Sudden Anxiety

Hello, I'm new here. I have been looking for answers for how to deal with some things with my mom. She was diagnosed with Stage 4B Colon Cancer in February of this year. She had been severely ill a few months leading up to finding this diagnosis. She was a very independent person for many years. She has had 12 chemo treatments and towards the last few treatments has suddenly become very andxious, almost parinoid. We recently moved to a rural area so I do understan some of her worry but we have gone out of our way to make her comfortable. Spent a ton of money to get phone service that works, we are only 5 minutes from any store and even the EMT, we even have a police officer living right behind us. My husband and I recently also moved his parents in with us as well due to there health so of course they expect some of our time as well. My issue is that my mom is so anxious that she doesnt want to be home when we go to work or if I have plans or even errands to run in the evening. The in-laws also want to do things with us without her always being there too. I don't know how to handle my feelings with this. I am sooo frustrated. I'm trying to be nice about it but it is getting increasingly difficult. Please Help!! TIA


  • GingerMay
    GingerMay Member Posts: 134

    If I understand correctly, your in laws are living with you and your mother is too or at least she is quite close. You have assumed caregiving responsibilities for three people and are married with a full time job. You do not say the age of your parents or whether you have children, but your anxiety is understandable. Caring for parents as they age and especially through illness can take over your life. The more you do for them, sometimes the more they expect. This can go on until one day you realize you have given up your own life and perhaps even your own health - and maybe everyone still is not happy. I suggest setting boundaries for what you are willing to do and what you are not. Locate outside help to do what you cannot. You do not have to do it all alone. Finding help will allow you to keep your job, your marriage and your peace of mind. 

  • sharkey24sgirl
    sharkey24sgirl Member Posts: 3
    edited August 2019 #3
    Thank you ginger. I am trying

    Thank you ginger. I am trying to learn how to set boundaries. I've always been a people pleaser. My mom and in-laws all do live with me. I have no children. The hardest part right now is dealing with my mother's anxiety. I cant even leave the house with out her panicking if no one will be there. I am trying to be understanding but it is getting more difficult. I just become frustrated and say the wrong thing. Hopefully we will get good news on tuesday and that will help. Also, my husband is amazing. He supports me in everything.  He is my rock. I cant imagine life without him. I'm only in my 30s and we have been together 20 years 

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    Have you told...

    Have you told your mother's primary physician, case manager, and/or oncologist about her sudden change in behavior? They may have some ideas of what could be causing it, some treatment ideas, or some tests to run. After my mom had her treatment, she suddenly felt an intense need to pick tiny bits of real or imagined lint off of everybody and everything. I started to feel like a baby monkey getting picked over for nits by an entire monkey family. We were living with her by then, so it was pretty much constant. I spoke with her case manager and requested meds or something (if not for her, then for me). They finally got her something to take the edge off. It was good to be able to breathe again. 

    All the best to you...