it is the colon cancer. She said he would discuss things with me and come up with a plan tomorrow. My spirit is so down right now. My heart and soul, not just my body, are tired of fighting this disease. I just want to find a place to hide where it can't find me or my family anymore. I'm tired of reading articles and stories hoping to find an exit door no one has seen. I feel like there is some force chasing me that will never let up and give me a break. You see these shows where people are on the run and assume new identitites but just when they are finally getting settled and feeling normal, they have to pick up and run again. That is what I feel like at the moment. I know I will roll up my sleeves and do whatever I can to survive but honestly, sometimes I just want to sink to the bottom and not ever hear the word cancer again. I have no clue what I am in for now...raidiation?, the fun that is waiting for me now...I guess I will be coming over post after post to see what I can expect. Any input appreciated. If anybody can wave the magic wand and make everything ok please do...M



  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
    My heart sank when I read the subject line

    There is nothing I can say that will lift you at this time. The hurt, the disappointment, the never ending fear of where it can lead, are something that you are feeling, and need to feel - and THEN you will be able to look upward and outward, and move forward with whatever the plan is. 

    Please know that I am with you in spirit, and will be by your 'forum' side whenever you need me.  

    You have the strengh to bully on, and you will find that strenght in the coming days. 

    Cyber hugs


  • abita
    abita Member Posts: 1,152 Member
    Let's be in this together.

    Let's be in this together. Not sure if you remember, but I had spots on my lungs that turned out to be mets. And I switched treatments. I felt the same way when I found out that it had spread to my lungs. The initial reaction is defeated. 

    That is jumping a bit ahead. My guess is you will be getting a pet scan to determine whether cancer or not. If it is cancer, you will get a plan.

    Please keep us updated, and know that the fight is worth fighting. I am currently on erbutix with irintecan. First scan, the lung tumors shrank, the second they were stable with no new growth.

    As for side effects, I learned a lesson from my team. They said no matter how small the impact of a side effect, let them know as they have ways to help with many of the side effects. It helps get through each day.

    I don't really have words of wisdom. But if you end up on the same drugs as I am on, I can say how I deal with the side effects. And I am so sorry.

  • AnneO1965
    AnneO1965 Member Posts: 182 Member
    I am so sorry...

    I have no words of wisdom to offer. Just a virtual hug and to let you know I'm praying for you. 

  • myAZmountain
    myAZmountain Member Posts: 417 Member
    Oh MoJo!

    This breaks my heart  to hear and I wish I could just give you a great big hug. Please know that I am praying for you and thinking of you so much! 

  • SandiaBuddy
    SandiaBuddy Member Posts: 1,381 Member
    edited December 2019 #6

    It is heartbreaking to read your post.  Here's hoping that the foreshadowing offered by your doctor is not as bad as you fear.  I am at a loss for words to express my concern and sympathy.  But please rest assured that there are people on your side.

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,280 Member
    Damn M, that hurts from here,

    Damn M, that hurts from here, to hear your pain and remember that moment as well, when I thought I could run away from it plaguing my mind, before the the first recurrence. Thinking I'd gotten some distance only to have that call, right at Thanksgiving, and that feeling through the best time of year for family and friends. I didn't know of any chances to get better , I just felt screwed by life, along with Cindy's stuff. You think you'd get used to the shocks, or at least numb, but you don't. Wish I had the wand, or anything to make it better. I know you'll bounce back in time, but who wants to hear that when your hurting. Relentless anxiety or anger wear me out, I feel better in time just because I tire of being scared or pissed off, I hope that's true for you. I hope you find strength quickly, and solace with those who love you, and we are here for all you might not be able to express anywhere else. Your in my thoughts........................................Dave

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    I'm so sorry

    After your recent post, it sounded so encouraging.  Just wait to hear what the doctor says and what the plan is.  It has to be a let down, especially when you have been feeling so much better.

    I'm not able to help you with any suggestions on how to proceed so far, but hope that you doctor can relay some type of reassurance for you that they have a good treatment to help you get rid of those new findings.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.


  • Canadian Sandy
    Canadian Sandy Member Posts: 784 Member
    edited December 2019 #9
    I'm so sorry mojo.....prayers

    I'm so sorry mojo.....prayers sent your way.


  • Kazenmax
    Kazenmax Member Posts: 463 Member
    I know how disappointing this

    I know how disappointing this news is. Heard it myself. One year after completing my original treatment, I had spots in my left lung. They were small and my onc wanted to wait 3 months to see if they grow, indicating cancer. Not what I wanted to do. Three months of worry and then a PET scan confirmed that they increased in size, a positive indication of cancer.

    My onc wanted to schedule a biopsy. It so happened that I had a follow up appt with my original surgeon. He immediately contacted a prominent thoracic surgeon and got me an appt. I decided from the outset that I would NOT have a biopsy. I just wanted the nodules cut out. The thoracic surgeon said that while it was an aggressive approach, he thought he could get good margins. I had VATS surgery to remove 1/3 of my left lung and 15 lymph nodes. There was no lymph involvement. 

    I followed up with 6 months of chemo. That was pretty rough and I actually considered skipping it. But I didn’t. 

    I finished almost 1 year ago. So far I have not had a recurrence. I’ve had 3 scans and all look good.

    I tell you this to let you know that you continue to have options. The VATS was not difficult surgery. I also tell you this because I believe knowledge is strength.

    Again, I’m so sorry this has happened. It is very deflating. I want to encourage you to be aggressive. Don’t let this take you down.

    Sending you love and strength.



  • Butt
    Butt Member Posts: 352 Member

    Darn it! I mean when I saw your previous post I kinda was glad to hear from you but at the same time I wished in a good way that you would disappear and fixed and no more medical drama and just move on with your life in a good way. I also had a liver resection and mop up chemo. Just a few months later the stuff went into my lungs. Chemo was not able to fix it and is becoming less effective. Butt.

  • Sestra17
    Sestra17 Member Posts: 71 Member
    Holding you in a big hug.

    Holding you in a big hug.

  • Melanie67
    Melanie67 Member Posts: 24
    Hi Mojo. I also had lung

    Hi Mojo. I also had lung nodules.  They showed up on my first scan after mop up chemo. I am stage IV and had colon and liver resection.  the nodules were followed with CT scans for six months until one grew large enough to remove (9 mm). The others did not change. I had VATS which is easy compared to colon and liver resection. I am now finishing 6 months of mop up chemo with xeloda. I know everyone is different but for me the Xeloda was so much better than the FOLFOX. I hated being hooked up for two days and the terrible fatigue that followed. Zelda still has its side effects. Hand foot syndrome is my biggest problem. Just wanted to let you know that you might tolerate Xeloda much better than FOLFOX. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.