Hello. Need support.

rose08

Hello. My Mom recently found out she has stage 4 colorectal cancer. She had emergency surgery, and has a closotomy bag now. She is going in for radiation for the first time tomorrow. She also needs chemo.

I am a mom myself, and this is really hard for me. I have no friends, and my Mom is my bestfriend. I am feeling so depressed. I hide away in the bathroom, away from my kids to cry. If I lose my Mom, I won't have anyone to talk to, or joke with anymore.

 

I feel so sad she is in pain. She says she is in pain all the time. She needed a cream for her pain on her bottom, and the little tube is $200. The doctor said to use Oragel. I guess the Doctor knew the price of the cream, so the Doctor gave her that advice.

 

I wish I could take her pain away. I wish I could take the cancer away. I am sorry for coming here and saying all this. I don't know who else I can talk to.

 

-Rose

motorcycleguy

Rose,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm a survivor myself, and I remember all the fear and heartache, when I first heard the news.

Other friends, family and your faith (if you're a believer) are vital for your support ... so that you have strength to help your Mom.

You're reaching out -and that's a good sign. I am sending good thoughts and prayer your way!

I wish you and your Mom the best, and I hope she's able to fight the good fight!

mg

Noellesmom

Nothing wrong with anything you said

Cancer is devastating for all involved, Rose. I understand your pain. Cry all you want.

What is your mom's prognosis?

Donna Faye

Continue to reach out

Rose, find a support group for caregivers and for your mom. I have had cancer 3 times and there are many looking for support and understanding and if there is not one, start one. Some of my best friends are the ones I met in support group. Ask your mom's doctors about what they offer. In 1997 my oncologist hired a counselor for his patients. He turned out to be a college friend of mine and it was so helpful. If you attend any group type thing - church, social, reach out. Hope you do get the support you need.

nehagill

Your mother is definitely in

Your mother is definitely in deep pain but its good to know your are there with her, supporting her. To see a loved one is not the perfect feeling and to feel bad about it is obvious. Even if the cream is so expensive and the doctor has suggested oragel it is fine. Money cant buy emotions. Try to be with your mother as much as you can and try to support her both physically and emotionally and venting out is nothing to be ashamed of, dont hurt yourself. Its good to cry your heart out its a brave thing to do and i am with you in this time of grief, you can directly write to me or here on the discussion board, we all want your mother to get healed as soon as possible. May god bless her with lots of love and good health.

booboo70

hi rose. im a 49 year old

hi rose. im a 49 year old rectal camcer patient myself. my kids are in their 20s and 2 are still at home. for me, having my daughter just being around to watch a movie or make me laugh was the best. we know you kids would take all our pain away if you could, just as we would for you. but since thats not possible the next best thing is emotional support.my daughter wanted to come work like crazy around the house. do laundry etc. sometimes id stop her so we could just snuggle together like old times and talk about silly things. gosip about celebs or watch a movie. that being said, i also loved knowing she was still going to work and getting on with her life and responsibilities. that made me feel more secure knowing she was doing well in all the areas in life that would help her carry on

 

if anything were to happen to me. i saw the toll that my illness was having in the eyes of all three of my kids. it aged them. it changed them. i knew then and know still that i cant change that or make it better. its just is something crummy they had to go through.it took me a while to stop trying to take responsibility for putting that look of fear and uncertainty in their eyes. but i finally made peace with it. when you need to cry, you do it. if you need to talk about fears, dont hold back. the fear of being alone is terrible. i understand. i fear leaving my kids alone without me. they arent ready and neither am i. and ive had feelings of abandonment as my mother who is my best friend also, began showing signs of alzheimers at the same time i was diagnosed. some days she remembers im sick. sometimes she doesnt and she tells me how dissapointed she is in me that im not helping her more. it breaks my heart. i really need her lap to curl up on, ya know? anyway, i just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your feelings of fear and isolation. many here seem to have similar feelings and stories. it sounds like you are such a good daughter and friend to your mom. you are doing your very best and that is fantastic.remember to take care of yourself. dm if you need to talk.  

Diane9240

Message to Rose

Dear Rose - it's April 29th and it's a long time since you wrote your note.  I hope your mom is ok and I hope you both have found support.  I am going through chemotherapy and I have tended to be a loner in my life so I don't have a big support system.  Also I'm prone to depression so all this in combination with the coronavirus makes for me not caring about whether my apartment is clean or not, and other unsavory bad habits.    I'm working on this and that's why I'm reaching out.  I just signed up on this website and your note touched me.  I wish you well and it would be good to hear how you are doing.  Diane